Things Girls Do After Graduation: Book Clubs

This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Things Girls Do After Graduation by visiting the archive. If you’re having trouble keeping up with the characters, take a look at the character map.

Book Club

The following is a real life conversation had with Todd regarding her book club.

* * *

“Hey, I can’t do dinner on Wednesday night. I have to work late and I’ll be pretty dead after all these meetings. I’ll probably pass out in the middle of the game.”

“That’s fine. I have Book Club anyway.”

“Hold on, what? You’re in a book club?”

“Yes, Todd. You’ve know that.”

“I most definitely did not know you were in a book club.”

“What do you think I do every second Wednesday of every single month?”


“Todd, how could you have not known this?”

“Okay, well, for starters, I’ve never seen you read anything but US Weekly or Instagram before.”

“First, rude. Second, how dare you. Third, are you kidding me right now?”

“Babe, how would I know you’re in a book club when you literally are never reading a book?”

“Um, have you ever considered I might have downloaded the book on my iPad?”

“You have an iPad?”

“You just don’t get it, Todd. It’s not just about reading books.”

“But it’s a book club. How could it not just be about reading books? Isn’t the basis of a ‘book club’ that you, you know, read books?”

“See, typical. It’s a chance for us all to get together.”

“You talk to your friends all the time.”

“I, like, literally never talk to any of my friends.”

“Who are you texting RIGHT now?”


“She’s your friend. You’re talking to her right now. You talk to your friends all the time.”

“Yeah, but I never see my friends, Todd.”

“Last week alone, you had a girl’s night on Friday, a Sip & Paint party on Wednesday, and you all went to spin class on Tuesday. I legitimately don’t know if I saw any of my friends on any weekdays last week. Actually, no, I know I didn’t. Oh! And you had a gender reveal party with someone I’ve never even heard of.”

“Why are you doing this, Todd? Are you trying to pick a fight? Are you trying to piss me off?”

“Babe, no, I’m just confused why you have a book club where you don’t read books in an effort to see your friends who you see all the time.”

“You. Just. Don’t. Get. It.”

“What don’t I get?”


“What is ‘it’, babe?”

“Never mind.”

Five minutes of silence ensues while both parties take to their phones. Todd, smiling slyly, looks up at her before asking a question with a sarcastic tone.

“So, uh, what book did you read this month?”


“It’s just a question! I’m interested!”

“No, you aren’t, Todd! You’re patronizing me!”

“I’m not patronizing you! I’m just curious, jeez.”

Sixty seconds of silence again graces the room.

“…you didn’t read a book for book club, did you?”


“It’s fine, it’s fine. I get it, you’re doing this because it’s a good way to socialize with your friends. But just tell me, did you read a book this month?”

“Honestly, I don’t know why you care anyway, but yes, I did.”

“What was it called?”

“None of your business.”

“You’re really not going to tell me the name of the book you read for your book club? Really?”

“It shouldn’t matter what the name of it is, Todd.”

“Okay, I’m going to ask you one last time: Did you read a book this month?”


“I knew it.”

“Fuck you, Todd. You’re being an asshole right now.”

Todd, laughing to himself.

“I just think it’s ridiculous that you have a book club where none of you read books. That’s like me having a hunting club where I don’t hunt.”

“Are you fucking done yet, Todd?”

Image via Shutterstock

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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