Don’t trust anyone who can take a work dump in less than 8 minutes. PGP.

I have 192 matches on Tinder, but have gotten laid zero times because I’m always too tired and lazy to follow through with trying to set up a date. PGP.

“I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment’s gone. All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity. Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.” PGP.

Having a rush hour crush. PGP.

Masturbating out of boredom. PGP.

France banned work emails after 6 PM? Are they hiring? PGP.

Still taking laundry home for “Easter break.” PGP.

Your couch and coffee table doubling as your dinner table and “home office.” PGP.

Taco Bell for breakfast because you were late for work. Taco Bell for dinner because you have no self respect. PGP.

Talking about the bar at work, talking about work at the bar. PGP.