======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Choosing your college major. Some of us made the practical decision and studied something STEM related, some of us studied “what we loved” and a handful of us took the traditional “Business Undeclared” route and hoped our Dad’s Greek connections would pay off. Whatever it was, we chose to study during those booze-filled four years (or in my case five), our degree of choice generally had a pretty significant impact on our career prospects and says a decent bit about who we are as people. Here’s to hoping you chose something that could pay off those student loans.
Accounting
“Accountants are the Hufflepuffs of corporate America.” You’re not a risk-taker and to be quite frank, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. After all, your college degree is an investment (a damn expensive one) and a decent paying job in accounting is generally a sure thing. Yeah, you may have the social skills of Kevin Malone or the (not so) fun side of Angela Martin, but everybody needs a numbers guy. There’s a good chance that you’ll probably hate your job, but at least you’ll have a nice car.
Philosophy
Let’s be honest, these were some of the weirdest kids you met in college. What you do with a philosophy degree, I have zero idea, but we all have to ask ourselves life’s big questions. “Why are we here, what is our purpose, why does God hate Cubs fans?”. Generally these were the kids who rocked the meanest neck beards, wore the thickest framed glasses, and spent their Friday nights smoking hookah in the quad while discussing globalization’s impact on Eastern cultures. Philosophy majors have often become the “modern day hipster”, the deep thinking hobo look-alike who you’ve come to know as he takes your order at the local Starbucks each morning.
Political Science
I plead the fifth. This was my major of the choice, the first of many bad decisions that marked my college experience. Like many political science majors, I joined my political club of choice (College Republicans, obviously), quoted Frank Underwood on a daily basis, and bullshitted papers for the bulk of my college experience. It’s no secret this isn’t the most marketable of degrees. While most take on six figures of debt and gamble on becoming a lawyer, others fetch coffee for their local congressman. I thank God every day I lucked into a salary job with benefits considering the questionable nature of this degree.
Art History
Well shit, this one’s tough to recover from. My buddy once struck up a conversation with an Art History major at the bar, promptly asking her, “What restaurant do you plan on waitressing at after graduation?” Most of the Art History majors I knew in college were exactly what you would expect: hippies. I’m all for art, I could make a mean papier-mâché back in middle school, but trying to make a career out of colored pencils and pastels seems like risky business.
Oh, and if anyone was wondering, Applebee’s was the answer to my friend’s bourbon-induced question.
Marketing/Public Relations
Ninety percent of the people that work in this field seem to be women (eighty percent of which seem to be attractive), so it doesn’t take an engineering grad to know those are good odds. This is sorority girl central, I can’t tell you how many blonde-haired bombshells I saw tabling for the PR club at my alma mater, I would’ve thought Tri-Delt was promoting their yearly pancake breakfast if I went off of looks alone. If I were to do it all over again this would’ve been a great minor, for the eye candy if nothing else.
Engineering
Probably the best degree you could have these days, I would’ve gone this route in a heartbeat if I understood the Greek alphabet outside of my basic pledging duties. The ratio in this major was pretty brutal for the fellas, because even if you could find a girl in your class she still probably had the personality of well, an engineer. In all seriousness I had a few roommates who studied this stuff and all have gone on to do pretty well for themselves, a revenge of the nerds type deal, more or less.
Botany
You’re probably a stoner. I mean let’s be honest here, who gets a degree in Botany without moving to rural Oregon with the intent of growing enough green to sustain the local high school crowd? As a matter of fact, I would venture to guess that most of the people graduating with botany degrees also pursue a double major in pharmacy, if you catch my drift. With marijuana on the cusp of legalization across the country, expect this degree to have a “high” return on investment in the next few years.
Education
God bless your soul. Coming from a family of teachers myself, I can attest to the difficulty of this field. I actually considered becoming an educator for a while before working a summer as a camp counselor and realizing I could hardly teach the youth how to roast a marshmallow, let alone long division and the periodic table. I’m eternally grateful for the teachers who dealt with my bullshit as a kid and it takes a special person to deal with children all day, especially in the age of six year olds with iPhones and overbearing parents. Keep on fighting the good fight, friends.
Finance
Good call, you did some research before you chose what degree to pursue. You’re probably a go-getter who idolizes Mark Cuban (because, well, don’t we all?) and watches CNBC when you’re not trading stocks or contributing to your Roth IRA. We all have a finance guy that we call for stock advice or how to best roll over your 401k, they’re essential to every #squad. Keep on making all of us look broke as shit, old pal.
Drama
If I didn’t know any better I would speculate that there’s a few coworkers in my own office who hold this degree. You’re probably a less endearing version of Andy Bernard from “The Office” who may or may not be making unwise decisions based off of “your dreams.” I lived with one of these goobers during my freshman year and I’m convinced he’s still running around NYC hoping to stumble ass-backwards onto the set of The Book Of Mormon. Cut your losses and settle for improv class after the ole’ 9-5, bud. .
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
When your degree isn’t mentioned in a “what your college degree says about you” article. PGP
Botany getting the nod over biology and chemistry. PGP
Oh man, you went wayyy too easy on Drama. Let it loose, man, I’m sure Kendra can take it.
At least the hufflepuffs of corporate america have firm-sponsored happy hours.
A drunk hufflepuff is still a hufflepuff
Just more awkward
Going back for your MBA because your psychology degree only taught you how to ask people how the feel for 25k a year.
Before reading this I was anticipating my degree in Communication Studies getting railed.
I went the accounting route. Everybody thinks that accounting is so hard. Really, it’s just like anything else. Put in the time with weekly homework and actually read the book and understand what you’re doing and it’s manageable. I think it gets a bad rap because its a weed out class in most business schools to keep the Marketing/Management graduates down to 90% of the graduating class instead of the full hundo.
Truth was spoken here.
Thanks for the update, Clay.
I did my bachelors in botany and you saw a massive drop in the number of stoners after o-chem 1. But yeah, if you run the PhD gauntlet you’re pretty much set in Colorado, Oregon, Vermont, et al.
International Business Degree is pretty solid if you minor in a second language. If you learn Chinese you can expect 6 figures out of college. The rub is you have to live in a polluted dump like Shanghai. Hong Kong is pretty sweet though.
Yeah being able to speak Chinese landed me an entry level position.
Apply to investment banks in China like Morgan Stanley
Am I the only one who is thinking, “dude, you’ve graduated, it’s time to move on.”? After you get a job, your degree is about as relevant as your gpa.
For most people that visit this site, mid-20s with a couple years of experience, your degree still does matter. If we’re talking 30+ then you may be correct but no business is going to hire you for sales if you’re a chemist right out of college. Maybe when you’re 40 and have lots of experience in pharma, however.
This is not entirely correct. Many firms do not look for specific degree requirements when hiring their sales staff. They look for people who are intelligent, motivated, personable, and willing to trade salary for potential bonus.
… No, I’d say that after the 4 year mark post-grad, your degree is mainly used to fulfill the requirement “has degree” in HR screening software.
Job postings may say that they want a specific degree, but they’re not going to take that over real-life actual work experience.