Everyone knows hockey is a “look good, play good” sport. If your jersey isn’t somewhat tucked in and your tongues aren’t out, you might as well just call it a day and hit the lockers.
But above all, it’s really all about the lettuce you’ve got under the bucket that separates the contenders from the pretenders. Luckily for us, the hair showcase to end all hair showcases is upon us — The Minnesota State High School Championships — which means we’ll be getting the top ten best flows by way of the 2016 Minnesota State High School All Hockey Hair Team.
Last year, Rocky Copiskey (great hockey name) took down the sixth spot in the top ten. Sure, he showboated a little while fishing for the slow-mo as he skated up during his introduction, but don’t let that take away from his luxurious hair (skip ahead to 1:50 for Rocky).
Rocky did an interview with The Bemidji Pioneer ahead of this year’s championships, confronting both the tournament and his selection for the All Hockey Hair Team. But before you dive in, make sure to read his quotes with a thick Canadian accent for the full effect.
“I don’t think it’s really that big of a goal for me. It’s something that’s added along with the tournament,” Copiskey said. “It’s fun to see what the video shows for the hair talent there you know. It’s just a fun little add-on.”
Bro, you were sixth last year. If you’re saying this isn’t “that big of a goal” for yourself, you’re lying through your fucking teeth. Getting sixth and coming that close to tasting the sweet nectar of victory as the top dog is on par with lipping out an 8-iron for your first hole-in-one. It’s just going to make you come back for more.
But he continued.
Copiskey has added a moustache to the mix this season.
“The moustache was kind of just something that came from out of nowhere,” he said. “I think all the guys on the team liked it and I just grew my hair out this season again, you know, just because I like it.”
Okay, buddy. Yeah, I’m sure you just added the mustache because you liked it and not because a kid from 2013 had a beauty of a caterpillar on his upper lip when he cracked the top 10. You’re a calculating little son of a bitch and we can see right through you.
Copiskey may have some competition to be named to the upcoming Hair Team.
“We’ve got a few kids on the team that have some potential with their hair,” he said, naming Matt Fitzgerald and Hunter Olson as contenders.
I like what you’re doing here, Rocky — tossing out a couple flyers for your brothers in arms trying to get dubbed “The Holy Trinity” like the boys from Hermantown a few years back.
Another player, Willie Mayer from Mankato, discussed his locks with The Mankato Free Press.
Willie Meyer is more than aware of the All-Hockey Hair Team video that goes viral after the Minnesota state tournament, and he thinks he may have a shot to be included this year.
“Most of the other guys don’t think I can do it, but I think it’s greasy enough,” the Mankato West senior said. “I’ve got a little surprise.”
Meyer, whose long, brown locks flow out of his helmet and touch his shoulders, isn’t just hoping to make an impression during this morning’s player introductions at St. Paul’s Xcel Energy Center, however.
Unlike Rocky’s false modesty, you have to enjoy the fact that Willie is gunning for the top spot. And personally, I absolutely can’t wait to see what his surprise is.
In case you’re completely unfamiliar with the Minnesota State Tournament’s All Hockey Hair Team, I’d suggest you familiarize yourself in anticipation for this year’s top ten, which should come out shortly after the tournament wraps up.
Stay tuned for complete coverage of this year’s All Hockey Hair Team. .
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