Wearing athletic shorts while eating an entire pizza. PGP.

Woke up at 4 a.m. to watch The Open and now I can’t stay awake at work. PGP.

Sometimes I wonder if I took a nap in the supply closet, how long it would take my boss to find me. PGP.

My coworkers always think I’m hungover when I’m really just tired. I wish I was as cool as they think. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me Goose.” PGP.

Leaving my job in a week. All this time, I didn’t realize it was possible to do so little work and get away with it. PGP.

The next 5 to 10 generations of LeBron James’ relatives already have more money than I ever will. PGP.

Getting a new match on Tinder gives me the same false promise that my degree did. PGP.

I brought donuts to the office today. My boss told everyone it was him. PGP.