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Dating isn’t an exact science. If it were, countless magazines, blogs, and talk shows would all be out of business. Hell, if I couldn’t give write about my (probably poor) dating advice, my columns would pretty much just be me telling stories of stupid things I’ve done while intoxicated.
However, since everyone is pretty much just stumbling blind through the dating world, people are always trying to get any edge they can. One of the most common questions I hear is, “Where should I take someone on a first date,” and everyone has their own opinion, be it sushi, a minor league ball game, or even the opera (if you’re a pretentious twat).
The truth is, there isn’t one simple answer to this question. There are seven answers, one for each day of the week, and here they are.
Monday
Nowhere. You should not be attempting a first date on the shittiest day of the week. You’ve been fighting off a two-day hangover at work, you’re at your most bloated from ingesting six thousand calories of alcohol and tater tots over the weekend, and you haven’t even looked at your bank account for fear of that half-memory of buying Patron shots for the whole bar wasn’t just a nightmare.
Basically, you’re not at your A-game. Hell, you’re barely even at your D-game. If you don’t feel good, look good, and visibly wince when you get the check, you’re not going to get a second date.
If for some reason you committed to a first date on a Monday, I say go with a comedy club. The low lighting will hide your double chin, you don’t have to expend any brain cells on conversation, and you’ll get your date laughing without having to do any work. Chances are, they’re in the same boat and will appreciate a Monday pick me up.
Tuesday
Tuesday is just a Monday in disguise, but it does have the benefit of you feeling a little more put together. This is the day to go to a sporting event. I’d recommend sticking to the minor leagues, since going to, say, an NBA game on a first date feels like a try hard move. Plus, an AHL or MiLB game are more likely to have an authentic, unique, feel to it, and it’s something you can watch casually in between conversation without feeling like you need to be 100% focused. Grab a hotdog, pick out a ball cap you look good in, and seem down-to-earth and interesting without having to carry the entertainment with conversation the whole night.
Wednesday
Wednesday just feels like a classic dinner date night. It’s far enough in the week where both parties will be back at a 100% and ready to enjoy some lively conversation. This is only the move with someone you’re definitely into and think could lead somewhere, however. If you’re on the fence about them, or think it could be awkward, definitely shy away from dropping $80 and committing two hours to a conversation full of long pauses and one-word answers. Because so many people lean towards getting drinks for a first date, doing an “old-fashioned” dinner date is a good look if you’re trying to impress someone without being obvious about it.
Thursday
This is the king of date nights. Not only can you really pick and choose any of the preceding dates, you can also add “and drinks” to the end of them. By Thursday, even those with the meanest hangovers will have started looking forward to the weekend again, and will have no problem taking the edge off with a drink or seven. Thursday is the first day of the week where I can go out and not have that internal timer in the back of my mind counting down the hours until my alarm goes off the next morning. Even if your “let’s grab drinks” invitation turns into a late night bar crawl with an even later night sleepover, you can power through Friday with a hangover, content in the knowledge that the weekend is almost here.
Friday
People give weekend dates a lot of hate, and I’m here to call bullshit on it.
So what if it “says that you don’t have anything better going on?” I’m not trying to put on a front. If my only plans were to go out to the bar with my friends, like they are most Fridays, I would rather go on a date instead (or possibly before, depending on how the date goes).
As for what the date should be, you’ve got two strong options – invite them to a house party or catch a concert. Yes, inviting someone to a house party may seem like immature first date, but don’t let that stop you. Anyone who is too stuck up to accept an invitation to a party isn’t someone you want to date anyway. Plus, you get to see how they interact with your friends, and the casual setting allows for people to present a more honest version of themselves instead of the polished act everyone puts on for first dates. If a house party is not an option, a concert is a great alternative. It’s fun, it’s different, and you may even get to grind on each other like fifteen-year-olds at the homecoming dance. That kind of nostalgia just breeds a good time.
Saturday
Get out and do something active. So few people utilize Saturday for first dates, but it’s the only day where you can see someone during the daytime. You can go for a hike, kayak, or if you’re one of those freaks that enjoys running, I guess you could do that together. Personally, I’d pick a relatively easy hike with a view, pack a backpack of snacks and wine, and get a little buzzed in nature. Just don’t make it too over-the-top with a whole picnic set up or you’ll look like a clinger. You’re going for the “oh, would you look at that view? I actually think I may have a bottle of wine and some plastic cups in my backpack, weirdly enough…” vibe.
Sunday
Two words. Brunch. Date. Sure, it’s a weird move, but you know what else it is? Memorable. Stand out from the other three people your date is no doubt chatting with on various apps and make a name for yourself as “that dude/chick that I got faded off mimosas with for our first date.” .
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Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
noamio
You seem to forget that Saturdays are for the boys.
2017 is for the boys.
oh come on
YOU BITE YOUR TONGUE.
Monday- A bar
Tuesday- A bar
Wednesday- A bar
Thursday- A WINE bar
Friday- A bar
Saturday- A bar
Sunday- Hiking
Nothing beats a Monday morning brunch date. I always schedule them and it usually ends up being a table for one but idc because I order two delicious meals and eat them both in sweet silence without having to hear about how much of a cunt Katherine is or how fucked up their ex was or how they don’t like the things I like and since I always pay anyway, it’s no skin off my dick or whatever that saying is
Are you doing alright, brother?
Yeah, I’m newly single so I’m trying figure out this dating thing. I guess a good start would be to not schedule Monday morning brunch dates when people have to work
Just find someone that has off shifts or random days off
The brunch date is such a power move. Will you both be hungover? Yes? Will I be wearing last night’s mascara and pretending it’s a look? Yes. Will we accidentally get mimosa drunk? Absolutely yes we will.
‘Sup?
No chance. Rule #1: Fake it till you make it. You don’t get to see me at my worst unless we’re waking up together, and brunch is 100% me at my worst.
My friends are insane degenerates, no way she’s meeting them on the first date. They would speak highly of me early on, but no telling what they would say after a few drinks.
I’m glad I’m not the only fan of a brunch date. Way more laid back and you can even parlay it into a midday nap afterwards.
‘sup?
Do people really have house parties? I would be down because it’s casual and cheap, but
my group of friends hardly ever does this.
Sounds like you need to host a house party this weekend
Most of my friend’s “house parties” are just pregames in which the collective group decides against the bar. Reasons include: too tired, too drunk, too poor, the weather, etc.
Some of the people may just go to the bar themselves, but mob mentality rules supreme.
Threw a sandwich making and kegs party for my birthday. People brought cheese and breads to go on the pulled chicken and ham I cooked. Then I hooked up 3 1/6 barrels of high abv Michigan craft beer and opened 5 magnums of cheap champagne. Went great, cost under $250, and people got college drunk again!
how many people do you know to go through 3 barrels…..
or maybe you meant three 1/6 barrels, totaling a half barrel, which makes more sense. (don’t use numbers twice unless you want it to be read “three and one-sixth! grammar lesson of the day)
Just imagine a world where all first dates are brunch dates… I may shed a single tear
Sup?
Went to a hockey game on a first date once. It also happened to be her first hockey game. We had a good time, but looking back, probably wouldn’t risk the whole “yeah this is actually really boring” thing. If both people are into it though, a game is a great mix of distraction and interaction.
Except attractive girls who understand AND like sports might as well be unicorns.
Does coffee date fit into this at all? I’m thinking rainy Saturday afternoon.
Irish coffee?