You’re either the slacker who called in sick or the jerk who got the office sick. PGP

My mom suggested that I get a tinder. PGP.

A guy named Michael Hunt just started in my company today. I’m probably going to get fired. PGP.

Made out with an intern at a work sponsored happy hour. PGP

Considering recording my mouse clicks so I can take breaks without anyone knowing. PGP.