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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co or call the Mailbag hotline at (833) 345-5662 to leave a voicemail and be featured on The Mailbag podcast. All topics welcome.
The Mailbag, a podcast based on this series, is live. The questions that make the podcast will be a combination of emails (if you’d like to remain anonymous) and voicemails. The hotline number is above. All topics are on the table.
Episode 10, featuring Ross Bolen, is below.
1. Hey Dillon, feel free to have this on the podcast or the column.
So my new girlfriend’s best friend is coming into town soon. I have yet to meet this friend in person, and my girlfriend wants us all to hangout one night this weekend. Girlfriend wants me to plan stuff around town for us three to do one night. I’m thinking of taking them to a wine/craft cocktail place for happy hour, then dinner at some iconic spot, then probably another bar or two.
Normally, if my girlfriend and I were going out, I’d be paying all night for date nights. I’m wondering if I’m responsible for paying for her friend in this situation where I’m entertaining them both all night. Do I be courteous and pick up the tab at each place plus the Ubers? Or maybe I only pay for myself and my girlfriend? Maybe just myself? We’re all out of school/grad school so everyone can afford a night out. Wondering what you and the gang’s thoughts are.
Thanks.
I think it boils down to this: Is it possible for you to bring it up without sounding like a cheap dickhead? Can you say something like “Hey so do you two want to just split this three ways?” or “Sarah, would you mind throwing a card in?” and feel okay about it? I couldn’t.
I have a feeling I’ll get pushback in the comments for this, but I think the move is to pay for both of them all night. First of all, the Ubers aren’t costing you any extra since you’re paying for that anyway. It’s just one more occupied seat in the car. Food and drinks are costly, I get it, but think of it like this: This is your opportunity to impress both your girlfriend and her friend by picking up their tabs. Seize it and be generous. It’s a good look.
It’s only one night of spending extra and it’s a great first impression to make. Winning over the best friend goes a long, long way. There’s a good chance she insists on paying, anyway.
2. Hey Dillon,
Long time, not my first time, always appreciated your advice, so I’m hoping you’ll be able to help again! Diving right in:
My boyfriend & I are planning to get engaged sometime in the next 6 months. We’re excited–after 2 years of being best friends and (by then) 2 years of dating, we’re so ready to take that next step. Also, both our leases come up in June next year, so it would also be the perfect time to take that other big next step of moving in together. The problem is that my dad would literally never forgive me or my boyfriend if we lived together before marriage, and I don’t say that lightly.
My dad is an incredibly old-fashioned Catholic, and he’s already a little upset about “losing his little girl to another man”, even though he really likes and respects my BF. And while I recognize that I’m an adult, I’ve always wanted to be respectful of how he feels because, well, he’s my dad and I love him. But now, it makes both logistical and financial sense to move in together, and we’ll already be engaged when it happens.
So, we’ve been debating just moving in together and not telling my parents. We live far away from them, my dad and I rarely discuss my living arrangements as is, and everyone else (including my mom and my boyfriend’s parents) would be fine with it. Keeping the secret would be pretty easy. My fear is that if he finds out, it’ll do more damage than being upfront would have. So, what do we do? Stick it out for another year and a half or so of dating/wedding planning and move in after the wedding, or do it when we want and hide it from my dad? I hate the idea of lying to my dad, but I also hate not living with my boyfriend and paying two rents when he’s effectively living with me already.
Thanks, Dill!
It would be a pretty big mistake to move in with him while keeping it from your dad, in my opinion. You love this man, so you’ll harbor a lot of guilt throughout the entirety of that living situation. Furthermore, IF he were to find out you did this and lied about it, I imagine that would result in an absolutely brutal fallout with him. He would be angry, hurt, and would lose trust in you, your fiancé, and your even your mom. Don’t do this.
I think your move is to talk to him in person and explain to him you intend on moving in with your fiancé, and here’s why:
“It makes both logistical and financial sense to move in together, and we’ll already be engaged when it happens.”
Your pitch is the above, plus you sell him on the premise that living with your fiancé before the wedding will be beneficial for you two longterm, to ensure you’re as compatible as you need to be to enjoy a long, healthy marriage. You have to win him over.
3. Hey Dillon,
What do you think are the most overrated and underrated types of food or restaurants?
Personally, I think Tapas and Sushi are overrated. I always seem to leave hungry or spend an obscene amount to be full.
Looking forward to your thoughts.
Thanks, Will
You nailed it with tapas restaurants. I believe the whole idea behind tapas is based on deception. Hey come eat our small plates of food! They’re small and cute and fun and taste good, and since they’re not traditionally sized plates, we won’t charge you as much!
It sounds tight so you go there and learn they’re actually very small and you need to order three of them to equal one full size meal that will fill you up. $36 in food and two 10 dollar cocktails later and you’re dropping 60+ dollars for just you.
I can’t hate on sushi, though. That shit is so good.
4. Sup Mr. Pickle,
The basic deal is this: I am right out of college with a good job, no student loans, and I just found out I’ll be getting some serious cash from the (since passed) grandfather. I have about $4000 of casual debt to my parents for helping me get started, but with my current job I could comfortably pay that off in a year. I’ll be getting in the mid 80 thousands. What should I do?
My current thoughts are: max out my Roth IRA yearly deposit ($5500), pay off my debts ($4000), throw 10k in a savings account, and start investing the rest in a mostly ETF concentrated account.
Any suggestions? I’m 23 so this’ll be a lot more than I’m used to dealing with.
I’ll be honest here. Aside from the obvious — paying off debts, maxing out your IRA and 401 (k) — I’m not too knowledgable about ways to invest in the market. I’ll leave that to finance guys in the comment section. Consider buying real estate, though. That’s a great investment that’s paid off for me.
5. Dillon-san,
So I’m 24 and don’t have an insta. I swear I’m not ugly or a serial killer, I just deleted it at some point in college during finals week and never got it back. I feel like I’m missing out and would like to start one but I’m super late in the game. I have so many questions.
Will it be weird starting one at this point in life? What should be my first post? How do I casually ask my friends to follow me? Is it weird if I follow old friends I haven’t talked to in a very long time? Also, I work in the tech industry and it’s pretty common to put insta handles on the contact section of your github account/portfolio site. So should I gear my posts towards my industry? Or maybe do a mix of social/industry posts? Please help!
I don’t know why so many of you feel the need to assure me that you’re not ugly, but I weirdly enjoy it. This has to be the hottest collective readership on the internet.
It’s weird to me that a 24-year-old isn’t on Instagram, but I guess there has to be people like you out there. Yeah, you’re missing out on a lot and it’s time to get in the game. Surely you have a collection of semi-recent to recent pictures in your camera roll that you can slowly start posting to your account. Follow old friends, new friends, work friends, and family. Don’t ask anyone to follow you. When they see that you’ve followed them, that’s when they’ll decide if your worthy of a follow-back.
“Or maybe do a mix of social/industry posts?”
Yes, but don’t overthink this. Just show us pics of you having fun. That’s what we all do..
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
I like how this goes from “I have tons of money – I need to learn investment strategies” to “how do I Instagram?”
Adulthood is wild, man.
Guy 1. Pick up the tab at dinner and the Ubers. However, feel free to take the offer if best friend wants to buy you a beer at the bar.
Ask the “what do I do with all my money” guy to pitch in
This. Recently went through this and I picked up the most expensive outing (dinner) and maybe another round or two throughout the night. She got us a few rounds throughout the night. It worked out well.
This. Surely the friend will offer to get a round or two to help even it all out? I would if I was in the same boat. Adding on, as a former regular third wheel, Sarah throwing in a card for dinner means she pays half of the bill for 3 people, or the waiter is doing math he doesn’t want to do. It makes more sense to let her even it out somewhere else.
Exactly. I think it should be looked at as a “social investment”. Best friend will talk about how nice the gesture was for months after which will score you some good points every time.
“First rounds on me” usually works pretty well – or get your girlfriend on board and lead with something like “lets all just throw in our cards to make it easy for the waiter” when the check comes. Like Non-consecutive Easy E’s said – just plan to pay for everything all night. Anything the friend or your significant other does is just a bonus for you.
Hey Dill, us “finance guys in the comment section” are getting tired of answering all your people’s questions pro-bono. So, we’re going to start charging for advice. Can we just send the billable hours to your office?
Thanks,
Finance guy in the comment section.
pussy
The don’t answer the questions man
Hey man, quit killing my vibe ok?
that’s not how you hustle
It is 2018 and women are equal to men in every way. The more appropriate question is, “what is keeping the two girls pick up all the costs for that evening?”. This would be a great opportunity for them to smash the patriarchy.
Shhh don’t say that. Then we wouldn’t have anything to protest about anymore.
Minus the wage gap. Pick up the drinks.
All this comment does is display that you are statistically illiterate
Username checks out Ms. Bong ✅
Username checks out ✅
1. I hate when girl friends of women think they’re entitled to free things from the boyfriend. The check should be split three ways, and I think it’s obvious enough that it doesn’t warrant a conversation when the bill arrives.
2. It’s not your fault, but Dads who get overly dramatic about the whole “losing my little girl” thing are so cringe. That behavior seems kind of emotionally manipulative, but you should try being upfront with him anyway because he’s still family.
3. I think Sushi is overrated, but sashimi is underrated.
4. Don’t buy real estate now, it’s a sellers market. A market correction seems inevitable in the next few years, so I wouldn’t go all in on the stock market yet. There’s more knowledgeable folks in the comments than me though.
Eh throw it all in the market. If we could predict exactly when to put in and pull out (lol) we wouldn’t be working, we’d be on the beach sippin on some sizzurp with all our profits.
For #4, you’re coming very close to trying to time the market. Rule #1: you’ll never time the market. The longer you leave it in, the more likely you’ll see net gains no matter what it’s doing when you withdraw it.
I time it correctly all the time because I’m a closer. Figure it out cuck.
The market is already correcting, we’re like 10% away from a recession.
At the end of the day the US economy is still strong, October is a historically bad month for markets. The past few weeks we have seen large swings mostly pointed down. I personally see this as a great opportunity to buy and at the end of the day your investing in a company you see as being successful long term regardless of the market movements in the short term. I would do some research in companies that are “recession proof” these are generally more safe and probably will dip in the future but the long term outlook is bright.
2nd. Gonna be 12-18 months at least before we see a real downturn. We will see it within a couple years, but fundamentals are still strong and the yield curve has turned around a bit. We’re good for now. This volatility is all normal.
That’s not how that works.
#1 guy– I doubt your ole lady’s friend is expecting you to pick up her tab. But you should at least extend the offer then allow her to pay her own way if she waves you off. High risk high reward but you’ll get brownie points either way which is fucking important
lol first dudes about to drop 500+ in a night.
If the best friend doesn’t offer to pay, that’s a trash move. However, I would probably pay the dinner and have her get some rounds later, like the others said. you want to make a good impression. (that’s what I would like my bf to do, and I would be impressed if my BFF’s bf did that)
soon-to-be-engaged girl–I would wait until you get engaged (assuming that he will be asking for permission if your dad is this traditional?), and then talk to your dad about living together. as Dill said, you don’t want to be found out later.
moneybags-def talk to a financial adviser.
I’d be very cautious about financial advisers. 96% of actively managed mutual funds fail to beat S&P and advisers are obviously trying to make $ on commissions.
I’d buy SPY (S&P) and VIGRX Vanguard Growth).
*Eyeroll*
VIGRX is an investor share which have higher sales loads and an indefinite 12b-1 fee, person who could use the help of a financial advisor.
SLAY QUEEN! *high five*
VIGRX averaged 12.35% annual return from May 2010 to May 2016. How did you do during that period?
There’s a lot to unpack here but I’ll keep it short: 1. You don’t get to just choose a timeframe that makes your fund look the best 2. WTF kind of timeframe is that? 3. If only we all had the wisdom you do to put in May 2010 and pull out May 2016 4. If you held only this fund since inception in 1992, through the market recessions in 2001 and 2008, it still hasn’t caught back up to the S&P 500 index if we’re going to play that game. Whereas a diversified portfolio of even 80/20 outpaced the S&P until about 2013.
But then again, who needs financial advisors when you can just do it yourself and not even keep up with the S&P?
Oh and also re: your commissions comment: I guess I’m not entitled to earn a living and put food on my table like you are 🙁
THANK YOU. Everytime someone acts like advisors are evil for charging commissions I say “Do you work for free? I don’t either.”
Of course you should earn commission. I’m just pointing out that you’re selling smoke. No one can ever consistently time the market. And dollar-cost average investing in indexes beats actively managed funds almost every time. What people choose to do with that information is entirely up to them.
No good advisor is ever trying to time the market. Everyone investing long term is being told to stay the course. If you choose to think you know more than people who do this for a living that’s entirely up to you.
Everything Desk Jockey said plus Abe’s original point was that OP should be worried about paying commissions to a financial advisor. Advisors are paid trails on mutual funds from the embedded fees the funds are charged regarless of if you work with an advisor or have an online brokerage account.
Above all, I recommend that OP not take financial advice from someone that knows nothing about his situation other than his salary.
Most of my money is in S&P actually. I bought a bunch of shares after Brexit for $200. It’s now worth $270. But I’m sure you financial wizards all do better than 35 % ROI.
Telling us that most of your money is in the S&P tells us all we need to know about your investing acumen.
The late great economist Dr. Thomas Stanley wrote that whenever a financial adviser would ask for his business, he would tell them that he would work with them if they provided proof that they outperformed him the last five years. None ever followed up… Also, Warren Buffett and Tony Robbins recommend buy indexes. But you’re smarter than them too.
There’s more to financial advice than simply investment selection, chief. Do you know what a roth IRA is? Back door roth conversion? ILIT? LIRP? How much you’ll need for retirement in 40 years? How do you manage your capital losses in down years? Loan or own? Irrevocable trust? Living trust? Tax free bonds for tax free income if you’re wealthy enough? Short term savings? How to manage non-qualified money so you’re not paying tax on 100% of your proceeds in 40 years? Long term care? 529 plans for your kids? I think you get the picture bud. But you keep putting in that S&P 500 index and ignore international sm/md/lg. caps that are extremely undervalued right now 😉
P.s. The S&P 500 index is basically made up of like 20 companies that have any pull, not 500 since it’s market cap weighted, but I’m sure you already knew that.
P.p.s. I hope you’re smart enough to rebalance your portfolio before you retire because I’d hate for you to retire in 2009 after your amazing computer algorithm controlled hands off index funds just lost 40% and didn’t have the wherewithal to rebalance into undervalued securities!
P.p.p.s. Fuck financial advisors.
P.p.p.p.s. You owe me .15 hours for that advice 😉
#2 – My family isn’t as Catholic as yours, but when my girlfriend and I did this, we just straight up told our parents this is what we were doing. Surely if you’re happy your dad will see this and get over it (especially since it sounds like your mom would be on board). Also, I’m of the mind it’s always good to live with your SO before marriage.
My family is super Catholic and I wasn’t allowed to live with my boyfriend or fiance prior to marriage. I moved in the day after the wedding. We divorced three years and two kids later. It sucked. I have talked to my parents extensively about this and they both are of total agreement (now) that living with someone prior to getting married is essential.
My girlfriend’s parents weren’t happy when we moved in but they’re cool with it now. Gotta test drive before engagement and marriage, imo.
My thoughts have always been the person who pitched the idea of going out is the primary bill payer.
Take that $80K to an adviser first and see what kind of plan they would draw up for you. Most will offer some sort of free consultation. That’s too much money to try to invest by yourself at 23.
Am I the only one that read this as his salary would be mid 80s?
I re-read it and i can see now why I am wrong and why I was also confused. Thanks for understanding.
I thought the same thing
Also – don’t forget that the IRS could want a piece of that ass depending on how/where the money came from with your GPA and how the estate handles it. Hella confusing but drop a cool $250 on a consult with a CPA
You should be fine given current estate law…just short the VIX
That’s what I do with all my clients. I just pick up the other side of the option and all should be merry 🙂
assuming the $80k was liquid cash not pretax pensions… yes.