Gmail automatically marks the newsletter from my liquor store as “important.” PGP.

Brought my lunch to save money. Gone by 10 am. PGP.

Thinking to yourself “…there’s no way this can be right,” when your bank account hits four digits. PGP.

Knocking on the doorframe because the door is open. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me Goose.” PGP.

I’m seriously considering moving in with a girl I’m not that interested in just so I can save 50% on rent. PGP.

1: “Who in the fuck brewed decaf?” 2: “Some virgin.” PGP.

All Mint.com does is remind me that the majority of my income is spent on alcohol. PGP.