One of the last remaining tech support pro's who have yet to be outsourced. My parents think I "replace keyboards" for a living. Ask me what I hit at the club last weekend, then add 10 strokes.
Pro-tip: you can bring as many nips as you can stuff in a 1-quart Ziploc bag through TSA, and you’re required by law to have the stewardess open them for you (if you don’t like being sneaky).
Honorable Mentions:
“Look at my baby. LOOK AT IT.”
Shares from either Elite Daily or Buzzfeed
Placedropping
Seeing celebrities and pretending to namedrop
Anything with small children
Meme’s
Anything political or religious
General sports bandwagoning
#18 is a great way to ruin #10 and #11. Save the fancy stuff for when you’re out with colleagues or going out with a potential somebody; keep the Miller throwbacks in your fridge at home.
Just remember that technology and modern medicine is evolving so rapidly that by the time you’re rotting away internally from cirrhosis, you’ll be able to snag a sweet artificial liver.
“Excuse me miss, I’m not the kind of guy to be forward like this, but I would love to take you out tonight to the Applebee’s within walking distance of my apartment. Not until 9pm though, that’s when the half-off appetizers are.”
“Oh, you’re busy? Shucks, well how about we just skip the formalities and just hunker down on my couch and put some Netflix on? I’m pretty sure my parents haven’t changed the password, but if you play your cards right, I could ask them for the HBO:GO.”
“No? Let me sweeten the deal with three-quarters of a handle of Popov in my freezer. I mix a mean screwdriver.”
“Wait…don’t walk away just yet. You’re right, these are absurd. Let’s just take the weekend off and go to my cabin…it is in the middle of the woods…you’re good.”
“Who am I kidding…you’re not interested in any of this. I can’t woo you with 50% off spring rolls, House of Cards, vodka, or a quiet getaway. Let’s just take the express train down to my groin; everyone gets off at Scrotum Station.”
“…man…someone’s uptight. Well, she knows what’s on the table. Can’t say I didn’t try. She’ll come around.”
Advertise
Knox, are you a “Dave and only Dave” guy, or are you on the jam band train across the board?
Whenever someone sends me something NSFW, I open the link on my phone.
Pro-tip: you can bring as many nips as you can stuff in a 1-quart Ziploc bag through TSA, and you’re required by law to have the stewardess open them for you (if you don’t like being sneaky).
Same here in Beantown. Decent 2BR will run you at least over two grand.
Honorable Mentions:
“Look at my baby. LOOK AT IT.”
Shares from either Elite Daily or Buzzfeed
Placedropping
Seeing celebrities and pretending to namedrop
Anything with small children
Meme’s
Anything political or religious
General sports bandwagoning
I don’t use Gchat either….FOMOGc
The secret is coupling your Sack Lodge mentality with your Jeremy Grey abilities.
#18 is a great way to ruin #10 and #11. Save the fancy stuff for when you’re out with colleagues or going out with a potential somebody; keep the Miller throwbacks in your fridge at home.
Just remember that technology and modern medicine is evolving so rapidly that by the time you’re rotting away internally from cirrhosis, you’ll be able to snag a sweet artificial liver.
The fact that ‘Bandits’ is not on here is a henious crime.
Bring Your Whole Crew by DMX
But after almost a decade, you know he’s packing heat below his Comfort Waist D3’s.
Using the company card isn’t worth the T&E hell when you get back.
#imhotyournot just bumped itself to the top of my queue for “Things that make me feel better about myself”.
Only $1,500 to live-tweet your divorce mediation.
“Excuse me miss, I’m not the kind of guy to be forward like this, but I would love to take you out tonight to the Applebee’s within walking distance of my apartment. Not until 9pm though, that’s when the half-off appetizers are.”
“Oh, you’re busy? Shucks, well how about we just skip the formalities and just hunker down on my couch and put some Netflix on? I’m pretty sure my parents haven’t changed the password, but if you play your cards right, I could ask them for the HBO:GO.”
“No? Let me sweeten the deal with three-quarters of a handle of Popov in my freezer. I mix a mean screwdriver.”
“Wait…don’t walk away just yet. You’re right, these are absurd. Let’s just take the weekend off and go to my cabin…it is in the middle of the woods…you’re good.”
“Who am I kidding…you’re not interested in any of this. I can’t woo you with 50% off spring rolls, House of Cards, vodka, or a quiet getaway. Let’s just take the express train down to my groin; everyone gets off at Scrotum Station.”
“…man…someone’s uptight. Well, she knows what’s on the table. Can’t say I didn’t try. She’ll come around.”
#4 Hot dogs or legs?