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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Hey Dillon,
A few months back I was getting ready to go to the umpteenth wedding of the year, when the doorbell rang. A few detectives were at my door asking about the dentist of my ex. A little taken aback, I gave them the information I had, making no promises that it was still current. I asked why they were asking, and they informed me my ex, an otherwise healthy 32 year man had gone to sleep and never woken up. A little back story, we were together for about 5 years, I thought we would be married one day. We broke up 4 years ago and it was a fairly pleasant break up (if there can be one) and we still chatted on occasion.
After the initial shock settled, I called his mom and told her I was sorry for her loss, and I would like to come to the celebration of life if she was ok with it. Fast forward a few weeks to the celebration of life, and I walk in and EVERYONE there knows who I am. Coworkers and friends I have never met know who I am. On the board of pictures from my ex’s life, I am displayed in, or took; most of the photos from the last 9 years of this man’s life. I was mentioned in the speech, and the whole event was a very uncomfortable for me.
Fast forward a few more weeks and I receive a package in the mail from my ex’s pension company. I am still the sole beneficiary of his pension. Before Canadian taxes get a hold of this money, we’re talking $104k. I called his mom again and asked her what she wanted me to do. His mother has offered me the money, sent me a death certificate to claim it, and hasn’t spoken to me since. What do I do? Can I take this money? There’s no way in my right mind I can use this for my upcoming wedding, but can I keep this for my mortgage? Replace my dying car?
Confused.
Wow. This is a wild one.
First of all, it’s very unusual for someone to make their boyfriend or girlfriend their sole beneficiary. Obviously, you two were very close and he cared about you enough to make you his beneficiary over a family member. And the fanfare you received at the celebration of life only affirms that you were a significant part of his life. Still, though, that’s very different.
So he obviously wanted you to have his pension money were anything to happen to him. It’s been four years since you were in a relationship, however, SO the question is this: Did he forget to update his beneficiary or did he leave it because there was no one, in his mind, more deserving than you?
You did the right thing. You contacted his mother. And she said you can have it. I do think it’s probably in poor taste to use it on your upcoming wedding, seeing as how the money is from your deceased ex, but, in my opinion, that’s your money. I understand there’s a pretty hefty guilt factor here, so maybe offer his mother — or his siblings, if he has them — a portion of it?
At the end of the day, though, he wanted you to have that money at a point in his life, and that never changed according to the only document that matters. Don’t spend it on lavish vacations or a mink coat. That’s flexing, and people will notice.
Hey Dillon,
Love the advice lately, as usual. This is a tough one, so bear with me.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and are very serious. We’ve talked marriage and kids, and I’m betting he’ll propose within the next year. All is well, except for a small (read: becoming increasingly large) incident a little over a month ago (Oct. 29, to be exact).
We had a bad fight involving alcohol – go figure – and I made what was probably the worst decision of my life — to go to my male co-worker’s apartment and continue drinking/stay the night. We had sex a couple of times, none of which I remember (I had to call him today to find these details out for reasons I will explain shortly). He used a condom, according to him.
Fast forward to this morning when I take a pregnancy test because I’m late. Positive. Took two more this afternoon, hoping it was a fluke. Nope, definitely pregnant. Now, my boyfriend knows that me and this guy probably hooked up that night, but the point here is that I don’t know if I can see myself going through w/ the pregnancy if there’s any chance it’s not my boyfriend’s. I’m hoping they can clarify exactly how far along I am at the OBGYN, but I guess what I’m asking is: a) Thoughts & advice on my Jerry Springer-esk situation and b) Do you or does anyone have experience with how accurate the doctor can be with conception times?
Definitely not trying to get political at all here, but I am really hoping I’ll be able to pin-point if it was conceived in that time frame or before/after. I can’t imagine going nine months constantly questioning who the father is (seriously can’t believe my life RN).
Sorry for the length– I’m spazzing out a little and never had the Sunday Scaries like this in my life (and I didn’t even drink last night).
Any thoughts & advice are appreciated. Thanks!
Yikes. We have some heavy questions this week.
This is a shitty situation and I feel very bad for you even though you fucked up pretty badly. I have questions. First of all, I want to know how your BF knows you two “probably hooked up” that night. He hasn’t asked you?! Were you wanting to get pregnant with your boyfriend, or would this have been an accident either way? Anyway, that’s not why you’re emailing me.
Yes, you have to find out immediately if the baby is your boyfriend’s or the coworker’s. That will bring your anxiety down. Your OBGYN will be able to tell you exactly how far along you are in your pregnancy based on measurements. On visit number one, you’ll get your conception and due dates.
Here’s to hoping you didn’t have sex with your boyfriend within a few days of October 29. That could screw your plan up. If the news you receive isn’t what you’re hoping for, or if the stress generally becomes too much for you, there are many resources available for you to seek advice and counsel. Good luck to you.
P.S. Telling him you cheated is a good idea, too.
Hey Dillon,
First off, love the columns you write. Great work!
So my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me recently out of nowhere. Didn’t see it coming at all. She said she was unhappy and needs to be alone to figure out what she wants in life. Now I was planning on marrying this girl so obviously I am devastated. That being said, all I want is for her to be happy, even if that means she’s not with me. I am basically looking for some suggestions/recommendations from you or fellow PGPers on what the best ways are to get through this because it really sucks. I have basically just been burying myself in work and trying to stay busy with my career. I understand this is going to take some time to get through but whatever suggestions you may have would be greatly appreciated!
Best,
Loyal PGPer
Time is the only tried and true antidote for getting over a breakup. The good news time is pretty much undefeated. The bad news is obviously that it takes, well, time. I know that’s not what you want to hear because we all wish there was a quick fix for this, but I don’t think there is, unfortunately.
Be patient and keep distracting your brain with your career and fun outings with friends and trips and family get-togethers and shit like that. And while I don’t fully buy into the “get over someone by getting under someone else” method of getting over a heartbreak, the company of someone else can absolutely be a nice distraction.
Dillon –
Simply put, how do you attract women when everyone else in your friend group is awkward and antisocial? To elaborate – I love going out. Even if I don’t score, it’s still a good time. But almost all of my friends aren’t on the same page – they are indoorsy, like playing video games, and aren’t the outgoing, social, try and hit on women type. They’re great people – smart, nice, but just don’t really know how to behave at bars, and as a result they act all introverted and closed-off. So a lot of women seem to judge me based on my friends when I approach them, and think I’m an introverted loser when really I’m just trying to enjoy myself and meet people. Any advice my man?
Anything helps.
You need to create a secondary group of friends, player. Keep your day 1s around to nerd tf out with, then have a second group, the cool group, who you hit the town with and hit on girls with and play golf with. Diversify your shit.
You probably have a likeminded friend or two in your second or third tier of friendships that could be promoted. Promote, recruit, and cultivate a cool group and get out there.
Hey Dillon,
I’m sure you’re familiar with the common thing in fantasy football where the person that finishes in last place receives some kind of punishment. This year in my league the last place owner has to run a beer mile. This year we had an unusual situation where the commissioner of our league quit two weeks in and moved all of his players to the bench and was basically just a bye week for any team that played him.
My question is, who should run the beer mile? Should it be the owner that quit and went 0-13? Should it be the owner that finished second to last? Or should the punishment be forgotten about all together due to unusual circumstances.
Your thoughts? Thanks.
Why did that loser quit? If this is a cash league — and I assume it is because why else would you play FF — that’s especially weird.
No one is running that beer mile, man. It’s just not happening. I’m imagining finishing second to last place in your league and you guys trying to get me to accept the last place punishment when Commissioner Dickhead went 0-13. Hahaha. No fucking way. And it’s pointless trying to get the loser ex-commissioner to run it. He won’t.
What a shitty thing to do. Taints the whole season. Fuck that kid.
P.S. My poor buddy Brad Fish has to mow the lawns of everyone else in the league in one weekend. Front yard, backyard, edge, blow. We’re spread out among Houston and Austin. Think about how terrible that is.
Sup Dorn,
Got a bachelor party in Vegas during the first weekend of March Madness. Only time I’ve been to Vegas was last December and I had a blast but it was most likely substantially less crowded then than it will be for this weekend. Wondering if you or any of the commenters might have any advice on a game plan for hitting the sports book, casinos, etc. Last time I went we chilled at Westgate for almost an entire day and it was great but I’m assuming its gonna be way too packed. Thanks in advance for helping me lose money.
PS. Always been a fan of the Roger Dorn pseudonym. The Major League movies are criminally underrated.
I’ve been to Vegas many times but never during March Madness. From everything I’ve heard, you have to plant yourself in seats and set up a home base well in advance of tipoff if you want to chill in a sportsbook during the games. But then can you even leave and come back? I doubt it. I assume your friends have to hold the fort down while you take a leak in one-man trips or whatever. Meals have to be eaten there. You’re basically camping out.
You’re not even allowed to be on your phone inside sportsbooks. It takes a lot of dedication to pull off, man. And the craps table would be calling my name the whole time. It’s just not for me..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
Whoa. Girl who fucks other guys when she fights with her boyfriend. This is one of those “take your consequences and start a fresh life after the dust settles” situations. Zero positives could come from this situation
Zero positives…except for her pregnancy test.
And refers to it as a “small incident”. Cheating on a dude you want to marry and even worse with somebody you work with everyday is about as far from being a “small incident” as I can imagine.
Right?? If that’s a small incident, I don’t think I could handle what she considers a big incident.
Isn’t it interested how people can have such different realities? To me a “small incident” is when my hand accidentally hits someone’s butt when walking in a crowded area. The fact that she pulled a relationship ending move and believes there is any hope is insane. Poor child that she (might) have
If people like her continue to reproduce our country is soon to be completely overrun by mouth breathing idiots.
That’s already happened, dude
See: Idiocracy.
Pretty sure that’s the current state of our country.
The small might be referring to something other than the importance of the incident
Like, small sperm?
Also, the baby is definitely not her boyfriend’s because her boyfriend has no balls. There’s no way in hell that someone with balls would fuck his girlfriend after she had drunkenly drank with and stayed over at a coworker’s house, regardless whether you had confirmation of that or not.
Regardless whether they had sex*
The boyfriend obviously doesn’t know, cheating is the #1 no questions asked dumpable offense. That co-worker is culpable as F cause who doesn’t know who is taken in their own office (barring a massive office but if he is comfortable letting her come over late night he knows she has a bf). I wish no evil on anyone in your story confused, I think you need to gut the F up figure out who the dad is and make the best out of whatever situation that leaves. Good luck.
don’t know where that confused came from. *Edit Button would be nice like what SBNation has*
This is how murders happen and how Lifetime is still in existence on TV
F the girl who cheated and everything she stands for. I hope it’s the other guys and her BF finds a hotter lady whose loaded!
Big fan of this guy.
@dave guy who always gets shit on, this is how you submit a favorable contribution^
*dave guy comments and says he doesn’t give a shit about approval from PGP*
These went from “hey can you give me workout advice” to this shit reeeeal quick. Props to you Dillon for people feeling comfortable enough to dish this all out to you.
This is why D man has so many grey hairs coming in. God bless him
Quickly becoming a silver fox. I think all the ladies here approve.
Sup
Oh no he di’int!
Maybe…maybe we should go back to the college kids’ problems.
College kids are gonna read this weeks submissions and apply for grad school to not face the real world yet.
Can confirm.
Girl with the inheritance. Put it towards a mortgage, retirement or furthering your education, but something that will improve your life in the long run. I’m a guy who put non-family in that beneficiary spot and that’s what I would want given the same situation. He left you in their for a reason because no 32yo with a $100k 401k forgets that detail after four years…
Yeah, you don’t just ignore those enrollment/beneficiary updates every year. He knew what was going to you. Use it to better your life. Definitely offer it to siblings/mom, maybe a nice Christmas gift? (would that be too in your face?)
Very strange but potentially life changing event.
Just go buy 100k worth of bitcoin and ripple
If there was ever a legitimate reason to invest in crypto, it would be with blood money from a ex.
The first two are easily the heaviest submissions yet. Jfc and good luck, especially to the boyfriend of the second gal. That’s brutal no matter what the outcome is.
I was sitting at my desk, annoyed that I have two grad papers to write this week plus a few long work projects, and then I read girl #2’s entry. Sometimes you need a reminder that it could be worse.
To the girl with the pregnancy issue, I hate to bring up such a hot button issue here but absolutely consider options where you have the kid. Even if you’re pro choice you don’t know what kind of extraordinary positives that kid could bring to other people even if the circumstances of his conception weren’t that great.
Well said. I have two cousins who are adopted. I won’t get into pro life or pro choice but I always tell people I’m 100% pro adoption if possible
No. Her lifestyle might not allow her to carry a pregnancy to full term. Or she might not want to, which is also valid. Asking her to put her body through an unwanted pregnancy because it miiiight result in a cool baby is bogus. There’s just as much chance that this current cluster of cells could become the next Donald Trump.
If you can’t or don’t want to be pregnant you don’t have to be, it’s your constitutional right to be able to make that choice and it’s a shame she had to beat around the bush. Abortion is not a dirty word ya’ll!
Also she was so drunk she didn’t remember fucking this dude so that’s a whole other set of problems and all the more reason she should feel free to terminate this pregnancy.
He’s not saying she has to have the kid. He’s merely stating not to completely rule out the possibility. Calm the Hell down and put your pitchfork away.
Don’t do things if you can’t accept the responsibility of the potential outcomes. The point is she fucked up big time and should try and find the best possible outcome from the situation, which could potentially be providing a child to a couple (strait or gay) who could otherwise not have one due to fertility or other issues.
Exactly, or there may even be a relative willing to take in the kid as their own
I’m pouring one out tonight for #2 girl boyfriend tonight smh.
2nd girl. That relationship will never be the same, it’s over. Doubt that is the first time you cheated if you were with your bf and left to go find your co-worker. Feel bad for that guy.