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Terry “Knee Brace Terry” Clarkson
Company: Citibank
Relationship: Family friend
Job: Mortgage Underwriter
Position: Second base
Relationship status: Engaged
Age: 27
Height: 6 foot 1
Weight: 200 pounds
Pros:
• He was a once great high school athlete who just moved to town. Your mom’s friend Kathy put the two of you in touch.
• He wants to make new friends.
• Already has a nickname.
• You think he could be a ringer. No one knows him and he doesn’t know anybody.
• Your mom’s friend Kathy says he’s nice and funny.
Cons:
• On the other hand, no one knows him so he could be a weirdo. Total wild card.
• He blew out his knee two years ago. It hasn’t been the same since.
• Rumor is that he’s a recovering alcoholic. That’s not fun for anybody. Potential season ruiner.
• He hangs out with his fiancée a lot, so she’ll probably come to every game and have to sit by herself. Depressing.
• If he’s not on your team, your mom is going to get mad at you.
Projected: Fifth pick
Outlook: “Knee Brace Terry” is, like I said, a wild card. No one knows anything about him except your mom, who just told you that he played “sports” in high school, he’s the son of her insurance agent, and he just moved into town. Might be worth the risk.
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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Amazing read as always, McGannon. I don’t know anything about the lady weights, but let me just say it sounds like you’re going to have the most fit team in your beer league. Your catcher is out of shape, but only weighs 240 pounds?
As one of the more outta shape guys on my baseball team this summer, one guy is only 6’1″ and pushing 270. Does this make him obese? ….Asking for a friend.
Murph can play on my team anytime.
You know how those Pfizer reps get down.
Besides, you know the friend that sucks will always be hot.
Dibs on the guy in the Cubs hat and jorts
Man, 31 is considered old as fuck, now? Damn.
I love you. I mean that.
The mock drafts are probably the funniest articles on here or TFM, more of these please.
Masterful work, McGannon. Well played sir.
I’m sorry, there’s no way a girl is playing shortstop for my team. Even if she did play in college, it’s just not right.
Grow up, Peter Pan. Talent Talks, Bullshit Walks. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. (I have run out of cliches, but you’re an asshole and I don’t like you.)
Noted. Appreciate the life advice.