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Ben “Creepy Ben” Fletcher
Company: McNally’s Pub & Grille
Relationship: Your favorite bartender
Job: Bartender
Position: Right field
Relationship status: Serial dater
Age: 31
Height: 6 foot 1
Weight: 200 pounds
Pros:
• He’s a softball veteran on his last go-round. He wants to go out on a high note and make some new buds in the process.
• He is a complete degenerate–but in a good way.
• Played baseball for two years at Clemson before dropping out and taking over his dad’s bar.
• He’s always willing to host postgame parties at the bar.
Cons:
• Old as fuck.
• Known as “Creepy Ben” by all of your girl friends.
• He’s 31 years old and still a bartender. You do the math.
• You crunched the numbers and figured out that he’d be eskimo brothers with at least half of the team.
Projected: Conditional pick
Outlook: Put your team together and get their opinion on Creepy Ben. Take a majority vote and see what they think. Yeah, he’s a good player, but he might be a problem in the clubhouse after the team figures out that he’s slept with almost everyone’s girlfriend at some point.
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
@BrianMcGannon
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brianmcgannon
Amazing read as always, McGannon. I don’t know anything about the lady weights, but let me just say it sounds like you’re going to have the most fit team in your beer league. Your catcher is out of shape, but only weighs 240 pounds?
As one of the more outta shape guys on my baseball team this summer, one guy is only 6’1″ and pushing 270. Does this make him obese? ….Asking for a friend.
Murph can play on my team anytime.
You know how those Pfizer reps get down.
Besides, you know the friend that sucks will always be hot.
Dibs on the guy in the Cubs hat and jorts
Man, 31 is considered old as fuck, now? Damn.
I love you. I mean that.
The mock drafts are probably the funniest articles on here or TFM, more of these please.
Masterful work, McGannon. Well played sir.
I’m sorry, there’s no way a girl is playing shortstop for my team. Even if she did play in college, it’s just not right.
Grow up, Peter Pan. Talent Talks, Bullshit Walks. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. (I have run out of cliches, but you’re an asshole and I don’t like you.)
Noted. Appreciate the life advice.