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“Babe, when are we meeting with the wedding planner again?” Todd asked from the kitchen. He was attempting to make a cup of coffee using the new French Press that had been Amazon Prime Now’d to their apartment the afternoon before. Watching a YouTube video, he became increasingly frustrated with the number of steps it took in order to make one eight-ounce cup.
Paging through Brides Magazine, she looked up and simply said, “Three o’clock.”
Todd wasn’t nervous for the meeting, but more anxious about the amount of work that was going to ensue after. He knew his input was never going to be taken seriously, but that didn’t stop him from knowing that the next year of his life was going to be taken over. Theorizing that she had already picked a date, he went back to his French Press YouTube instructional video.
“Can you make me a cup as well?” she asked. “I’m draggggginggggggg today.”
Worrying that the water was going to boil over, he gazed into the pot and thought to himself, “Well, I think there’s enough for two.” He truly wasn’t sure.
“Do you need help?” she further asked. “It sounds like you’re having some trouble in there.”
Unwilling to budge, Todd refused to accept help when the task at hand was simply making two cups of fucking coffee. Already beaten down by the fact that she threw out their Keurig “because of the strain it puts on the environment,” he knew that he needed to master this craft if he was going to make coffee for himself before work every day.
Knowing he didn’t actually want help, she walked toward the kitchen and took a seat at the island — partially to watch him struggle, partially to bring up something she knew they needed to iron out prior to meeting with the wedding planner her mom had set them up with.
“Todd…” she lingered, “Have you put, like, any thought into the wedding?”
With his back to her, he stood motionless. Had she been able to see how slowly his eyes shut upon hearing the question, an argument would have most definitely ensued. After a deep sigh to harness his tone, he simply replied, “Yeah, babe, of course.”
Deep down, Todd knew that there was an end to this conversation in her sights. She wasn’t simply trying to brainstorm, but she wanted to draw some information out of him.
“So…” she continued, “Like, where do you want to get married?”
This was something Todd had thought about, but not in-depth about. When she had previously mentioned Aspen or Banff at their date with Claire and Tom, he actually loved the idea. Albeit, money signs flashed before his eyes, but he still thought that it was better than a destination in a tropical location.
Without a response from him, she brought up the exact date that came to mind when she asked the question. “I mean, you didn’t really react much when we discussed a destination wedding last week, but would… would that be something you’d want to do?”
This wasn’t as much of a question to him as much as a request. As far as he was concerned, she might as well have said, “This is something you want to do.”
“Well,” he hesitated, “Of course.” He paused again before turning around. “As long as we’re getting married, it doesn’t really matter to me.”
Her brow furrowed a bit. “What do you mean it doesn’t *matter* to you?”
“Okay,” he said with a tinge of exasperation, “I mean, it matters, but what I’m saying is that I’d marry you at the courthouse today at 3 o’clock if it means we’ll be married.”
Crisis averted, he thought to himself.
“Well, did you put any thought into whether you want to do it locally or somewhere else?” she asked.
Todd pretended to stew over the question while pressing down the French Press before pouring the coffees in a set of monogrammed mugs. He wanted to celebrate that he actually figured it out on his first try, but he knew that changing the subject would hold some consequences. Reaching over the counter to hand her the mug he’d poured for her, he stated, “Well, we could do it at my dad’s country club but I feel like all we do is go to weddings there.”
“We could also do it at my dad’s country club too,” she interrupted. “But, like, it literally doesn’t get more basic than that.”
Todd decided to ask a question that had been looming hard in his head since the engagement — “I mean, would your parents be okay with funding a destination wedding? It’s, uh, not exactly in either of our budgets.”
Airing out that question was something that Todd had worried about on and off. They hadn’t directly discussed how the wedding was being paid for, and a local country club wedding was most definitely more in Todd’s budget than a destination wedding. But, as tradition goes, he knew that her family would insist on paying for their only daughter’s wedding out of their own pockets. His parents, on the other hand, would be covering the costs of the rehearsal dinner.
She assured him, “Babe, my parents are paying for it, that’s not negotiable. I just need to know if you’re okay with all the work it will take to plan a wedding somewhere that’s not here — we’re going to have to travel to help plan more than once, and I know you only have so much vacation time.”
Todd pretended to ponder what she had just said despite the fact that he pretty much knew a destination wedding was a done deal at this point.
“Babe,” he responded with as nice of a tone as he could muster, “I’ll make it work.”
“Sooooooooooooooooo,” she drew out, “Aspen?”
Todd took a sip of his coffee while looking at her. “Aspen,” he responded.
“Okay!” she blurted out. “I’ve already been working on a Pinterest board that I’ll share with you!”
“Fuck,” he muttered while she rushed over to her laptop.
As she opened it and queued up the board she had been working on since June of the year before, he could see the motor in her brain working at high speed. It wasn’t until she turned her head and asked the next question that he was actually caught off-guard.
“So, like, where are you going to do your bachelor party then?” .
Aspen? I don’t know, Lloyd, the French are assholes.
LOVE California.
That John Denver is full of shit, man.
If all PGP account holders got a fake Save the Date for Girl and Todd’s wedding in our email I would not be mad about it.
Would we finally find out what Girl’s real name is?
Will said it in the last post before he took a break…it’s Nicole.
I went back and looked. You Sir, have lied.
Her name is “The Protagonist” and I will not hear any arguments against this.
If 10th grade literature taught me anything, she definitely deserves the name “The Antagonist”
Hey my wife wanted a destination wedding too. Now we have no friends and a wedding license from a bottom feeder state
Nothing quite like a wedding in Topeka though. Gorgeous.
The 40 mph winds make for some great wedding pictures
Country club dick measuring contest! Who’s dad has the bigger country club?
Also, one day when he’s 60, Todd is going to wake up and realize that he wasted his life.
The true dick measuring is which dad has the smaller country club right? Can’t just let anybody in.
I don’t think so. He gets this first marriage out of his system in a decade or so tops. Then spends some time as a born again bachelor, spreading his wild oats and living his best life. Then eventually settles down with #2 who is 15-20 years his junior. Todd will turn out okay in the end.
hopefully first marriage to Girl doesn’t produce children because
1) I’d hate for kids to have to deal with a divorce.
2) There are decent odds that any children raised by Girl will be insufferable.
I’d imagine a Nanny would be doing most of the raising
I think it’ll end in a sort of “Bad Grandpa” fashion – is that the correct movie name? De Niro and Efron? The guy is engaged to some uptight WASP and right before the wedding is forced to spend some time with his grandfather, and on this journey of self discovery and reflection meets some free-spirited, down to earth chick, who makes him realize Girl is not the right one for him… I suppose Claire will suffice but the point is, he doesn’t even have to end up with her… I think he leaves Girl before the wedding or at the altar.
whatever way he leaves Girl, I hope it is in the most painful, publicly embarrassing, inopportune, devastating way possible. Girl has earned that.
Todd definitely doesn’t deserve this scenario.
Do you know me?
I think he has that realization now
Nah man. If he realized that now, he’d be running away faster than Usain Bolt.
I have no sympathy for him now. He made this bed, he gets to lie in it.
I dunno man, Girl seems to be the type that kicks him to the couch.
I see what you did there.
Only takes most of us til 50 to realize that.
Hey Will, The Derby is in 2.5 weeks. Let’s just draft out a bachelor party story line for Todd that is 3 chapters deep and bring Claire out of the woodworks. Claire will also be fresh out of her relationship and lookin for that rebound. Thx. -Jeff
Life…. finds a way.
It certainly does Taco. Just like how Todd will find a way to get that extracurricular succ.
I’m still waiting for a cross over story with another series, maybe he eventually runs into Eric’s college friend who seemed to break up with her boyfriend in the last Getting Back in the Game? We know Eric isn’t getting any of that.
Todd should quit job and focus on writing new book – The Art of Caving to Girl. ZERO backbone, people. Girl seems even more Slippery than slime ball James Comey (a proven LEAKER & LIAR and a man who always ends up badly out of whack (he is not smart!), will go down as the WORST FBI Director in history, by far. It was my great honor to fire James Comey!) Now Girl gets Todd to agree to gauche destination wedding in Aspen but worries if Todd has the effort & energy (he doesn’t) to devote to wedding planning. This wedding could go down as one of the worst “botch jobs” in history – how embarrassing for Girl if the event turns out to be a BIG Fail. And Girl thinks she can get away with it because she has decided that “her parents are paying for it” and is costing her family thousands of dollars. She thinks she can use her father like Amazon thinks they can use me! Costing the US Post Office massive amounts of money for being their Delivery Boy. Amazon should pay these costs (plus) and not have them bourne by the American Taxpayer. Many billions of dollars. P.O. leaders don’t have a clue (or do they?)!
This is great
Definitely envisioned him writing that while hanging out with Stormy.
Monogrammed mugs eh? T for Todd and…G for Girl?
I can’t wait for all of the behind her back smack talk that is going to go down amongst her friend group for making them pony up for a destination wedding.
There should be a companion piece to this series called “Group Text Without Girl” that shows all of the anger and frustration of her friends after each one of her BS decisions.
Totally trying to pull a joint bach party
Came here to say just that.
Girl plays chess while Todd plays checkers, no way around it at this point
Todd plays fackin Sudoku mentally but only has the balls to pull checkers maneuvers.