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“You wanna get out of here?”
It’s a sentence that any woman is likely to hear on a booze-fueled Friday night. I flashed a smile, politely declined, and slipped off the dance floor to go find my friends. Turns out, this otherwise common exchange was going to lead to a night-long debate.
We’re rolling deep tonight, with no less than eleven people in the squad, roaming the bars like a herd of freshman on orientation weekend. Naturally, there is going to be some disagreement when you get a group this large together, so the night spiraled into a heated discussion of sex, orgasms, and the opposite gender.
It made me realize something laughable; most guys seem to think women have a virtually non-existent sex drive when compared to their own. And they’re smug about this like it’s a defining factor of masculinity to be ready to go anywhere at anytime with any passably decent vagina.
“If you liked sex as much as that guy did, you would be having sex with him right now,” one of my friends had insisted. Solid logic, right?
No.
Because here’s the thing. We don’t like sex and we don’t like masturbating; we like orgasms. You know who rarely gets one of those with a one night stand? Women. So I had two options when the dance floor Romeo tried to take me home. I could go with him, spend ten minutes (optimistic) with some sweaty stranger flopping on top of me, risk an STI/pregnancy, and more than likely not even get off. Or I could go home, do the damn job myself, and actually be guaranteed a risk-free orgasm.
Seriously. It is straight up depressing how much harder it is for women to finish. In fact, the average woman will only orgasm in somewhere near 30% of her sexual encounters. With those kinds of odds, it’s just not worth the effort, risk, and walk of shame.
This debate over sex drives between genders had me thinking of my past relationships. Namely, the first boyfriend to consistently get me off. This dude’s dick had me hypnotized. I can’t even count how many times I would be bored and daydream in class, only to realize I was thinking about what I wanted him to do to me later. Suddenly, I’m stuck in Accounting 205, wetter than a submarine with screen doors.
We fucked like bunnies for a glorious year before our lives went in separate directions. Seriously, I would jump this guys bones at every opportunity, and he always commented on how great it was that I had such a high sex drive. The boyfriend before him never said anything like this. He also couldn’t get me off if I hopped up on a sybian and handed him the remote, so any time he tried to put the moves on, I just wasn’t in the mood.
This isn’t meant to rip into the sexual prowess of every male out there. It’s not your fault that it’s so much harder for us ladies to hit that golden finish line, and many of you are great at getting us there. But don’t act like it’s some defect of ours that we’re less inclined to have sex when that sex so often ends without the fireworks show we all paid to see. If you want more girls to start going home with you, do your part. Make sure she has a good time, for the good of casual encounters everywhere..
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My takeaway from this is women just need to go home with 3x as many guys to break even. You gotta play to win.
But if I can be real for a minute, the real reason she didn’t go home with me is because I’m a bit overweight and not particularly attractive. PGP.
Is that you or the liquor talking Mr. Lahey?
I love this logic. “You want a girl to go home with you? Do your part and get her off” Aaaannnddd how exactly is that accomplished if you don’t go home with them in the first place?
I’m a female and I agree with this. I can see why many girls would want to use this as their “logic” to not go home with a guy, but for me it honestly doesn’t factor into my decision. It seems unfair to assume that if you don’t even give the guy a chance. I have a whole host of other reasons why I won’t go home with a guy that are a little more valid. But to each their own, I guess.
I’m not applying this to each individual guy and situation. I’m just saying that, overall, ladies would be way more likely to go home with you if our one night stands had been successful in the past. Often they’re not, and until this starts changing, neither will the likelihood of us leaving with you.
So am I supposed to adjust the “wanna get outta here” to “if we get outta here I promise you’ll get off” ?? I could have a tongue like gene Simmons but there’s no way I can express how I’d be more caring of your needs than the other dickheads @ the bar
Hey it’s no problem for me, I’m out of the dating pool. I’m just saying there is some flawed logic behind telling a group of people they have a problem and then not offering a chance to fix that problem. it takes working on both sides.
That still doesn’t make a shit load of sense. Like you said earlier, some of us do know what we’re doing, but if you refuse our offer simply because of guys in the past, you’re calling us out before we even get in the batter’s box.
Orgasm is a race and I always win.
You could always teach them. Or complain about it. Only one of those things leads to an ORGASM.
They amount that women complain about petty shit makes me think that is how they achieve orgasm.
Great insights. This could be another reason why girls consistently want relationships. Among my exes, there is a strong correlation between how often they’d want to bang and how easily I could get them off.
That said, you didn’t mention that being labeled as slut was another reason she didn’t go home with you. Last thing she needs is 10 girls silently, albeit unfairly, judging her at brunch the next morning.
TGDAG: Low-Key Judge Alex for Being a Slut
When I was single I regularly had orgasms with casuals fucks/one night stands. For starters you obviously need be mindful and selective of who you’re taking home–it should not be some dude you met on the dance floor and your main interaction has just been rubbing your ass against his boner. I brought home guys I had a connection with, that were appealing in multiple ways. If you’re having fun and genuinely like each other it’s probably because he’s a cool, decent person, which means your orgasm will be just as important as his. If he’s not of this mindset, best believe it’s your right and responsibility to let him know you’re still waiting for your O.
I also wasn’t just looking for an orgasm, I was looking for the whole experience of sex. I can have an orgasm on my own, but there’s a lot of other things I can’t, or won’t do to myself.
I think I’m picking up what you’re laying down…sup?
You didn’t really answer why a one night stand is less likely to get you off than a relationship, when you said you were in a relationship where the guy couldn’t deliver.
I’m guessing the emotion connection?
So you don’t like sex but you like orgasms? Kind of putting the cart before the horse here.
Honestly as a woman, this is primarily the reason I was rarely interested in one night stands when I was single. There’s less incentive for us – men have a 90% chance of orgasm, for us it’s far lower than that. The argument that we shouldn’t base it off past men or that we can teach the guy is valid. However, it’s difficult to teach someone successfully in one go, and how much effort is the guy really gonna put forth if he’s not planning to actually date the girl?
Ghosted.