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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
I’ll keep these quick.
Noticed on more than one occasion some of my close buddies drink cocktails/mixed drinks through their straws. I’m under the impression that’s a chick thing. I’ve called them on it and they don’t get it. They still do it. Should I think ‘hey, it’s 2018 drink however you please’ or keep speaking up? Just trying to help them out here.
Also, I’m throwing a bachelor party in Nashville this weekend. 10-12 guys. I’d describe the wildness of the group as “moderate”. Any tips on a steakhouse, brunch, bars or anything else? We’re downtown.
Thanks.
Guys shouldn’t drink cocktails through straws. Maybe that sounds old-fashioned and is probably not as accepted in today’s social climate as it would have been a decade or two ago, but that’s how I see it.
I don’t have a good reason for this, either, or even a theory as to how it started. I just know it feels very unmanly to drink through those tiny straws, and a lot of people seem to agree. I think it’s fair game to make fun of your boys for it.
I’ve spent a total of one night in Nashville so I’m useless here, but I know the commenters will help you out.
First time submitting, relatively new reader (have read enough to know this is how you start it).
I’m looking for suggestions on how to talk to a significant other about weight. My girlfriend is awesome in many ways, but she’s experienced a noticeable weight gain since we started dating almost a year ago that has impacted my attraction to her. In her defense, she went through a demoralizing layoff at work before the holidays and is only recently back working full time. She’s also not oblivious to her weight gain — she’s a former college athlete and was in good shape to begin with — but I’ve been passive in communicating its impact on me. I want to give her time to get herself back on track, but also want to raise the sense of urgency ahead of the imminent one year marker, as my waning attraction is definitely a strike against taking the relationship more seriously. Any thoughts on how to approach this from my POV?
I imagine my question is controversial coming from a guy, but I also imagine there are plenty more examples with the roles are reversed. There’s also a rabbit hole to be found in the extent to which physical traits matter between guys and girls. Sorry for the landmines in this one — answer at your own risk.
This is a very difficult question to answer, but it’s one probably so relatable to so many people out there (guys and girls) that I feel obligated to take a run at it.
This one stumped me pretty good so I just opened the floor to discussion in media alley. You got the whole squad helping you out here, and I think we came up with the right approach.
This has to be a team effort. A joint lifestyle change.
She’s not going to the gym. You both are. She’s not going for a bike ride. You both are. Suggest activities for the two of you. “It’s time we both get our healthy lifestyles back on track,” then be proactive in planning things for you to do together. It’s not that you’ll always have to do these things together. It’s about kicking off the healthy movement as a unit and making it become part of your routines. Then she’s off and running. Pun intended.
Also, start cooking healthy meals for both of you.
Hey Dillon,
You gave a pretty nice answer to a previous question of mine, so hopefully we can keep it going. I was just wondering if you had any words of advice for a guy who doesn’t make too much money to attract women? I make $60,000 a year, which is plenty to go out on dates on weekends and out to bars, but I feel like there’s kind of a stigma against guys not pulling in at least 6 figs. Any thoughts my man?
Cheers (or should I say chevereres)
You know I had to do it.
Unless you’re significantly older than most of the people who read this website, or you live in Manhattan, there’s no shame in pulling down 60k. You’re probably in your mid to late twenties. That’s a fine salary. You are able to live in a decent part of town and go to dinners and take advantage of the 20% off sale at Man Outfitters. Stuff like that.
Do girls want to date guys who stack paper? Obviously. That’s been true since we started walking upright. Girls want to feel that you’re able support them and provide for them. It’s natural. And look, you can. You’re doing fine, and hopefully ascending up that pay scale.
There are the ones who won’t date you unless you’re killing it financially. You don’t want them anyway, though.
Hey Dillon,
So the wife and I are looking to do a 5-year anniversary honeymoon/babymoon (as she is expecting for this fall) and have really only done west coast trips together. We are looking at doing an Austin/Dallas week, a NC/SC week, or a Northeast trip and were looking for advice from you and PGPers on which might be best. Looking to do food, museums, and some outdoor stuff. Hopefully you and the PGPers can help us out.
Thanks man!
First of all, congrats to you and the missus. Five years of marriage plus a baby on the way. Big things.
I’m going to let the commenters take this one away, but let me throw in a vote for South Carolina. Charleston is a great little city. Charming as fuck. The northeast doesn’t do much for me, but I know many people disagree.
Good evening, King.
Big fan of your work Dillon. Congrats on your acceptance to black twitter. But my girlfriend and I have a bit of a moral dilemma on our hands. Long story short, she recently has gotten some unsolicited money from someone via Venmo. And this isn’t any $5 or $20 transactions. I’m talking close to $400 in a matter of a day just to snap message the poor guy.
Now I’m completely aware of how weird this is and it’s only a matter of time until he starts getting creepy. She’s made it very clear that a) she’s happily in a relationship and b) she will not send any pics below the neck or above the knees. Obviously, I’m not a big fan of this. But everything points to this guy just being lonely and genuinely enjoying sending her money just to talk to him. And being a recent grad with limited income, I can’t blame her for turning down essentially free money.
Now I know morally she should refuse the money and tell him to move on. But realistically, it’s a lot of money just to talk to the guy. And, as weird as it many seem, he seems perfectly fine with just sending her money for face snaps and conversations. I wish I was making this stuff up, but I’ve included the Venmo pics.
Sorry for the long email, but I want to hear your response.
-Todd (aka fake name)
This doesn’t surprise me. There are lots of these people out there, actually. It’s a fetish. They enjoy paying girls for their attention, but just electronically, and oftentimes for the girls to berate them. She needs to be careful with the selfies, though, man. Those can end up in weird places.
I was in discussions with this dude who wanted to pay me for pictures of the bare soles of my feet, but our negotiation hit a snag when he said he wanted my face in the pics, too. That’s a deal breaker, as I didn’t want to end up on some seedy foot fetish site.
I think the just talking to him part is okay, as long as it stays at the appropriate level and you are kept aware of everything going on. Money is money, and that’s a lot to turn down for simply texting with someone. It’s definitely pretty weird, though, and not something I’d go around telling people about. The pics definitely up the creepy factor, too. Maybe she can go back to the negotiation table with some new terms: no pics.
DILL,
First time, long time, love ya. Anyway, I need guy help! Like a year ago, I met this guy and we hung out / made out (lol) a few times. He is unlike anyone I’ve ever met in a good way. He basically told me that he was too busy for me last summer and I blocked him. Fast forward to recently… I unblocked him and drunk texted him. I 1000% thought he would not respond but shocker- he did and called me and then ubered me from the bar to his apt and then ubered me from his apt back to the bar. We made out again but haven’t talked since. So my question- was this basically just a make out call? I feel like if he was interested he would have contacted me. I would consider leaving my boyfriend for this guy. PLEASE HELP!
“Was this basically just a make out call?”
Yes. Not “basically,” though. This definitely was only a makeout/booty call.
“I feel like if he was interested he would have contacted me.”
That is correct.
Here’s an opinion you didn’t ask for: Lose the guy you’re currently with. You’re already looking for an out anyway so quit wasting everyone’s time here. Plus it sounds like you cheated on him?.
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
Definitely agree with Dillon’s advice on the weight loss stuff. My college boyfriend and I both experienced significant “relationship weight gain” and we had to make a commitment to work out/eat well together to get results. Plus by the time I found out he was cheating on me I had a rockin’ bod to jump back into the game.
You go girl
How has this not been “sup?”ed a thousand times already
I have really messy diarrhea quite often (I have fast-food Juevos Rancheros for dinner most nights seeing how its cheap) and breakfast tacos every morning, so my bung hole is like Mount St. Helen to be honest. It can erupt at any given moment.
…dude
And that’s how I don’t gain much weight.
Uhhh, you for sure cheated on your boyfriend.
Guy making 60K, sounds like you’re into the wrong girls.
Right?! I already make enough to support myself so why do I care how much my SO makes?
I agree to a point. It is important however to have a sense of stability and to know how to manage your money. If you’re trying to decide if you can see a future with someone, money counts but it’s so much more than the dollar amount.
Sup
Go date a man who’s broke, has no credit, no ambition, and be sure to pay for all of his drinks and meals on every single date then if it doesn’t matter.
Despite what women say, yes they do care about a man’s success and ability to provide to a certain point.
Now 60k isn’t a bad place to be for his age, so he shouldn’t beat himself up over it. Just keep working hard and stay ambitious.
Nah Im wrong, hell dude just quit your job and start working at McDonald’s if that’s your passion, because any girl that would have a problem with your income and not love you for your character and who you are as a person is “the wrong kind of girl”, you can probably find a girl who makes enough to support herself nowadays anyway so it doesn’t matter what you make. The above commenters and all their upvoters agree.
Not even sure why we went to college and are all on a site for “post grads” since money doesn’t matter, we should all just be ok with entry level positions not even sure why this site for post grads talking about grinding away even exists since none of us are motivated by money.
~ end sarcasm~
Real talk, dude, don’t listen to these other people (except Dillon, his response was close on), I will say that you’re going to be ok at 60k, it’s not a bad income at all, especially for your 20s, and you will make more money in the future too- and I promise you women do take notice (they don’t ask your income but they look for indicators of success like job title, how you dress, speak, are you renting or buying, how you carry yourself, etc.) But any of these people in this thread or this site or anywhere in the world try to tell you money doesn’t matter and that women don’t like a guy with cash are 1. LYING 2. Wrong 3. Deluding themselves that they’re living in a fantasy/utopia dream world and think humans aren’t motivated and fascinated by wealth, power, sex and success (they very much are).
Downvote me into oblivion. Truth hurts.
This. You don’t want the ones that ask. That’s a “we’ve been exclusive/dating” question in my opinion.
I can’t even imagine asking that question of someone.
Good, I was worried we were going to have to cover that.
Sounds more like he listens to too many Manosphere/pickup artist, you got to block out that negative shit man.
As he gets older he will make more money. Men tend to age fairly well as they get older so long as they take care of their health. Women just so happen to tend to be attracted to older men…
I think he’ll be fine so long as he stays focused on improving his career and staying in good health. Chin up bud.
Stop using straws. You’re killing turtles.
Dude, it’s not cool to care about animals…apparently. Source: my comment on zoo animals from earlier today.
RE: Last one – yeah, it’s time you and your BF have a talk. That’s not cool and if you are admitting that you’d leave your current boyfriend for another guy on an email to an internet stranger (no offense, Dillon), then you’ve already got one foot out the door and are just delaying the inevitable.
Nut up and break up.
Wouldn’t it be nice to feel like I “only make 60k”…
Guy making $60k: stop stressing. It’s never enough. Basically, if you still have to show up everyday to a place to earn a salary, you’re considered poor to the actual rich people. The same rich people who are destroying this place so lucky for you, if all goes well enough, you won’t have to worry about not making enough money lol
How much do you make per year? I make $48,000
Why are you like this?
Mr. $60k… The median household income in the United States is $59k per year. Again – that’s household. Keep grinding, be grateful for what you have, and you’ll attract the right kinds of girls.
Cocktails with straws means your gay! Just kidding, it’s 2018 and I usually request the biggest, thickest straw they have for my old fashioned
I think that if the drink is a non craft cocktail (like a vodka soda) its more acceptable to use a straw, especially if the damn cup is filled to the brim with ice. But hey if you wanna use a straw for something live your damn truth
The anti-straw take is the most over used BS argument. Like we get it, you saw Crazy Stupid Love and think you’re better than us lovers of the straw.
John Wayne never used a straw.
Yeah, and he’s dead now. Think about it.
We all gotta die of something!
for the babymoon: definitely go to charleston – i would suggest savannah too but thats more of a drinking town and you dont want your pregnant wife to watch you get hammered, or maybe you do, in that case – go to savannah too
Charleston is awesome and if you consider yourself a “foodie” they have some great restaurants. Take a few days down south to Hilton Head and hang by the beach and if you’re in to golf it’s a great place to golf also.
Yes to Charleston and Hilton head. Or Kiawah if you want something closer to Charleston. Buy the Charleston Heritage Passport from the visitors center – pays for itself with 2-3 uses and works for 2 plantations and all the historic museum houses.
where’s @kiawahislandstripclub when we need him
Charleston all the way. My favorite city – got engaged there and wanted to do our babymoon there but husband’s work conflicts got in the way.