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I missed the boat on Tinder, but I can still live vicariously through the young misfits I work with that keep me in the loop. I’m no expert, but I feel comfortable making the statement that there are a ton of verified lunatics out there in the dating app game. This gold via Reddit just proved my theory.
My buddy isn’t the smartest man. He picked a chick up and drove to a motel. They were walking into the room and she says, “oh shit, I forgot my purse in the car do you mind if I go grab it?” He says, “yeah that’s fine,” and tosses her the keys. 5 minutes later he walks outside wondering where she is and his car is gone.
Oh, man. You can’t even be mad at that because you’ve got to respect the hustle. Keep your guard up.
Got a Tinder notification on my phone…realized I don’t have Tinder and was holding my girlfriends phone.
That’s on her for flying fast and loose. Leaving the notifications on was just reckless. She probably wanted to get caught.
The only Tinder date I went on, the woman told me her goal was to get pregnant in the next few months. I noped right out of there.
She’s a straight shooter, and for that, she should be commended.
Showed up to the restaurant, waited about 30 minutes. Ordered myself some food and was about to leave when he texted me: “there’s a liquor store across the street from the restaurant, can you pick me up 2 six packs?”
I told him I wouldn’t. He says he’s decided to play frisbee with his dog instead. Deleted app, went to liquor store, picked up wine and went home.
He texted me for a month or so after to tell me he’s just bought tickets to see me dance (I’m a retired ballerina, haven’t been in anything for a few years). Then he texts me an hour after and tells me how great I was on stage. I never responded.
Dating is too confusing. I’m all done.
This dude actually sounds pretty awesome. “Grab us each a sixer. I’m tossing the friz with my rescue.” That’s how I imagine the conversation went. He has his priorities straight.
I started talking to this really sweet guy for about two weeks and things were going well. Then I started getting calls from this girl, who he claimed was his crazy roommate that was in love with him and kept trying to get him fired from jobs. Turns out, she wasn’t the one lying, she was actually his live-in girlfriend, and they had moved here together from a different state. Apparently he wasn’t actually a citizen, and was trying to obtain papers. Thanks, Tinder.
Did he technically lie about anything though? Sounds like he told the truth. What a cock block.
tinder date with a “famous” chef where I was taken to a dive bar, where he promptly starting talking about how famous he was. We drank and watched sports, he proceeded to tell me “You’re cute” and this eventually went to “I am going to make you bleed.” He then invited one of his friends to come along. I went outside and he came up to kiss me. I was drunk, so I kissed back. Eventually he proceeded to tell me how he was “being charged with battering his ex-girlfriend, but he totally didn’t do it.”
Eventually when it came time to pay the bill, “he lost his wallet.” Of course, I get stuck with it. “I’ll pay you back.”. (Needless to say I never got a payment).
Then he leaned up against me. I thought he was trying to kiss me again, but I looked down, and he was peeing on me. In the street. Peeing. On. Me.
I swiftly, being too inebriated to drive, went and got myself a hotel room and a hot shower.
Never again.
I’ve known some bedwetters, but I have to admit the standup leg wet is completely new to me. Probably should have rolled out after the criminal charges thing. You live and you learn.
Matched a guy and did the usual add on snapchat to make sure he’s real. We hit it off but every time I invite him over he has an excuse. Almost a month into this naughty snaps and no hangs I’m like ok bye, and he says he’ll come over the next day. We meet, drink, drink, drink. Hook up…he’s too drunk to stay hard. I kind of throw up going down on him. We’re both embarrassing. We try again the next day. Great success. Start hanging out every 2-3 days. We’re talking constantly when we aren’t together and starting to like each other. Every time we’re together we’re laughing and happy. He plays guitar and sings and I totally love it. We play jeopardy and shots and ladders. He’s not from my state and its known he has to go home in a couple weeks to see family, go on vacation, and then he’ll move back permanently. We’re in tears as weeks pass and its his last week. I give him a sappy card, he gives me a card and flowers and his tshirt and guitar pik. He sings me a song about me and my cat. He’s still texting me at the airport and when he’s home. We’re still sending “adult snapchats.” Daily. More or less the vibe was that he was going to be my boyfriend when he got back. 2 weeks gone and he’s on his vacation in Hawaii. Showing me the hotel and volcanos and selfies and dick pics. Keep talking about how we miss each other. Red flag-he’s ending his vacation early because his dad had a stroke Red flag-he’s been at the hospital and has bad phone service I get suspicious after this and Google his family. I find his brothers Instagram and the second picture is of his brother and my tinder boy in suits captioned “happy 2 weeks of marriage to this guy” He got married and went on his honey moon Golf clap
Golf clap indeed. At that point, are you even mad? Feel like you just tip your cap to the guy and go on about your business.
Went on a date with a girl who had already told her whole family about me, before we even met. And she wanted me to meet them in person on the first date.
Nope.
Pull the cord. Deploy the parachute. Jump out of the window with one of those human flying squirrel suits. Base jump. Just go.
Met a girl at her work at like, a moment’s notice (She was a waitress and there was literally nobody else in the entire place). We talked for a few hours, then another dude shows up… To meet her. From tinder.
She would later blog about the experience and describe me as “dull and unattractive”.
Did she write for us? Name names..
Read more on Reddit.
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Dave
Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.
@dcarterruff
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The last girl was -without question- Kendra.
These stories make me feel better about my own Tinder dates, and I think they also justify what has become my casual Tinder date blackouts.
I drive 45 minutes to meet up at a bar but when I get there the older bar tender ask if I’m Jeff. I say yes and then she tells me that she is Tinder’s mother and the other bar tender is the sister and they wanted to check me out first. Then the Tinder promptly shows up with a little more around the waist than I like(damn you pics from the neck up). At this point most would have bowed but I was on a dry streak and we walked over to another bar. This is were we preceded to get to smashed and my memory gets a little fuzzy. Afterwards we stumble back to where we met because apparently she lives with here mother and sister behind the bar. Well we start making out and then we jump in the back seat of my jeep where my seat is already laid down because I have to labs. I guess its dark and she doesn’t notice the tons of dog hair back there and we get it on. That’s when I find out she is a biiiiig time squirter. Once we are done I look like a waded up to my nipples in a pool with dog hair. She says later and goes in the house. Luckily I have extra clothes in the car for random situations like this but it was hell cleaning out the back seat later that day. Not the worst Tinder date but not the best.
‘Atta boy
Doesn’t matter had sex
I enjoyed this story.
“Shots and Ladders” sounds like a blast.
Kind of want to learn more about this girl who speed dates from her restaurant.
on reddit they gave out her site name, I think it was adventures of a tinderella… they absolutely roasted her in the comments sections
Best tinder story – ended up dating a girl for a bit that’s now a pro golfer. Ended up splitting because I had to move for work / school. She just signed a multimillion dollar deal with Nike. What am I doing with my life?
Worst – 40 year old cougar type. Kept talking about how she was the fun one of her siblings and how she had a few years left to have a kid and wanted one with someone soon. Noped the fuck out of there.
None of these people seem very intelligent.
I have the problem where we have great convos via text, but then once we meet in person the guy is awkward as fuck and nothing like his charming texting self.
Aziz Ansari explores this in his book, basically his conclusion is that you should only use Tinder (and others) as a way of meeting people, you shouldn’t even bother trying to get to know them before the date really. Your judgement in person is much more reliable.
He also says that if the first date is a 6/10 it is worth going out again because by round 2 it could easily be 8/10.
To be fair, you probably built up some Prince Charming expectations up over those same text messages. If a guy only puts in the minimum effort required for the first date he’s a lot better off. A girl going in thinking “I’m in it for a good time and dinner” is one you can possibly date while the same girl going in thinking “omg, I think he’s husband material” is one you end up just buying dinner (and possibly hooking up with) never to see again.
I never go into a tinder date expecting husband material. It’s just when someone can communicate well through text, you expect them to also be able to do that in person.
Not really. Even Stephen Hawking could woo the shit out of a person through text messages.
Okay texting aside, the point I was trying to make is majority of my Tinder dates end up being awkward as fuck. InvestmentAdvisor I agree with your words of advice.
I matched with a guy who I wasn’t to sure about, but eventually agreed to meet because I was bored and wanted a free dinner. He wasn’t too sure about me either and agreed to meet up because he was bored and wanted a shot at some casual Tinder sex. Fast forward almost two years: we now share an apartment, two fucking cute dogs, and we are nauseatingly happy together. Neither of us wanted this going into that date, so I think that counts as a Tinder horror story.
You should take your humble brag, roll it around in the back of Jeff’s Jeep filled with Tinder smash juices and dog hair, and then eat it.
Yep, that image just made me throw up a little bit.
Can you explain to us how you two are “nauseatingly” happy?
Too* god damnit I’m an English teacher. I know better, but I’m currently pounding mimosas at an airport bar so that’s my excuse.
Still don’t care.