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Women who ride horses are just like women who own a lot of cats… just richer and crazier. I feel it’s necessary to explain “why” we are crazy, or extremely misunderstood depending on your viewpoint. I have ridden horses my entire life, therefore, I feel I have the necessary qualifications to explain why we are all psychotic, myself included.
1. We were treated like the center of the universe growing up.
My younger cousin puts it perfectly — “I had to be funny growing up because all everyone talked about at family gatherings was either our brothers’ football team or your horse shows.” Growing up, conversations with these women centered on horses and showing. That’s all anyone ever talked with them about. Whether it be because they cared and were interested or were just being polite, it didn’t matter. No one asked me about a boyfriend or break-up in high school but that event I competed in where I went Training Level for the first time was the talk of Easter my junior year in high school.
“Oh wow you jumped how high?”
“What was your time show jumping/cross-country?”
“Your mom showed me the video you guys looked great!”
It was also the only thing my mom and I talked about growing up. Our lives became centered around first my hobby and then my sport. During mealtimes, my riding was the center of the conversation. Looking back, I do feel bad for my brothers, because his football games and golf tournaments were not discussed and dissected nearly as much as a simple riding lesson.
The moral here? The equestrian women grew up thinking the world revolved around her and her horse… and it doesn’t.
2. The money our parents spent on our passion is insane.
They say the average cost of raising a child in today’s economy is $245,340 not including inflation. My first reaction at that is to laugh. I hit that figure by the time I was in middle school and didn’t even own a horse yet. I was very blessed with parents who supported my addiction that makes a cocaine addiction seem as small as a caffeine addiction.
Horses and horseback riding is the most expensive hobby or sport known to fucking man. I would like to think my parents were also relatively sane when it came to buying horse things. I paid for half of my riding lessons, half of my expensive tack, and they refused to buy me a horse over $10,000. I have friends whose parents literally went bankrupt for their riding with multiple horses costing up to $30,000 plus board, tack, horse shows, traveling to horse shows, vet bills, and that’s just off the top of my head.
Equestrian woman probably grew up with daddy’s credit card memorized so she could order the whole Dover catalogue as a child. She has extremely expensive tastes and most likely doesn’t really live in the real world, still. She thinks that fancy dinners and gifts are a given. But they are not, because we live in a shit economy.
3. We were expected to act more mature than we actually were from a young age.
In this hobby, you are not often around lots of children unless you ride at a kid-centered barn. Most likely, you are riding with middle-aged, rich, white women with huge alimony paychecks. From a young age, I talked to adults better than my peers. I considered the older women my friends and listened to their salacious dating stories from the ripe, old age of 12. I also saw those women drinking wine on the barn patio more than occasionally and grew up hearing drunken rants about men. She, the equestrian woman you are crazy enough to date, probably thinks drinking boxed white wine every night is normal, and not a sign for help.
Say what you will, we can hold our own when it comes to throwing a few back… we were raised on it.
4. The responsibility that comes with taking care of a 1500-pound animal creates a lot of pressure.
“Did I cool him down properly?”
“He wasn’t eating when I left, I hope he’s not sick?”
“Do you think he’s off on his left hind?”
These fragile animals that we are allowed to ride tend to consume our thoughts. “Did my horse get turned out? Am I asking for that lead change correctly? Are my elbows flopping out?” Growing up, about 80% of my thoughts were about my horse, not my boyfriend. I didn’t even realize or really care that an ex-boyfriend was cheating on me with a friend. I was more worried about my horse show/ upcoming clinic/lesson, so when he broke up with me I was at first surprised, then extremely nonchalant about the whole thing. Truthfully, I cared more about my horse than him.
And I haven’t even mentioned the training aspect of the sport. I competed in Three Day Eventing as a teenager which is one of the most demanding sports in the equestrian world. I was also training my horse as I was learning, too, which led to some pretty intense moments. My thoughts were mostly focused on if I would fall off and break a bone cross-country, not why he won’t text me back. The pressure the hobby/sport takes is enormous.
The typical equestrian girl? She is completely oblivious to the most normal things but, if her horse doesn’t eat his hay, it will give her a panic attack. If she falls off….you will hear about nothing else. She is also the bravest person in her own mind. Yes, my horse was spooky and I could have been thrown and trampled. She will expect sympathy from a situation you can’t even comprehend how dangerous it was in her mind.
5. We trust no one (literally no one) at all times.
Even with all the adults around I had some great barn friends growing up. That being said, we were also each other’s rivals. You forgot the jump course before you were showing; ask your mom not your friends. Your friend will lie and stab you in the back. We grew up not even trusting our closest friends. Why would we trust you? Not to mention our horses probably betrayed us several times throughout the years. I trained an ex-racehorse ate a lot of dirt growing up. We are naturally suspicious women. The horse perks his ears forward – he’s going to spook or run out of that fence and you are flying over it solo.
Being in this highly competitive world, we grew up not trusting our trainers, friends and even or horses. We aren’t going to automatically trust you or anyone really. We have serious trust issues. I don’t have a funny quip or advice to fix this because I still have an extremely strong paranoia that the world is out to get me.
So overall, are equestrians bat-shit crazy? Yes, we are. However, we have a passion for something other than ourselves. We have learned from a young age that our needs take second to something else’s and that is a powerful thing. We give our heart and soul to our horses day in and day out. So yes we can be insane from time to time, but it will most likely be worth it because seriously have you seen a woman post to the trot or two-point… and you know we always like to be on top. .
Image via Shutterstock
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Dietcoke_Addict has been addicted to caffeine longer than she cares to admit. When she is not enjoying an ice, cold diet coke she can be found explaining to her students that winning a game of foursquare isn’t really a TFM.
Horse girls aren’t worth the crazy.
I was interested in a girl that was a “horse girl” back in the day. Took a hard pass after going to the stables and saw how little she cared about everything but horses. My buddy ended up dating her and she broke his heart. My advice when someone tells you they like horses….
Taking a boyfriend to the barn is the absolute worst. He is bored and thinks you are going to bone in the hay despite the copperheads hiding in there. You get irritated because he messes with the flow of your barn routine by doing stupid shit like trying to hold your hand. 9/10 he says the dumbest things like:
Why doesn’t’ he like me?
Are you supposed to do that? It looks like a sex move?
How do I feed him treats again?
Boyfriends have no place at the barn…ever and if you get dragged there I am sorry. I have only brought willing victims who what to plead to go. I would much prefer it if they didn’t want to go to the barn. Please let me do my own thing.
Dated a horse girl for the better part of three years – was contemplating a ring. It’s the first and only time I’ve had to break up with someone that I was totally in love with because of practicality and her lack of grip on a world outside of horses. In truth – still completely love the girl, but could never go back.
We have no grip on reality at all…we live in a make believe world were we think we are the center of. I will say this my parents cut me off of riding expenses after I sold my horse to pay for college- which he did- and it gave me a whole new outlook on the sport. To the point I look at the women I ride with at the barn where I lease a horse that they are literally all bat-shit crazy.
Preach, sister. Congrats on being able to step back and recognize the problem, and good luck with the recovery process.
Really though, kudos to you for prioritizing. If you were willing to sell the horse to better your future, you’re not the full bat-shit crazy type like most of the horse girls that I’ve known.
The recovery process is a long one. I went Greek in college which helped me gain the social skills I lacked in high school. It also helps when you’re the one paying for it not your parents. You start to realize that other things are more important and sometimes it’s just a horse, not the whole world. The woman I lease a horse from is in her 50s and still doesn’t understand that and is still single. It inspired me to draw some connections.
Yo mama let you date?
but they got that ass doe…
Received a sage piece of advice growing up from a man recently divorced from a horse woman. It went something like this: “Never marry a woman into horses because she will love the horses more than you. First she will spend all of her money on her horses. Then she will spend all your money on her horses. And then when all the money is gone she will leave you….and maybe stick you with a horse.”
There is always one crazy horse girl in every elementary school. She only wears shirts with horses on them, she only has horse dolls, and when she is not playing with those, she spends her free time drawing horses. Did everyone else picture that crazy horse girl whenever they read the title of this?
She also ran around at recess like she was a horse.
Holy hell, how many elementary schools did she go to?
There definitely was that girl, but I pictured all the ones I knew in high school. So much more upper-crust looking, if equally as crazy underneath.
Been saying it for years, horse girls are just cat ladies with money.
*daddy’s money
Equestrian girls are nuts. Many schools have massive programs to help offset football scholarships. My school had 65+ on scholarship for the equestrian team, I ended up being on the same bus-route as many of them one semester. Crazy hot, but also just crazy in general. Heard some of the most vulgar conversations that semester just by being around them.
Care to repeat any of those stories? Long day day at the office….
65 scholarships for the equestrian team? Are the horses getting a free education too?
The horses are the reason are half the reason they received a scholarship in the first place. Before I quit jumping, I was a junior in high school, and scouts from my local state school that had a program were approaching my mom about a free ride. They didn’t want me, I am a decent rider but they wanted my horse.
Preach. I took stats with some girls on the equestrian team and everyone could tell they were unhinged. Even my colleagues who work in the large animal hospital here say equestrian girls are psychotic.
Horses and birds are 2 giant red flags for a reason.
Made dinner plans for Monday with a horse girl earlier today. Wish me luck, PGP.
“I’m Engaged in the Steeplechase” Volume 1 come Tuesday afternoon. Make that column happen.
I too had relations with a horse girl back in high school. Although I’m young and stupid now, I was younger and stupider back then. A couple key points. Horse girl will never give you her trust. Horse girl spends her life with the horse. And even after you’ve gone your separate ways with this demon woman, she will lurk around, and somehow manage to be apart of your life for years. Just when you think you’re safe, she likes and shares all of your social media posts. 10/10 stay far away.
All I could think of during this article was the amount of would I have for Betty Draper
Fuck horses. Anything that is 1200lbs+ and has a mind of it’s own is nothing I want to be involved with. I’d just assume spend every cent I have betting on the Cleveland Browns than have to purse that hobby.
haha that’s an aggressive stance. Would you also be willing to put the same money on Johnny Football staying sober?
Well he said every cent he has. Since this is PGP, I think its safe to assume that it can’t be more than $20 right?