Started calling my supervisor “Pledge Master” because I swear he’s hazing.

Developing “monitor envy” when a coworker gets dual screens that are larger than your one. PGP.

I can’t wait to “Throwback Thursday” this job. PGP.

Riding a fine caffeinated line between falling asleep and having a seizure. PGP.

Warmed the toilet seat for the company president today. Gave him a single pistol and said, “You’re welcome.” PGP.

“Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly far far away from here.”

Just had an hour-long conversation with my mom…and I liked it. PGP.

Seeing three pregnancy photos in a row on my newsfeed is the best way to get me back to work. PGP.

I would fire every single person here without feeling bad if I was only given the chance. PGP.

Female sales reps that dress like they’ll do anything for the sale. PGP.