Sometimes You Have To Start Over

Sometimes You Have To Start Over

Last month I wrote a column about how I got laid off that some of you may have read (If you haven’t, I understand, I’m probably not for everyone). I wrote about being happy for the opportunity to have some temporary freedom while looking for jobs. I was optimistic about what lied ahead of me and what I would do with my newfound freedom. Well, it’s a month later and not much good has happened. Instead, my personal life imploded and for the most part, it’s my fault. This last month has been fuckin roller coaster and some recent events have made me realize that it’s time to make some changes.

When I first started writing on this site I wrote under the name “The Man Child”, and I did this for two reasons. 1) Because I was worried that I would get in trouble with my company at the time (turns out they didn’t give a shit); and 2) Because I was, in fact, an adult baby that refused to grow up. I was living the life that most young people living in big cities are familiar with: working in a fast paced industry with 4 nights of happy hours and fancy dinners. Rolling into work on a Wednesday with a crippling hangover being the standard. Getting into clubs, that I honestly hated, just because we had a connection being the norm. As someone who has had a somewhat larger than average ego his whole life, it was fairly easy to let everything go to my head and get carried away.

I know that last paragraph is the epitome of champagne problems, so I want to make it clear that I know how lucky I am to have been afforded the opportunities that have been bestowed upon me. I have loved the time I have spent in New York for the last 8 years of my life. I made some great friends and had some unforgettable times. I built a life and transitioned into adulthood here. But I also built a tendency to act like a real asshole at times. And while the fact that I lost my job has nothing to do with that, other things have gone down in my life recently that could have been avoided if I hadn’t been such a shit head. I certainly can’t blame my surroundings or any particular person for it, I just know that somewhere along the line I lost my way and that it’s time to reset so that I can move on with my life in a better direction.

So as of right now, I’m packing up my bags and heading back home to Chicago. This was a move that I was considering for a while but couldn’t pull the trigger because I had a lot keeping me in New York. Well now, there’s very little keeping me there so I felt it was finally time. This isn’t exactly how I saw myself making my triumphant return back to my home city. For starters, I’m moving back in with my parents until I find a job to get back on my feet, which is the last thing I wanted to be doing at the age of 26. My parents are awesome, but I’ve been on my own schedule and doing my own thing since I was 18 so it’s going to come with some hiccups along the way. For example, I found out my dad doesn’t like when I drink all of his Corona Light, who’da thought? We got past that one after I made a quick trip to the liquor store.

I’m well aware that my situation isn’t ideal and that I’ll have some road bumps ahead. No one wants to think that the life they built has basically imploded and that the only answer is to find a new beginning. But even though some things for me haven’t worked out the way I had planned, I remain an optimist and plan to work on making steps in the right direction so that I don’t repeat past mistakes. Do I think I’ll fully move on from my Man Child persona that I once prided myself on? Probably not immediately, but that will come with time. I honestly don’t know what’s in store for me moving forward, but I know that I’ve learned from past mistakes as well as successes and I plan to build off both.

One more thing: Chi City let’s go.

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Kevin Caulfield

Chicago based stand up comedian. Writer. Idiot

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