My boss, who makes $300k, just asked me where the word count is in Microsoft Word. PGP.

Just learned I have to carry a separate business iPhone, making me look like the biggest douche of all-time. PGP.

“I’ll get right on that when I get back from lunch.” PGP.

Leaving the office at 5:02 so you don’t look like the jackasses that leave right at 5:00. PGP.

Getting cut off at Applebee’s. PGP.

Saying you “ran the numbers” when you added something up on a calculator. PGP.