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I’m not a big fan of Reddit, just because I don’t know how to maneuver through all the pages. Gah, I bet that sounded like something an old man would say. Either way, someone will occasionally send me a Reddit thread that is worth sharing with other people. This is one of those threads.
It’s a little old, but it’s making the internet rounds today. It’s a post from AskReddit, and the prompt is simple: What is the worst thing guys have said to girls after having sex?
Get ready to cringe, because some of these are awful.
From Reddit:
he went a little too far choking me and I blacked out for a couple seconds. It was okay, whatever we got over it, we laughed about it. But then when we were finished he said “even if you died just there I wouldnt have stopped fucking your body till i was finished” ……. ……………. …. Ok
Yikes.
“Have you ever thought about shaving your butt hair?”
Way to ease into that conversation, chief.
He’d just finished and I hadn’t, he rolled over and said: ‘you know my ex always used to orgasm 10 times’ What do you say to that?
Bringing up an ex when you and your partner are butt-ass naked is never the right play.
“Do you think I should wipe my butt better? Could you smell it? I figured since we were naked you maybe could.”
Jesus Christ, dude. Keep that one in your head.
He was looking at me and said “You know, I wanted to keep doing this regularly but you reeeeeally look alot like my sister.. I know that is so creepy and I’m sorry.. pause I’m sure we could work around it though.”
Incest fetish? I can dig it.
The first time I had sex with my husband, I felt like my vag was dilated because I was so horny. I blurted out “Fuck me, I’m gaping.” 3 years later and he still makes fun of me.
“Fuck me, I’m gaping,” is the least hot thing any woman has ever said.
“I’m really not that into black girls usually. I mean, let’s be honest: I’m probably just attracted to your white half.”
I’m mixed-race. He literally made comments about my ethnicity the entire time we were hooking up.
Probably best to leave your racist thoughts at the door before having sex with someone who you would offend.
I’d hooked up with this guy a few times before. I gave him a blowjob, I swallowed, assuming at this point, we’re kinda close. No big deal. IMMEDIATELY after I swallowed, he looked at me and said, “That’s disgusting”.
I told him that was the worst possible thing he could say to a woman that just generously serviced him, and sent him out of my apartment before he even put his socks on.
I can’t knock this one because I have said the exact same thing before. Thank God my girlfriend has a sense of humor.
When I turned over for doggy he said he didn’t know how to do it, and that I should flip on back onto my back and just lay there..ehh
Just turn all the way over and leave.
“Your asshole has gotten hairy since you’ve been pregnant.”
I was 30 weeks pregnant, and he said this literally 10 seconds after sex was finished.
This seems like a good way to die.
I farted while we were doing it. It was a full bodied fart too. He was on top and there was a fan on. I felt mortified. His nonchalant response was: *sniff sniff “smells like ham”
….
A very religious fellow, we we’re like 19. It was his first time. He go up and I quote, ” I wish that would have never of happened.” and he left.
Now mind you, the sex wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad either. I think he was upset that his hormones got the best of him and he cashed in his V-card on a girl who he wasn’t married to.
The religious ones are always the toughest to crack.
I think a good general rule of thumb is: No talking after sex. There is almost nothing you can say that doesn’t sound completely ridiculous. Just bask in your sex glory and move on from the situation. If you say something you think will sound “hot,” you’ll probably end up sounding like an idiot. If you try and critique a chick on her sex technique, you will most certainly be shown the door.
Enjoy the moment without letting your big, stupid mouth ruin it..
[via Reddit]
Image via Unsplash
Respond
Doesn’t matter had sex
“So how much do I owe you?” Usually produced entertaining results.
The clear go to is “do you need cab fare?”
Shake weight, you really aren’t workout equipment at all, are you?
When she says “round 2?” after you feel like you’ve just finished an Ironman. PGP.
I usually stick with a, “sorry about that…” after clear disappointment.
Worst thing you can actually say: “I love you.”
Not as bad as “I love you too?” though.
Ham guy is a man’s man.
After the clear embarrassment at her recent decisions, just pat her on the butt and say “good hustle out there, take a knee.”
I’m usually able to contain my laughter at work when reading this site… not after the hairy asshole and ham comments.
“That was my first time”