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It’s finally starting to be consistently hot outside and for me that means one thing: gratuitous sweating. I can’t walk ten feet outdoors in 70+ degree weather without breaking a sweat and “pitting out,” as the kids like to say.
It’s unfortunate, but there really isn’t much I can do about it outside of consulting a physician and getting a prescription deodorant for stuff that quite literally closes the pores underneath your armpits. Sidenote: I’ve gone the prescription route before, and I can tell you that the burning sensation you feel under your armpits after application is not worth it.
In any case, it’s essential that you have a drink in front of you that can combat the assault that is summer weather. If you’re looking for a beer, you need not look any further than an ice cold Michelob Ultra. That had to have been obvious if you read this website and I don’t want to be around you if you’re drinking any other beer.
Sometimes a beer isn’t going to do the trick, though. There are simply days when a frosty sudchowski isn’t appealing to the palate. You need something with a little more kick and that’s where the mixed drink comes in. Liquor, my friends, is the elixir of life, and if you need a go-to mixy for the season I’d highly suggest considering the vodka-water.
In the past, I’ve said that a Tom Collins is the way to go if you really want to do summer the correct way. That was then and this is now. I’m no longer a spry 24-year-old man. I’m on the cusp of turning 26 and my body simply can’t handle a sugary concoction like the Tom Collins anymore.
It’s just too busy of drink for a man of my stature. That simple syrup that I used to love now gives me a hangover that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The time it takes to make a T.C. or something similar to it is right around five minutes. I don’t got that kind of time.
I need something that will hydrate as well as intoxicate, and the vodka-water is the answer to all of my prayers. The thing that I love about the vodka-water is that it doesn’t matter where you order it.
You can go to a dive and get a V-W without getting judgmental looks from a townie down the bar. You can hit up an open bar at a wedding reception and be the bartender’s favorite patron because of how easy it is to make. The V-W is sort of like McDonald’s in that you can get the same taste, same flavor anywhere you go in the world. It’s quick, it’s simple, it gets the job done.
This drink is impossible to fuck up, gets you drunk quickly, and doesn’t require any special ingredients. Yes, drinks like the Tom Collins, margarita, and pina colada are all fantastic. But those drinks require time and effort that not all of us have.
On a special occasion, I say go for it. But when the bar is crowded and you’ve got to make a snap decision that won’t leave you waiting for 15 minutes? The vodka-water garnished with a lemon wedge is there for you. Toss the lemon in and you’re good to go. No mixing required here.
You’ll probably still have a hangover in the morning because any amount of alcohol will usually do that, but at least you won’t feel bloated and gross like the schmuck who was sucking down gin and tonics all night with reckless abandon.
That water in your vodka is going to save you the next day. Let’s get back to our roots as a drinking culture. Enough with all of these complicated cocktails filled with crazy liqueurs and garnishes that we can’t pronounce correctly.
You’re going to simultaneously be the drunkest and most hydrated person at any bar you go to when you choose the V-W. The only phrase you need to remember for the rest of this summer?
“Excuse me, barkeep? Make it a vodka-water, please. And a lemon wedge if you’ve got it.”
Image via Unsplash
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jduda@grandex.co
“Vodka-Water Weekend in Review that isn’t (Yet) Sponsored by Tito’s”
You never see vodka this hydrating.
Shooters shoot, and shooters drink fucking Vodka Water baby!
Clear liquor is for rich women on diets
As Ron Swanson put it “Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”
Good take here,
VW is a good summer/diet drink.
Terrible take. If I’m drinking alcohol, I want alcohol, not some pansy, watered down, whatever the fuck. I get adding a little water to a liquor (like with scotch) but basically going 50/50 with water/vodka sounds terrible.
I disagree, Jesus. If you’re looking for taste, like with Scotch, I get it, but vodka inherently is meant to have no substantial taste. I’ll drink vodka just to enjoy the pure ethanol goodness on occasion, but if you’re trying to alter your mind-state while staying refreshed, vodka-water ain’t bad.
That said, I myself usually stick to gin which actually has some flavor of its own goes great chilled straight, wafted with a bit of vermouth, or my go-to, limed the fuck up in a G&T.
Just sounds like a waste of alcohol.
You really are making a push for most negative/insufferable member of PGP aren’t ya?
Looks like I’m blacking out all summer
I approve
It should be a smooth transition from my spring blackouts
Why not vodka soda? The carbonation makes it going down smoother. Personally I enjoy replacing the standard lime with a couple lemon wedges.
Vodka soda for the absolute win. I feel the bubbles and clear alcohol help with my aspiring rich trophy wife aesthetic. Vodka water for a hole in the wall/small town place, my aesthetic doesn’t go over so well there.
Couldn’t have said it better myself as a aspiring trophy husband and stay at home dad.
Definitely takes the edge off inbetween feeding the rugrat. Beers good. But A couple Vodka sodas really hit the spot
Add some salt to the rim, an extra lemon wedge, and you’ve got yourself a chilton. Best summer drink in my opinion.
Great fucking picture. Well done.
Took me a moment, then I giggled like a middle schooler.
I don’t think you need to retract your Tom Collins take. It has long been an established fact that a Tom Collins is the Best and Most Suitable Summer Cocktail (thanks in no small part to your previous article), but getting totally buckled on them is foolish. Doesn’t mean you should abandon them completely.
It’s also pretty easy to cut the sugar out of a Tom Collins and have it still taste very refreshing.
Whiskey. Neat.
Whiskey neat is is for the dark brooding bar with dim lights and wood paneling in the fall and winter. For summers on the patio, mix that whiskey with lemonade and a splash of sweet and sour for a Lynchburg lemonade. Or if you’re trying to cut calories, water and a squeeze of lemon.
Username checks out.
Also 100% not wasting calories or sodas or mixers
Weird summer drink but I respect it
Just wait until you’re headed to the beach and you get that real dehydrated cut from the night before.
I’ve been on the vodka water train for a while and it’s a good train to be on, I like a lime wedge with the lemon wedge too tho
if you really wanna switch it up and try different tastes while staying in the same range, sub your lemon/lime for any citrus fruit (orange, grapefruit, pineapple). It gives a nice flavor and a little variety.
Big fan of the vw with a splash of grapefruit juice
This is also a good look. Can confirm.
I usually go for a vodka-seltzer myself. All the benefits of a vodka-water, but with carbonation to make it seem less plain.
I second this. Vodka water just seems too plain to me, but vodka-seltzer is where it’s at.