Things Girls Do After Graduation: Go To Music Festivals

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Hey girl, are you like, so excited for this weekend?

[Caroline talking]

I know, right? I’ve been freaking out all week over what to wear. Like, I have literally nothing to wear.

[Caroline talking]

Ugh, no, Todd can’t go. He’s going to a bachelor party on Kiawah Island. Like, hello, Todd! You’re missing The Chainsmokers to hit a little ball into a tiny hole on a humid-ass island? Uh, no thank you.

[Caroline talking]

No, he said there wouldn’t be any strippers.

[Caroline talking]

I mean, yeah, it’s possible he’s lying but like, what are they going to do? Helicopter them in? It’s a fucking island.

[Caroline talking]

Yeah, you’re right. I’m going to Google “Kiawah Island Strip Clubs” the second we get off the phone. Anyway, what are you wearing this weekend? I’m literally having a panic attack over it.

[Caroline talking]

Ugh, you bitch! I was going to be “hippy-chic” on Friday. It’s fine, I can move that to Sunday and switch “hipster” to Friday.

[Caroline talking]

Okay, so, on Friday I’m going to wear black jeans. I still haven’t decided which ones to wear yet because like, one has tears all down the thighs but they’re so tight on me lately. I mean, if I drink or eat anything there, I’ll explode. The others are like three months old, and it’s like, helloooooo, everyone’s already seen them a million times. Then I’m wearing a white cotton tank that says, “1-800-HOTLINE-BLING” on it. I’m praying Katie doesn’t wear the same one because she totally went and bought one after she saw mine. I’ve got some boots that I want to wear too, but it’s going to be hot AF so I may just wear my Converses and call it good.

[Caroline talking]

IDK. Why?

[Caroline talking]

Oh, okay. Well like, yeah. On Saturday I’m going to be like, EDM-ish. I bought some bleached cutoffs recently but I also have these overalls that I’ve been dying to wear but it’s like, when the eff am I going to be on a farm?

[Caroline talking]

Hahahaha, I know. Whatever. I’ve got this fluorescent-y bandeau top that I’m going to wear. Yeah, I may look a little slutty but while the cat’s away, am I right? Worse comes to worse, I’ll just throw on some leather shorts and a simple white tee. So classic.

[Caroline talking]

I knooooooooow. You’re going to look so fucking hot that I want to fucking kill you.

[Caroline talking]

Ugh, by Sunday, I’m going to be dead. I’ve got this hemp-y, natural-y, flowy sundress. But it’s like, do I wear a flower crown or my western fedora? I could just do a bandana hairband-y thingy but like, ew. What if I sweat? No, just no.

[Caroline talking]

I’m so into turquoise right now. I’m going to wear a million bracelets and rings this weekend. It’s not overkill if you look awesome. I also have these round sunnies that I’ll probably wear all weekend. They were only like $135 so if I break or lose them, it’s whatever.

[Caroline talking]

Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I’m getting flash tattoos. This isn’t my first rodeo. I know this sounds crazy, but I may even paint my face a little one day. I saw this thing on the Free People blog and it looked totally bohemian. And that’s just the aesthetic I want to go for right now, you know?

[Caroline talking]

Oh, I’m going to Instagram my outfits for sure. I didn’t buy a $275 ticket to this to not rack up a bunch of likes. Let’s start a Photostream so we don’t have to text photos of each other back and forth. There’s going to be like no service anyway so I’ll probs airplane mode the entire time.

[Caroline talking]

I know, I know, me too. I’m already like twenty minutes late for spin.

[Caroline talking]

Love you too, bitch. Mwah. .

Image via Shutterstock

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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