Locals In College Town Take The Festivus Airing of Grievances A Bit Too Far

Locals In College Town Take The Festivus Airing of Grievances A Bit Too Far

I spent four of the best years of my life in Amherst, MA. Despite that, I am not exactly blind to the faults of my beloved college town. It’s hard to adequately explain the hippie-yet-yuppie vibe of Amherst, so instead I’ll just put it this way: life is a whole lot different out there in Western Massachusetts. So much so that Massachusetts should probably split into two, like a North Dakota/South Dakota situation. Thus, given the…uniqueness of those who inhabit Amherst, I wasn’t exactly surprised when I saw the following headline: “Amherst police called in to settle ‘Festivus’ dispute; airing of grievances becomes ‘too heated.’”

According to MassLive:

Amherst police report that they were called to the area of Antonio’s Pizza on North Pleasant Street early Saturday to settle a verbal dispute. Several patrons, who earlier had been to area bars, began discussing Christmas and Festivus.

When the discussion evolved into the airing of grievances, things became too heated and police had to step in to cool things down, according to the Amherst police log.

Oh, Antonio’s…home of the hot slice up front…I miss you so. Oops, sorry, back on topic. Now, let us remember that it’s winter break for the universities that call Amherst and the surrounding towns home, so the patrons of these bars who took the airing of grievances a bit too far were locals, not students. A fact that anyone who’s spent any amount of time of Amherst will not be surprised by.

As they rained blows upon each other, they did not realize there had to be another way. As such, the Amherst police (who cannot possibility be paid enough for the amount of shit they deal with) arrived on the scene and diffused the situation, and those that were involved “were sent on their way with some advice on how to handle the season of Festivus.” Apparently, the police were not aware that Festivus is not over until someone is pinned.

Thankfully, there were no reports of any violence involving the Festivus pole that was retrieved from the crawl space. As you know, It’s made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight ratio.

[via MassLive]

Image via Shutterstock

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at

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