I witnessed a complete meltdown of a co-worker and it was glorious. I knew he was trouble when I was training him and he had a nose bleed. He also mentioned he was in a frat that got kicked off campus for coke and rape problems. At first, I figured to each his own, I just wouldn’t let him buy me drinks at happy hour. He progressively got weirder throughout his employment, he was a true believer in the illuminati and he told me really weird stories about things he did back in his home town. I… I can’t even get into those details. He was a real violent bastard. There was an annoying (but harmless) girl at my work that he couldn’t stand, like he had a real hatred for her that no one understood. He immed me one day that he wanted to curb stomp her and mentioned fantasies of punching her in several different occasions. He didn’t say it in a funny or sarcastic way. He had a real sinister tone and a shit eating grin that gave me the creeps. He also loved using the C word. I told him that the curb stomping was a bit aggressive and he stood up out of his cube and screamed “F*CK THIS, F*CK YOU”. Okay…. He was super delusional and was telling people I was in the illuminati and spying on him…. Seriously. I got kinda nervous, I could literally imagine him kicking me in the back of the head while filling out the equivalent of a TPS report in my cube. I didn’t want to go down like that. I grabbed one of my managers and walked into the conference room to voice my concerns. I flipped on the lights and as my manager asked me “what’s going on” , I saw the crazy coworker waking up from a nap in the corner of the conference room (this wasn’t even a lunch break). He looked so confused like he didn’t know where he was, like he had come off a 5 day bender. I just casually said “I think there’s something wrong with Todd” and pointed at him and left the room. He didn’t come back the next day. It scares me he knows where I work. I should of played along with being an illuminati spy…
My moms tells baristas her name is Sally. She doesn’t like giving out her name. It cracks me up every time. Everyone tells her she looks like Sally Field and she ran with it.
I want to send this to my sister-in-law. Whenever my parents take me and the other siblings and our spouses to dinner , they always pick up the tab. It makes me cringe that my sister-in-law will take it upon herself to order multiple apps when everyone else tells the server they are good with (free) bread. The most irritating thing she does it place a to-go order for her next meal. I don’t understand how she was raised to think this is okay and how my brother hasn’t put a stop to it. She has also been known to have my brother place a to-go order when she doesn’t make it to dinner. You don’t show, you don’t get free dinner! My parents would never say anything but I know they think it’s déclassé behavior.
Rule of thumb if someone is treating you to dinner. Never entertain ordering an app unless the host suggests it. Don’t order extra sides and NEVER order a to-go meal!
Last year I had a client that was a know-it-all, jerk who interrupted constantly and always had an attitude. I had to jump through many hoops to get his sale. He then called 3 days later which was also EOM to cancel his order. I muted the phone and said to a co-worker “how do you process a blah blah blah cancellation, this guy was a total pain in the ass the whole sales process and now is cancelling and ruining my quota”. Well apparently sometimes the mute buttons at work don’t work … And it just makes you sound like you are in a box. He heard everything and chewed me out, I calmly said “okay, I’ll process your cancellation” and hung up, didn’t try and persuade him to not cancel. I prayed for a long time that he would never call in to report me in an attempt to get a better deal. I learned to never trust the mute button!!
I must be a terrible human being because the last thing I want to do in an uber is talk to the driver much less sit in the front with them. Just get me to my location, I’ll tip big if you don’t bug me with small talk.
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Oh gosh, a sit down shower. That’s when you know you’re really struggling. Committed to a shower but changed mind you wanted a bath.
If this is your best, I’d love to hear your worst.
The spicy chicken biscuit and frosted coffee is a solid combo. I don’t know if I should try it before it’s yanked away, I may fall in love.
Seriously, his shirt makes me want to punch his parents in the face.
This is funny but also depressing because it’s completely true.
This story gives me hope
Lifetime Fitness… Outdoor pool with slides, Aveda salon and spa, and a cafe that makes healthy smoothies that taste like milk shakes.
He sounds like Seth Rogan.
I witnessed a complete meltdown of a co-worker and it was glorious. I knew he was trouble when I was training him and he had a nose bleed. He also mentioned he was in a frat that got kicked off campus for coke and rape problems. At first, I figured to each his own, I just wouldn’t let him buy me drinks at happy hour. He progressively got weirder throughout his employment, he was a true believer in the illuminati and he told me really weird stories about things he did back in his home town. I… I can’t even get into those details. He was a real violent bastard. There was an annoying (but harmless) girl at my work that he couldn’t stand, like he had a real hatred for her that no one understood. He immed me one day that he wanted to curb stomp her and mentioned fantasies of punching her in several different occasions. He didn’t say it in a funny or sarcastic way. He had a real sinister tone and a shit eating grin that gave me the creeps. He also loved using the C word. I told him that the curb stomping was a bit aggressive and he stood up out of his cube and screamed “F*CK THIS, F*CK YOU”. Okay…. He was super delusional and was telling people I was in the illuminati and spying on him…. Seriously. I got kinda nervous, I could literally imagine him kicking me in the back of the head while filling out the equivalent of a TPS report in my cube. I didn’t want to go down like that. I grabbed one of my managers and walked into the conference room to voice my concerns. I flipped on the lights and as my manager asked me “what’s going on” , I saw the crazy coworker waking up from a nap in the corner of the conference room (this wasn’t even a lunch break). He looked so confused like he didn’t know where he was, like he had come off a 5 day bender. I just casually said “I think there’s something wrong with Todd” and pointed at him and left the room. He didn’t come back the next day. It scares me he knows where I work. I should of played along with being an illuminati spy…
My moms tells baristas her name is Sally. She doesn’t like giving out her name. It cracks me up every time. Everyone tells her she looks like Sally Field and she ran with it.
Can we just not with the political articles, I see this shit on Facebook all day. It’s so annoying, can we just have somewhere to escape the election.
I really want to see the last portion of his article “when I was a kid I wore: an all orange fubu….” Maybe it’s a good thing it stopped there.
I want to send this to my sister-in-law. Whenever my parents take me and the other siblings and our spouses to dinner , they always pick up the tab. It makes me cringe that my sister-in-law will take it upon herself to order multiple apps when everyone else tells the server they are good with (free) bread. The most irritating thing she does it place a to-go order for her next meal. I don’t understand how she was raised to think this is okay and how my brother hasn’t put a stop to it. She has also been known to have my brother place a to-go order when she doesn’t make it to dinner. You don’t show, you don’t get free dinner! My parents would never say anything but I know they think it’s déclassé behavior.
Rule of thumb if someone is treating you to dinner. Never entertain ordering an app unless the host suggests it. Don’t order extra sides and NEVER order a to-go meal!
This is how my adderall farewell went, “good bye adderall, hello 10 lbs”
Damn, this article makes me want to go give my dog a big hug. Just change your name to Michael Vick.
Last year I had a client that was a know-it-all, jerk who interrupted constantly and always had an attitude. I had to jump through many hoops to get his sale. He then called 3 days later which was also EOM to cancel his order. I muted the phone and said to a co-worker “how do you process a blah blah blah cancellation, this guy was a total pain in the ass the whole sales process and now is cancelling and ruining my quota”. Well apparently sometimes the mute buttons at work don’t work … And it just makes you sound like you are in a box. He heard everything and chewed me out, I calmly said “okay, I’ll process your cancellation” and hung up, didn’t try and persuade him to not cancel. I prayed for a long time that he would never call in to report me in an attempt to get a better deal. I learned to never trust the mute button!!
Best Vickie moment ever : “you sent a family van? A FAMILY VAN!”
I must be a terrible human being because the last thing I want to do in an uber is talk to the driver much less sit in the front with them. Just get me to my location, I’ll tip big if you don’t bug me with small talk.
Haha, I like your mom!
She takes off her ring every time she washes her hands? It was only a matter of time.