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“We just never do anything like, just us girls anymore,” she said into her phone while trying to open the door to her apartment with arms full of Whole Foods reusable bags. Katie, on the other end, couldn’t have agreed more and noted that Finn was out of town on business that weekend.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Katie asked before they both screamed in unison into the phone.
“Girls night!”
She made an 8 p.m. reservation at Ahi, a fusion-style sushi restaurant on the north side after spending countless hours in a group text attempting to decide on a time and place with Katie, Caroline, Victoria, and Megan. With each of the girls arriving at Ahi at 8:15 with no understanding why the hostess was annoyed with their tardiness, they all sat down and began discussing how rude she was when they each got out of their Ubers and entered the restaurant.
“What a bitch,” Victoria remarked.
“Right?” they all agreed before Megan commented, “Somebody needs to get laid tonight” and they all laughed.
Holding back tears, Katie said, “Oh my God, Megan, you’re so bad.”
When the waiter approached their table, he smiled and politely asked, “Girls night?” as he filled up their glasses with water. He began listing the night’s special rolls before Megan interrupted, “You know, we’ll just start off with some edamame and two bottles of your Dreamy Clouds nigori sake.
“Right away, ladies,” he commented before turning away from the table and heading towards the bar. Just as he turned his back on the table, the single Megan put her hand on her chest and opened her mouth in awe.
“Um, can you say ‘dreamy’?” she said loudly enough for him to hear. “I could never take a waiter home to my dad, but mama like!”
Each of the girls acknowledged the chemistry before taking out their phones and setting them face down on the table. One by one, they began picking up their phones to check Instagram and text their significant others in hopes that the other girls wouldn’t notice. Megan, being the only single one at the table, was on patrol to call out any girl who even appeared to be in contact with their boyfriend or fiance at the time.
When the waiter came back to the table with the two bottles of sake, Caroline perked up and asked his name.
“Dylan,” he responded with a smile.
“Well, Dylan,” Caroline responded, “You should meet my friend, Megan.” Shrieking with laughter, they all turned to Megan who was completely flush in the face. She looked directly at Caroline shout-whispered, “Oh-em-gee, Caroline! Stop it!”
“Nice to meet you, Megan,” Dylan said, looking directly at her. “I’ll go put in the order of edamame for you ladies and be right back.”
Mad, but not really mad, Megan turned to Caroline and told her, “I, like, hate you,” before laughing and checking her phone.
The five girls each began filling up their glasses with sake. Being the resident ‘foodie’ of the group, she explained that she and Todd obeyed the rule that one is never to pour their own sake into their glass, and only pour for other people. One by one, they obeyed the practice and her confidence soared. When all of their glasses were full, Caroline clinked her water glass and began to propose a pseudo-toast.
“Ladies, I just wanted to say that in our own busy worlds, it’s just so amazing we can all somehow find the time to get together.” She cleared her throat. “You all mean the world to me and I just wanted to say one thing before we get this ladies night officially going – I’d like each and every one of you to be in my wedding this fall.”
Despite the sheer amount of excited shrieking that overwhelmed the entire restaurant and caused each table to turn, each girl at the table (besides the married Katie) could not help but feel sinking feeling that, once again, they were the bridesmaid and not the bride.
One by one, they all thanked Caroline and accepted their position as bridesmaid in the wedding (with each one wondering who was going to be the maid of honor). Hearing their celebration from afar, Waiter Dylan approached their table sans-edamame but with a bottle of their least expensive prosecco in his hands.
“Sounds like a cause for celebration over here, ladies,” he said while attempting to pop the cork without shooting it into the ceiling. After allowing Caroline to taste it, he finished the bottle by pouring it into each of their flutes only to be told by Caroline, “We’re going to need something a little bit nicer than that to chase this down, honey.”
Again, they all laughed as he exited the table while rolling his eyes at the bartender across the room.
While slugging their champagne and sake down simultaneously, they began discussing the wedding at length. Caroline had obviously done her due diligence before asking the girls to stand up for her, and expressed that there would be around 250 people attending their fall wedding at the country club where her father was a member.
Drunkenly giggling, Victoria looked at Caroline and said, “Are you inviting Alex and Trip? Lord knows we don’t need Todd freaking out about Trip texting a certain someone like he did a couple weeks ago.”
And as the table fell silent, Waiter Dylan approached and broke the awkwardness.
“Do you ladies know what you’d like as an entree?” .
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
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They all seem like the type of girl you brag to your boys about sleeping with once but if you’re dating them your friends make it known they suck.
Team Dylan
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Sup
I can’t stand whenever any of them refer to themselves as “mama”. Also, Dylan deserves a huge tip for putting up with them.
I think Megan is going to be the one getting the tip from Dylan
Just to see how it feels, of course.
15% tippers, max
Look at DeFries, weaving these interconnected stories like a modern-day Hemingway.
Dylan will probably only get a 10% tip for dealing with all their shenanigans, too. Sorry, Dylan.
Ooooh, Trip, you a dawg!
I hope Todd is still following that girl from the Derby on Instagram.
#TeamClaire
She seemed like a real catch and fun. BRING HER BACK! Also when Girl and Todd breakup I hope we get a spinoff of Todd and Girl goes away forever. These are just some simple dreams of mine.
#MakeToddGreatAgain
I dunno. First night she met him, she was taking his phone away and KEEPING it overnight, because she didn’t like him on it. I think he’d just have another Girl on his hands in the end.
If I were Todd, i’d let Trip have her.
Or anyone else on the planet. The homeless guy pissing in an alley? All yours buddy, good fucking luck.
And everything starts to make sense. I would say not to disappoint us on the next one, and have her text Trip anyways, but we know that next week will actually bring something like TGDAG: Puppy Xanax for Sperry
Goddamnit, Will. Why won’t you just tell us what Trip texted her?? You’re being a real McDouche.