I deleted the Bumble app, but not my account six months ago. Today my girlfriend got a series of screenshots from her sister when she came across my profile. PGP.

Getting legitimately excited to update your LinkedIn after accepting a new job. PGP.

“Please let do not hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.” directly translates to “This conversation is over and I hope to never hear from you again.” PGP.

That knowing “you’re gonna go get fucked up, aren’t you?” look from your boss when you tell him you’re taking PTO to go to Vegas. PGP.

Coworkers that ask “Where’d you go?” when you return from taking a shit. PGP.

“If I had worked this hard in college I would have gotten a 4.0.” PGP.

Coworkers that audibly eat at their desks. PGP.

Planning to do nothing for the weekend so it goes by as slowly as possible. PGP.

Being the only single groomsman at a dry wedding. PGP.

When someone follows you into the bathroom then takes the stall next to yours. PGP.