My friends are all getting engaged. I’m still puking on street corners. PGP.

Yesterday was my boss’s birthday and we ate at a Brazilian steakhouse on the company card. Today was my birthday and I ate a Wendy’s baconator alone in my car. PGP.

Any time someone emails me with a question, it takes every ounce of my will power not to answer, “I have no fucking idea, dude.” PGP.

Repeatedly explaining basic Microsoft Office commands to older coworkers. PGP.