I thought my boss was being generous when he told me to take the Friday after Thanksgiving off. He docked me a day’s pay for not coming in. PGP.

Accidentally referred to myself as an alcoholic instead of a workaholic in a phone interview. At least I told the truth. PGP.

Lying about having seen a YouTube video so you don’t have to stand there and watch it.

Found out my old middle school bully works at Starbucks. I go there twice a week in a suit. PGP

I found out my current job was posted on LinkedIn, so I applied for it. PGPM.

My company put me in charge of ordering new business cards for everyone. Say hello to your new Executive Vice President of Marketing Coordination. PGPM.

I don’t have anything witty to say, I just really hate my job. PGP.

A coworker asked if I have any kids. I said, “Man, I hope not.” They did not find it amusing. PGP.

My manager saw me wearing aviators and now everytime I call him he answers with, “Talk to me Goose.” PGP.