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We meet again, Bachelor Nation.
A few weeks ago, I was browsing Facebook and came across an event titled “Ladies Night Concert Featuring The Bachelorette’s Luke Pell and James Taylor” and naturally, I was interested as fuck. I had no idea what in the hell this was going to be, but as a lifetime Bachelor Franchise viewer, I had to be there. Not only did I have to be there, I had to get into the “Meet and Greet” before the show. It was completely necessary. Why would I drive out to some shithole venue just to watch two has-been Bachelorette contestants strum on their guitars if I didn’t get to meet them? So I paid the $25 because I am human garbage and that was it. I was going to meet super serious and brooding anime lookin’ Luke and way too nice and tattle tale wannabe country music sensation, James Taylor.
To those who watch the show, you know that Luke has made zero mention of the fact that he is a “country music singer.” I had no idea he sang or played guitar before this, so like, good for him for not going on the show for fame. More of the guys should be like Luke (here’s looking at you, Robby).
So we arrive right at 8 and holy shit, was it crowded. There were girls EVERYWHERE. And not just any girls, HOT girls. The place was crawling with them. If I were a single dude, I would have paid the $30 just to be there with all of the chicks. It was insane.
We got our wristbands and proceeded to the meet and greet room where a bunch of chicks in cowboy boots were packed in like damn sardines. As we got closer, I got a better look at the guys, and I was pleasantly surprised. Luke is HOT. 10/10. Good for you, Jojo. James Taylor was exactly like you’d imagine, and he reminded me very much of a labradoodle puppy. He interacted with the girls in line, giving everyone hugs, blah blah blah. When it was our turn to take our picture, he commented on my jewelry and it was honestly very weird. He gave me an awkward hug and then I looked for Luke because like, I needed those biceps to wrap around me. My prince, Luke Pell.
Below is our super cute pic. There was a fan blowing in my face and I felt like Beyonce. Luke’s pecs, tho….
The best part of the entire night was after we took our photo, there were dudes standing by that handed us LONG STEMMED ROSES. If only Chris Harrison was there, my dreams would have come true. I laughed so hard as I ~accepted my rose~ and proceeded to walk out through the crowd that had since TRIPLED in size since we went to the meet and greet. Absolutely insane.
We go outside and sit at a picnic table to the right of the stage and wait for about an hour before James Taylor came onto the stage. Homie was dressed in board shorts and a tank top, and I respect that. But once he started to sing I lost faith in him, as it was not good.
The first 15 minutes or so was him singing a medley of other people’s songs. He opened up with Adele’s “Hello” and I couldn’t stop laughing. Then we heard “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” followed by “Wagon Wheel” (sigh). He started singing “Mean” by Taylor Swift but added something to the chorus that killed me.
“Why you gotta be so mean, CHAD” is what he actually sang. The crowd went wild, I rolled my eyes. #TeamChad
Next up was Bieber’s “Love Yourself,” but instead of singing the actual lyrics, he sang “You should go and CHAD yourself!” Why? Why would he do that? What does that even mean? They all claim to hate Chad so much, but he sang about him twice and even told a story about him. WHY YOU SO OBSESSED WITH CHAD, JT??
During his set there were some technical difficulties (shocker) and he had to lose the guitar for a bit. He sang completely A cappella for a few minutes. It was brutal.
He then sang the infamous “Jojo Song” which made me want to Van Gogh my ears. He claimed his one-on-one date was the “best day of his life” and that’s when he lost me and I got up to get a BBQ sandwich.
Next up was America’s Hero, Luke Pell. Lookin’ sexy as hell in his tight white t-shirt and skinny pants. No leather jacket, though, which was low-key disappointing. Dude’s got a body, for sure. And SHOCKER, he is a decent singer and performer. I was super into it. I hate myself. He had an actual BAND while “singer-songwriter” James Taylor just had himself and a guitar.
Luke opened with a cover – “Buy Me A Boat” – and James Taylor hung out in the background as his hype man attempting to sing along, but he just looked very dorky and I am pretty sure they had his mic turned off. He left the stage after one song and came down to our area and proceeded to take selfies with everyone.
My friend who came with me had zero shame and took a selfie with him, dog face and everything.
We started talking to the couple at our table and found out the guy was Luke’s old football coach. He went on and on about how great he is (obviously) and then pointed out Luke’s parents who were sitting right by us. They were adorable and I can’t wait to see them on hometowns because, obviously, Luke is in the final four.
Am I proud that I went to this? Absolutely not. Am I glad that I went? Absolutely yes. I just wish I wore my leather jacket. .
(If you care to see any videos of this shitshow add me on Snapchat ASAP at @kay_michele.)