Having to ask a friend, “Would it be creepy if a date her if she’s hat young?”

I’ve had the same condom in my wallet for the past year. PGP.

Submitting TFM posts when you’re 34 and married. PGP.

I avoid websites I like at night so I can check them out on work time. PGP.

Was too embarrassed to tell my doctor that I haven’t slept with anyone since my last visit.

I always think tomorrow is the day I’ll start giving a shit. Tomorrow never comes. PGP.

Last night was live music night at the local Applebee’s. It was pretty good. PGP

Vacationing in your college town. #PGP

When I start thinking that I won’t have an original idea, I just remind myself that Jimmy Buffett wrote a song about goddamn cheeseburgers and is now a multimillionaire.

Threatening to boycott your friends wedding if they don’t have an open bar. PGP