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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Quick note: I’m sorry this is a day late. The Homie has the flu so I had to stay home with him yesterday.
Dillon,
Pretty new to the post-grad life (aka a paycheck above minimum wage), so with that comes new things to do. Namely, bars that aren’t exclusively filled with fake-equipped 19 year olds. That being said, I’ve found myself with a new challenge when I’m out and trying to meet people, and hopefully I’m not the only one facing this. For some reason, the “So, how old are you?” question always gets brought up at some point when talking to a cute girl. Like I said, I’m just out of college, so when I tell them “22” it’s like I’ve just started talking about my extensive taxidermy collection and they’re never to be seen again.
So, my question is this: when first meeting someone, is it ever okay to lie about your age at a bar? I’m not talking 6 or 7 years here. I’m just asking what the morality is in bumping yourself up to 24 or 25 since it would seem any girl 21-24 doesn’t want to so much as have a conversation with anyone younger than that. (And, yes, obviously if I saw them more than a couple of times, I’d fess up. I’m just looking to get a foot in the door).
Thanks in advance!
Chi Town Dave
I don’t think it’s ever okay to lie about your age when pursuing someone, but there is a spectrum here.
If you’re looking to keep it super casual and maybe just find someone to hook up with once or twice, that’s on one end of the “how messed up is this move?” spectrum. It’s not okay, but it’s just a misdemeanor. If you’re not the casual hookup type, however, and talk to girls with the intention of locking one down for the long haul, it would be pretty sorry of you to lie about your age. Imagine being two months into dating someone and having to have a “Yeah, so there’s something I need to fess up to” conversation. That will not go well for you.
Dillon,
Serious problem here and I could use some help. So I shave my beard in the morning. Anywhere from two to four days after I shave, some nice stubble starts to appear. If I had to rate my face at this point in time, I’d give myself a 7 or an 8. However, during that first day upon shaving, I look like a toddler, and immediately after 4 days of stubble, it starts to get patchy and ugly – my rating goes down to a 4.
Have you ever tried rocking a beard? Any tips (comments appreciated) to improve facial hair growth and get out of the patchy stage?
Many thanks my man
First of all, and everybody knows this about me, I can’t grow facial hair for shit. My sideburns don’t come in at all and it’s thin and spotty across my cheek and jaw until it gets to my goatee area, where it’s somewhat thicker. For this reason, a beard is not ever happening for me. It’s a fate I’ve grown to accept after many years of wishing puberty would fully set in for me. I hate it.
I’m also on record saying a beard is a facial crutch for the unattractive. This is 25% based on truth and 75% based on jealousy. A full, properly kept beard makes anyone’s face look better. Anyone’s. And it can turn an average looking guy into a looker. As long as they’re able to grow a proper one, of course.
But look, if your natural face doesn’t look as great as it does with some stubble, and if your face drops to a 4 when it grows out some more, why don’t you buy a beard trimmer and maintain it at stubble length? A 7 or 8 is up there, you handsome son of a bitch.
I know what you mean by the toddler comment, though. When Will shaves his beard and walks into Content Alley, it’s downright jarring. We all stare and ask him why he would do such a thing. It’s like it’s not even Will we’re looking at. Beardless, I’m not into Will. Full beard, though, Will is a hot dude. That thing is impressive and he should never be cleanly shaven. That’s my take.
Dillon,
Blah blah reader for a while whole shabang.
Your advice usually seems pretty spot on. You’re saying 2018 is the year of shooting your shot. So simple question here: how do you shoot your shot? I’m into a very popular girl and I’m a well liked enough but relatively unnoticed guy. Trying to start the year off right.
I’m not into basketball but if I could summarize my dating life id say I’m 0 and quite a lot from the line. Please help.
Honest answer: I don’t know. I talk a big game about seizing opportunity with the ladies but I don’t know how to do it myself.
Play to your strengths, though. For me, I’ve always leaned on striking up a conversation via text message since words are kind of my shit. I have never been, and will never be, an approach irl kind of guy. I’m not wired to walk up to someone and introduce myself out of the blue. I fear conversation lulls too much.
I’ll throw a few texts at her to gauge her interest, then I’ll go from there.
I’m hoping some Comment Casanovas can help you out more than I can, though. You ARE going after popular girl, though. That’s settled.
Yo Dorno,
I’m the best man for my friends upcoming wedding. I have the bachelor party all planned out for a standard Austin B party. The groom lives in the DFW area and is driving down, whereas the rest of us live around the midwest and will be flying down. The wedding is also the following month also in the DFW area. Is it okay to ask the groom to pay his share of the rental house? Feels reasonable since we’re all paying for 2 flights down there.
No. First of all, the groom lives in DFW. DFW is not only where the wedding is, but he also agreed to a bachelor party that is within driving distance of his home base. What a guy.
I have a rule that goes like this: As the bride or groom, you can only ask your local friends to take one roundtrip flight. Whether that flight is for the bachelor/bachelorette party or the actual wedding doesn’t matter. You get one only. Flights are not cheap, and your wedding party is presumably in their mid to late-twenties and not flush with cash. So either your bachelor/bachelorette party or your wedding needs to be around your home base. That’s all you can do. The out-of-towners have to figure shit out themselves because it’s unreasonable to cater to all of them.
I bring this up because the groom in this case is having both near his home base, when he could be wilin’ out in Vegas, Cabo, or Breck for his bachelor party. He’s done enough already. Each of you throwing in an extra 30 or 40 bucks to cover your boy’s share of the rental house isn’t going to kill you.
And when it’s your turn to get married, they’ll take care of you. What goes around, comes around, so don’t set a cheap precedent.
Hey Dorn,
Been a reader for a few months now, big fan of the columns. I’m a recent grad with a roommate and I’m a bit new to sharing an apartment with someone else so I’m not sure how to
gauge this situation. To the point, is there a generally accepted code for what’s appropriate in terms of having a girlfriend staying over and at what point is staying over more like adding a third roommate?
I think the biggest thing that needs to happen before the girlfriend becomes a fixture in the household is a conversation with your roommate. Some people are totally cool with the situation, but some are not. A conversation will go a long way in understanding how they feel about it. This scenario has torn many roommates apart.
Is she crashing there two or three nights a week, or has she brought most of her shit to your place? Lots of grey here. I think when it’s assumed she’s staying over before plans for the day/night have even been made, she’s basically your roommate. Before it gets to that point, the aforementioned conversation should have occurred..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
If you’re at the bar and all you’re looking for a casual evening fling, it’s permissible to lie about anything and everything.
E&D crushes the resident scumbag role day in and day out you gotta respect it.
The truth ain’t always pretty, fam
I am a purveyor of truth, even when it’s about lying.
This.
Think you’re taking the advice a little too close to heart there bud.
Permissable and often times advisable.
Join me on my beard journey by using the hashtag #noshavedave (so I can see it)
You hoping for all color or you want a little salt mixed in?
Already seeing what appears to be blonde or gray. Stand by.
Just for men is your friend!!
No. There are few things less attractive than a guy that colors his beard. Let the gray show. It’s hot.
Crutch for the ugly? How dare you. I’ll fight you, you baby faced bastard
run up then
Idk, man. You might wanna rethink this move because Native American Chiefs have a special connection with nature causing wolves and buffalo and elk to be summoned after you via the wind
He will paint with all the colors of your ass
Hope The Homie is feeling better, Dillionaire
He is. Thank you, friend.
I once had a roommate who brought a girl home from the bar, his girlfriend walked in on them, and punch him in the face. He got a black eye lol
lol
I’m the best man for my buddy’s wedding coming up in 3 months. I’m coming from across the country. He chose the weekend before the wedding for the bachelor party. I’m not taking a week off of work. Two trips in 1 week: 2018 is going to be expensive.
PS, is the weekend before your wedding a psychotic time for your bach party
Yeah, serial killer psychotic. I think a month before is a good time.
Can chime in on this
BM for a February wedding
We did the Bachelor Party in November so as to not get mixed up in Holidays and to stay away from a vacation request in both February and January.
I had a roommate(best friend) in college with a girlfriend that stayed at our house for 11 consecutive nights. I called him out. He tried to fight me. Fortunately, they broke up and we’re still boys. He even admitted that I was right.
my roommate’s girlfriend hasn’t slept at her place since several weeks before christmas break, can any lawyers please explain my rights under castle doctrine @dave
“Can’t you fucking go to her house?”
Try that one
yea he dates the one junior i know who lives in a dorm for lack of friends and shitty parents so that didn’t fly.
She needs to start paying rent, or spending 2-3 nights a week at her place. He can go there with her or not, doesn’t matter. Those are the two options.
I know you were probably joking…but your lease probably describes how many nights someone can spend before they have to be added to the lease. Otherwise everyone is in breach and can be evicted. Good way to bring it up to the roommate…
thanks, but i was thinking more of a “intruders will be killt” kinda thing
You know the phrase, “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission”? Probably not applicable to murder.
Really thought you were going to throw some personal insight onto the “intruders will be killt” move, Kev.
Well look at Jack Kevorkian. Permission doesn’t work too well either.
To the young guy at the bars. Sorry to break it to you, but you are a postgrad “freshman”. You are just gonna have to deal with it and take this time to learn. That being said, find the freshmen postgrad bars and/or college bars (if there are some in your city). You will do just fine there. But just like before, upperclassmen are going to dominate, it is just a fact of life.
If girls your age aren’t digging you, try for significantly older. 22-26 is the time for young men to hunt some cougar divorcees.
For “shoot your shot” guy, just ask her. Being honest and direct will go a long way. If she says no, then at least you save a lot of wasted mental energy by realizing it wasn’t meant to be.
But he’s going after the “popular girl”. Is this guy still in high school? That kinda changes things. No such thing as the popular girl once you hit college / post grad.
I guess post grad includes anyone who graduated from the 8th grade.
Too many social groups running around college for there to be one popular boy/girl unless it’s a really tiny place. But if this guy’s a high schooler, should I give him props or commiserations for already being in a PGP place mentally?
I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that the use of “popular girl” was more that she frequently has potential male suitors approaching her when they are out in a group setting.
Yeah don’t think that is the move. Gotta make sure you are standing on solid ground before you jump. Establish some rapport, and then shoot.
Yeah, if there’s no flirting involved yet then it’s probably not going to go well, unless he is very cool with the take away rejection and she gets curious later.
Honestly probably isn’t going to go well since he views her as the “popular” girl and him having little shot (not the best mentality to have to get the girl, dude).
Benefit of the doubt that this is the first time I have heard that phrase since 2009 when I was in high school
Hi Chi town Dave. I just graduated and moved to Chi too. I’ll be your friend.