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I was recently perusing the site and catching up on the day’s blogs when I stumbled upon this week’s mailbag. A female reader asked Dillon about Bumble openers, and I was absolutely flabbergasted by Dillon’s response. Borderline appalling, actually.
Dillon’s response? “It doesn’t matter. ‘Hey’ is enough. On Bumble, since the girl has to initiate the conversation, doing so is all the guy needs. There shouldn’t be any pressure for this reason.” BAHAHAHAHA. Yo Dill, you cannot be serious, right? Like, I’m looking for someone to take on a date, to spend my valuable minutes with, my hard earned dollars on, and I’m going to decide to take the girl who’s best crack at an opener is “hey.” Are we thinking straight here? Like I’m borderline about to recommend a neurologist because there’s some serious CTE type shit happening in that brain of yours.
Even if you’re a certified rocket ship, a lady so blessed in the looks department that Instagram followers are more bountiful than yellow cabs in NYC, you can’t just fall back on “hey.” I stand by this. If I’m looking for a girlfriend, I need somebody more interesting than “hey.” Like, where do you expect a conversation to go if you just say “hey.” I bet 99% of all Bumble conversations that start with “hey” read like an AIM convo from the seventh grade:
The very first message to a dude on Bumble is your elevator pitch. It’s your fifteen seconds to get the TV executive’s attention. Your Shark Tank moment. You have to get my attention. Simply saying “hey” or “what’s up” or “how was your weekend?” is just not going to cut it.
I know that when I have to be the one to message first, as a short, average-looking dude, I know I have to stand out. I’m not going to come with “hey.” I’m coming in with my best fastball. Something you may never have ever seen before. Something thought-provoking, something hilarious, or something downright nuts. Because I know you’re getting thousands, maybe even hundreds, of messages from so many dudes. I have to stand out.
Guys are getting way fewer messages than girls are, yes. But, why do you think you can get away with “what’s up.” That conversation, 11/10 times, is not going to go anywhere. The conversation stalls completely. He’ll say he’s just chilling, or some bullshit, and you never really get anywhere. Even if you’re Bella Hadid, this guy will be bored of you. And if he’s not quite sure if he thinks you’re actually cute or not? You’re dead on arrival.
However, let’s say I’m not yet sold on your cuteness. If you come in with an absolute thunder factory opening line? I’m going to know that you’re a down ass chick who’s probably wicked fun to be around. Come in with a heater, something that’s going to blow me the fuck away.
I’ll leave the exact details up to you, but try and be original. And it can certainly be tailored to what you’re looking to get out of this potential love interest.
Are you just trying to smash? Well, start off the conversation being seductive, or outright naughty. Dude will know EXACTLY what’s up and if he’s down he’ll follow suit.
Example: You look pretty good in that pic of you on top of that boat. Imagine how good you’d look on top of me *smirk face*
Are you looking for a date? Try and start off the conversation by figuring out a way to steer the conversation towards talking about something like a bar or restaurant in your neighborhood you’ve wanted to try, and then you can ask him if he wants to go sometime.
Example: Marry, fuck, kill: dive bars, sushi restaurants, ice skating.
Then you can start talking about dive bars, for instance, and then bingo bango bongo, you ask him if he wants to grab a drink at one. This is SOOOOO much better than, “How was your weekend?” I can’t even begin to describe how much more refreshing it is to receive messages in those veins rather than getting the proverbial “hey.”
Happy Bumbling, ladies. .