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From the time I was a little girl, I, like most others, have been planning my wedding. While my tastes have evolved from hot pink bridesmaids’ dresses and 400 of my nearest and dearest to a neutral palette and small gathering that will feel more like an awesome party, the mental planning has always been a staple of my psyche. But as I’ve attended more and more of my friends’ nuptials without a steady plus-one, a scary question has arisen:
What if I never get married?
There’s a part of me that’s pissed I even worry about the prospect of no one putting a ring on it. I mean, I’ve never been one of those girls that needs a guy to complete her. I own my own home, I make a good living, I travel, and I’m relatively adept at power tools (both of the nightstand and tool box variety). So why is the prospect of never getting married as scary to me as suddenly developing an allergy to cheese?
I could blame society and/or the media, where we call women who have never married “old maids” or “spinsters,” who have 100 cats… except that I’m cool with that because I happen to like cats. I could blame my biological clock, except that I think it’s out of batteries because that thing is not ticking. I could blame my mom, who despite that fact that I have three advanced degrees, will not be satisfied until I put “Mrs.” in front of my name instead of “Dr.” except that I’m amazing at tuning her out. I could write some Beyoncé-esque piece about how independent women don’t need a man, except that it’s not about need, it’s about want.
So maybe that’s the true conflict here. Maybe I’m less concerned about not getting married and more worried about what it says about me that I am scared of never getting married. Am I somehow betraying my fierce independence if I’m concerned about spending my life without a partner?
Marriage used to be the presumed end-game of dating. But then sometime in the late ’90s, The Spice Girls yelled “Girl power!” and flipped the script. Suddenly, it was weak or desperate if a girl admitted she wanted (not needed) a husband. You had to keep everything casual, as if mention of the M-word would send a guy running away faster than Kim Kardashian runs toward a photo op. Fast forward 20 years, and we’re still in the same boat, carefully wording our Bumble profiles to make sure that we look carefree enough to get a right swipe. Admitting out loud (or in writing) that you are looking for marriage at some point in the future (near or far) is perceived as the death-knell of any possible match or blossoming relationship.
You know what? I’m calling bullshit on that. I believe, and assume that Beyoncé would agree, that a true independent women should be upfront about what she wants. So here it is: I want to get married. My life goal is to be one-half of a sixty-five year old couple, who holds hands as they walk through the grocery store on a Wednesday morning. I’m cool with only having sex with one person for the rest of my life (as long as he’s really, really good at it). And I’m not afraid to admit that, as the days, months and years tick by, I’m scared about the prospect of not having someone to share my life with.
So there it is, my friends: my biggest fear, ahead of snakes, heights, and Justin Bieber becoming an American citizen, is never getting married.
I am woman, hear me roar…I want a husband. But I’ll probably be ok if I don’t find one…right, Mr. Whiskers?.
Respond
Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
You’re a Dr., make six figures, own a home, have a good sense of humor, are knowledgeable in sports, and claim to have giants knockers. Something tells me you’ll be okay in the husband department.
May propose based on said knockers alone
I’ll take NotBroke at her word on everything else, but I’m leaving a caveat on those things until we get an updated profile pic with more concrete proof as backup.
“Tits are like pizza; a small pizza is better than no pizza at all.” – Mark Twain
“I do declare, there is nothing greater on God’s green earth than sucking on a nice pair of titties.” -Edgar Allen Poe
I’m a little concerned that EAP is your go-to author
She’s a patriots fan though.
Wow… uhhh…. I uhh…. Wow.
I know what this was in response to. Ballsy move by whoever posted that link. Any more specific thoughts you have to share?
Fuck the app. Idk what this is all about.
Sup?
As a single male, this hits home. Too much scaries!
Right? The only thing worse than being a woman who is looking for the ring is the guy that actually wants it too. And I’m the guy everyone says won’t get married until he’s 35-45-never. I need a puppy.
I didn’t really think it would hit a dude the same way, that’s interesting. Thanks for sharing!
I was really feeling the spark until the pats jersey
Man I’ve never related to an article so much as this one. Very well articulated!
Sup?
This definitely hits home. Thinking about spending the rest of my life single with no one to share it with is a little terrifying.
Sup
You are the hero us single guys need, but not the one we deserve. PS go Pats!
#notallheroeswearcapes
Since the concept of marriage is an old religious trick of control while also furthering the probability of having more able bodied workers for the establishment through breeding while also lowering the spread of disease through promiscuity amongst the commoners, companionship is not and it offers far more benefits without the shackles. You don’t need to get the government and the church involved with your love life and your personal finances. That being said, I am in the Boston area as well and can be taken out for drinks since you’re a doctor and def get paid more than me. Also, picking up our tab will be the ultimate show of girl power that you speak of. I am not a bum because if I was do you think I’d be able to write such persuasive dialog?
If I were you, I’d go on the date with him, if only for the stories.
This is getting old.
I know, tell me about it.
F em Nived you do you. “stay golden Ponyboy”
We’re allowed to say ‘fuck’ on the interwebz
HR Dept did too good a job brainwashing me
Fuck that.
I’d propose and take you around the US with me every 4-6 years but you’re a Pats fan and thats a no-go.
Sup?
You’ll have a lot more money and free time.