In many cities there are companies that rent what are essentially party busses except they are designed to look like trolley cars (they have bench seating and exposed sides so you can drunkenly yell at people on the street). Chicks typically rent them for birthdays and bachelorette parties and they drive you around to bars all night, and you can drink on the trolley in between.
Girl: “Why do I only make 77% of what a man makes?”
Me: “Because your desk is decorated with pink hearts and obnoxiously-cliché quotes from self-help books.”
This is almost as bad as the “what ____ thinks I do / what I really do” meme that was going around a couple years ago. People need to understand that basically no one, even your own friends and family, gives a rat’s ass what you do at work on a day to day basis. They don’t have a misconception about how glamorous your job is or isn’t because they don’t think about it in the first place.
She was only a minor character, but Vince’s publicist from Entourage (the uppity bitch with the annoying voice) was the most rage-inducingly annoying person on that show. Every time she appeared on screen I wanted to punch the fucking TV.
Make yourself more attractive (get fitter, dress better, spend more time on your makeup, etc) and you will get approached more often. This isn’t rocket science. Since we (guys) are putting in the work of approaching the girl, we’re going to swing for the fences and pick the hottest one at the bar. If/when we strike out with her, we’ll work our way down the scale. Look around the room and ask yourself honestly who the hottest girl there is. If it isn’t you, you’re gonna have to get off your ass and put in a little approach work. Welcome to the 21st century.
TL;DR version of this article: “I’m a gold-digging bitch who’s too cheap and selfish to buy my man a nice $5,000 Swiss watch even though he just dropped $25,000 on a 2-carat diamond ring for me.”
Every man you date from now on should be sent a copy of this article so that he can evaluate your marriage-worthiness for himself.
You realize that in 95% of offices, the wall thermostat doesn’t do anything, right? Modern commercial HVAC systems are automated – they just put the gauge there so that employees have the illusion of controlling the temperature.
Reposted/expanded from my rant on a similar column:
The Baby Boomers are the laziest, dumbest, most sanctimonious generation of entitled assholes in American history. They inherited a spectacular country that their parents’ generation built with hard work and sacrifice, and their response to a world of privilege and possibility was to spend their youths lecturing their elders about pseudo-Marxist bullshit, study worthless liberal arts subjects in college, and generally be a bunch of lazy, unproductive hippies. Then in their mid-20’s they finally got their shit together and started working. Luckily for them this was easy at the time because they had no debt thanks to the basically-free cost of college and the fact that good jobs were available to any asshole with a BA regardless of major. But of course that wasn’t good enough for them. They proceeded to spend their entire adult lives destroying the country their parents built by demanding “gimme gimme gimme” entitlements from the politicians they elected, racked up absurd amounts of household debt, saved almost nothing for retirement, and ate their fat asses into an epidemic of type-2 diabetes. And to top it all off, as they enter retirement they are simultaneously screaming “tax the youth, we need more medicare” while at the same time having the balls to lecture us about how WE need to learn work ethic and responsibility.
Sorry Boomer, but you can just go ahead and shut the fuck up now. If I want life lessons I will talk to YOUR parents, not you. There is a reason they are called the “Greatest Generation”. They knew how to get shit done, and all you knew was how to fuck things up. You’re lucky that most of them are dead now because they would be well within their rights to take off their belts and spank the shit out of you for what you did to their great country.
The Baby Boomers are the laziest, stupidest, most sanctimonious generation of assholes in American history. They inherited a spectacular country that their parents’ generation built with hard work and sacrifice and their response was to spend their youths lecturing their elders and studying bullshit subjects in college and being a bunch of lazy hippies. Then they finally go their shit together and started working. Of course this was easy for them because they had no debt thanks to the basically-free cost of college at the time and the fact that good jobs were available to any asshole with a BA regardless of major. But that wasn’t good enough for them. They then proceeded to spend their entire adult lives destroying the country their parents built with horrible political decisions, irresponsible life choices, and the creation of unfunded entitlements. And after a lifetime of irresponsibility they now have the audacity to lecture us about the meaning of hard work and responsibility.
Scott Disick doesn’t have any money. He has no real job, his parents lost their entire fortune, and the Kardashians pay for all his clothes and shit. The guy’s a complete fraud.
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Can’t we find someone a little…….. less ugly to be the voice of our generation?
In many cities there are companies that rent what are essentially party busses except they are designed to look like trolley cars (they have bench seating and exposed sides so you can drunkenly yell at people on the street). Chicks typically rent them for birthdays and bachelorette parties and they drive you around to bars all night, and you can drink on the trolley in between.
I was thinking the same thing. If I was hanging out with a girl and she said “I miss you” I would just be confused and/or slightly terrified.
Girl: “Why do I only make 77% of what a man makes?”
Me: “Because your desk is decorated with pink hearts and obnoxiously-cliché quotes from self-help books.”
Bottle service is for guidos. Order your own drink like a real man.
If you think water fluoridation is a bad thing you are too stupid to hold public office.
Your boyfriend broke up with you because you wanted to watch Breaking Bad when he wanted to have sex.
The real me is basically a sociopath, which means I can more or less pretend to be whatever I need to be in order to get ahead in life.
This is almost as bad as the “what ____ thinks I do / what I really do” meme that was going around a couple years ago. People need to understand that basically no one, even your own friends and family, gives a rat’s ass what you do at work on a day to day basis. They don’t have a misconception about how glamorous your job is or isn’t because they don’t think about it in the first place.
She was only a minor character, but Vince’s publicist from Entourage (the uppity bitch with the annoying voice) was the most rage-inducingly annoying person on that show. Every time she appeared on screen I wanted to punch the fucking TV.
PCU is a criminally-underrated film. Fucking hilarious.
BOOM.
Make yourself more attractive (get fitter, dress better, spend more time on your makeup, etc) and you will get approached more often. This isn’t rocket science. Since we (guys) are putting in the work of approaching the girl, we’re going to swing for the fences and pick the hottest one at the bar. If/when we strike out with her, we’ll work our way down the scale. Look around the room and ask yourself honestly who the hottest girl there is. If it isn’t you, you’re gonna have to get off your ass and put in a little approach work. Welcome to the 21st century.
Gold-diggers never get it.
TL;DR version of this article: “I’m a gold-digging bitch who’s too cheap and selfish to buy my man a nice $5,000 Swiss watch even though he just dropped $25,000 on a 2-carat diamond ring for me.”
Every man you date from now on should be sent a copy of this article so that he can evaluate your marriage-worthiness for himself.
You realize that in 95% of offices, the wall thermostat doesn’t do anything, right? Modern commercial HVAC systems are automated – they just put the gauge there so that employees have the illusion of controlling the temperature.
I see no problem with anything he did.
Reposted/expanded from my rant on a similar column:
The Baby Boomers are the laziest, dumbest, most sanctimonious generation of entitled assholes in American history. They inherited a spectacular country that their parents’ generation built with hard work and sacrifice, and their response to a world of privilege and possibility was to spend their youths lecturing their elders about pseudo-Marxist bullshit, study worthless liberal arts subjects in college, and generally be a bunch of lazy, unproductive hippies. Then in their mid-20’s they finally got their shit together and started working. Luckily for them this was easy at the time because they had no debt thanks to the basically-free cost of college and the fact that good jobs were available to any asshole with a BA regardless of major. But of course that wasn’t good enough for them. They proceeded to spend their entire adult lives destroying the country their parents built by demanding “gimme gimme gimme” entitlements from the politicians they elected, racked up absurd amounts of household debt, saved almost nothing for retirement, and ate their fat asses into an epidemic of type-2 diabetes. And to top it all off, as they enter retirement they are simultaneously screaming “tax the youth, we need more medicare” while at the same time having the balls to lecture us about how WE need to learn work ethic and responsibility.
Sorry Boomer, but you can just go ahead and shut the fuck up now. If I want life lessons I will talk to YOUR parents, not you. There is a reason they are called the “Greatest Generation”. They knew how to get shit done, and all you knew was how to fuck things up. You’re lucky that most of them are dead now because they would be well within their rights to take off their belts and spank the shit out of you for what you did to their great country.
The Baby Boomers are the laziest, stupidest, most sanctimonious generation of assholes in American history. They inherited a spectacular country that their parents’ generation built with hard work and sacrifice and their response was to spend their youths lecturing their elders and studying bullshit subjects in college and being a bunch of lazy hippies. Then they finally go their shit together and started working. Of course this was easy for them because they had no debt thanks to the basically-free cost of college at the time and the fact that good jobs were available to any asshole with a BA regardless of major. But that wasn’t good enough for them. They then proceeded to spend their entire adult lives destroying the country their parents built with horrible political decisions, irresponsible life choices, and the creation of unfunded entitlements. And after a lifetime of irresponsibility they now have the audacity to lecture us about the meaning of hard work and responsibility.
Scott Disick doesn’t have any money. He has no real job, his parents lost their entire fortune, and the Kardashians pay for all his clothes and shit. The guy’s a complete fraud.