Told my secretary I wasn’t feeling well and was going to check out early. She said “you don’t look very good.” I’m actually fine, I just wanted to run some errands.

“A few questions regarding your expense report.”

I’ve been at work for an hour and I have yet to do anything remotely productive.

Every time someone calls in sick, rumors swirl about that person interviewing at another firm.

My favorite work bathroom is under construction.

My job forces me to use Internet Explorer.