I hope it’s exchanges like these that bring a smile to the faces of Madison, Dorn, Dave, Will, Brian, and Knox (wherever you are). Knowing that they’ve brought strangers together all over the country – that’s what it’s all about. And making money. Don’t anyone forget to head on over to rowdygentleman.com to take advantage of those end of summer sales and stock up on newly arrived fall staples.
Congrats. Good luck to him in KS. It’s a lot different from Philly (I think that’s where you are???) but KC is a good town full of really nice people. Tons of PGPers there too it seems.
I have a bachelor party weekend in Vegas at the end of the month and reading these tales gave me more than a hint of the scaries for what’s inevitably coming my way.
I’m such an anal nerd I put my list in order by geographical location of items in the store so I have the exact same route each week and rarely forget anything.
Something tells me Nived prefers the sweet release of death over the struggle that is surviving a post-apocalyptic world eventually created by the ongoing underground war between the lizard kings and the Rothschild’s.
1. By this logic it would be illegal to serve draft beer, thus forcing all patrons to take keg stands behind the bar.
2. I don’t often crave ice cold Budweiser straight from the tap at 8:57 am, but god damn does that sound delicious right about now.
Same goes for every species on the planet. Basically any noise you’ve ever heard a wild animal make is it shooting its shot. Birds chirping, bull frogs croaking, crickets creaking, coyotes howling. Get out there, sing your song, and may the opposite sex come a flocking. (and a fucking)
First and foremost, who’s even inviting Ex’s to their wedding? Pretty sure the last thing Mrs. Rico wanted to see from the altar was a girl I used to bang.
Be sure to get started early on Sunday. If the neighbors wake up at 7:30 in the morning to the sound of a crying baby, their Scaries will be off the chart as they spend the next 14 hours hearing intermittent barks and wails, slowly realizing neither dogs nor babies understand a 24 hour clock or posses the ability to sleep through the night. If you happen to pass them by, mention the baby is colicky, meaning it wakes up crying because it’s hungry only to cry more after you feed it because now it’s awake and upset for no reason and that’s just what babies do sometimes, often for hours and hours on end.
Oh, and have a blessed day.
The first thing you need to do is figure out which night they’re most vulnerable, i.e. which night they desire sleep the most. If they’re young professionals that’s going to be either Sunday or Monday, meaning you will have to sacrifice a Saturday night of fun to avoid a hangover yourself. Then I would come up with a creative way to incorporate crying baby noises, maybe also throw in a barking dog so they develop a Pavlovian response of barking dog = annoying crying infant. This way they stay awake all night and form a deed seeded hatred for both dogs and babies, thereby rendering them undatable to females far and wide. When they inevitably come over to ask about the noise / congratulate you on having a baby, pretend like you don’t know what they’re talking about, thus forcing them to question their own sanity.
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Congrats. Where in town?
And the lighting never changes; it’s always set to mimic dawn so your internal clock thinks it is time to get up and at ’em.
It also implies their mother was an alcoholic and that the ex-girlfriend suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome, so two birds with one stone I guess.
The ice doesn’t melt. You just keep adding more beer as needed.
I hope it’s exchanges like these that bring a smile to the faces of Madison, Dorn, Dave, Will, Brian, and Knox (wherever you are). Knowing that they’ve brought strangers together all over the country – that’s what it’s all about. And making money. Don’t anyone forget to head on over to rowdygentleman.com to take advantage of those end of summer sales and stock up on newly arrived fall staples.
Congrats. Good luck to him in KS. It’s a lot different from Philly (I think that’s where you are???) but KC is a good town full of really nice people. Tons of PGPers there too it seems.
I would reverse want and deserve in your statement.
I have a bachelor party weekend in Vegas at the end of the month and reading these tales gave me more than a hint of the scaries for what’s inevitably coming my way.
**CPGP “ClassyPGP” / PGPMPGP “PostGradPowerMovePGP”
Red wine dick. PGP?
No, just superior.
Once you get to the store it’s way easier than if the items are grouped by meal.
I’m such an anal nerd I put my list in order by geographical location of items in the store so I have the exact same route each week and rarely forget anything.
Something tells me Nived prefers the sweet release of death over the struggle that is surviving a post-apocalyptic world eventually created by the ongoing underground war between the lizard kings and the Rothschild’s.
1. By this logic it would be illegal to serve draft beer, thus forcing all patrons to take keg stands behind the bar.
2. I don’t often crave ice cold Budweiser straight from the tap at 8:57 am, but god damn does that sound delicious right about now.
Same goes for every species on the planet. Basically any noise you’ve ever heard a wild animal make is it shooting its shot. Birds chirping, bull frogs croaking, crickets creaking, coyotes howling. Get out there, sing your song, and may the opposite sex come a flocking. (and a fucking)
First and foremost, who’s even inviting Ex’s to their wedding? Pretty sure the last thing Mrs. Rico wanted to see from the altar was a girl I used to bang.
I respect the fact that this took at least 11 minutes to post and you stuck with it.
Be sure to get started early on Sunday. If the neighbors wake up at 7:30 in the morning to the sound of a crying baby, their Scaries will be off the chart as they spend the next 14 hours hearing intermittent barks and wails, slowly realizing neither dogs nor babies understand a 24 hour clock or posses the ability to sleep through the night. If you happen to pass them by, mention the baby is colicky, meaning it wakes up crying because it’s hungry only to cry more after you feed it because now it’s awake and upset for no reason and that’s just what babies do sometimes, often for hours and hours on end.
Oh, and have a blessed day.
The first thing you need to do is figure out which night they’re most vulnerable, i.e. which night they desire sleep the most. If they’re young professionals that’s going to be either Sunday or Monday, meaning you will have to sacrifice a Saturday night of fun to avoid a hangover yourself. Then I would come up with a creative way to incorporate crying baby noises, maybe also throw in a barking dog so they develop a Pavlovian response of barking dog = annoying crying infant. This way they stay awake all night and form a deed seeded hatred for both dogs and babies, thereby rendering them undatable to females far and wide. When they inevitably come over to ask about the noise / congratulate you on having a baby, pretend like you don’t know what they’re talking about, thus forcing them to question their own sanity.