We’re a weird people. Courtship used to be about subtlety, imagination, and patience. You’d have this one girl you were going steady with, you’d have sex whenever you both sorta mutually decided was the right time, and then things would go from there. Nowadays, the air is basically filled at all times with radio waves carrying flying pictures of dicks and pussies. At any given moment, some dude is posing his johnson with the perfect amount of natural light to complement the angle of his schlong, grinning to himself, thinking, “This is gonna be the one that’ll get ALL the Tinder chicks wet.” Not exactly Oscar Wilde, that guy. Assuming that we’ve all participated in sexting (yes you fucking have, you liar), the question that we really ought to be asking ourselves is, “Is this a good thing?”
In order to properly address this subject, I’ll divide sexting into three forms and give arguments for and against each.
1. Trading Flirtatious Questions
As old and mature as we think we are, in a lot of ways we haven’t really grown out of the middle school fascination that imagined games like Truth or Dare and 20 Questions. The pattern is always the same. Start texting with someone you don’t know yet and slowly escalate the sexual nature of the questions until you pop your head up and realize that you’re somehow talking about rimjobs now.
Pros: You find out a lot about a person by the way they answer certain questions. Every answer has a coded significance to it. Whether it’s how many people they’ve slept with, their thoughts on anal, or what their fantasies are, everything that’s revealed can be a window of insight into their personality and thus help you figure out whether they’re someone you’d actually like to pursue in a slightly more tactile way than text messaging.
Cons: People are full of shit. We’re not dumb, we know which answers the other person is looking for. People exaggerate or diminish the number of people they’ve slept with according to what they think the other person wants to hear. Girls talk about how much they LOVE giving head, and guys bullshit about how much effort they always put in when they’re having sex with a girl because they “want her to get off too.” Maybe it’s true and maybe it’s not, but it’s pretty tough to trust the answers of a person who you’ve just met and is actively trying to get you to like them. That’s a recipe for bullshit.
2. Sending Pic’s
Of course, at some point, lewd photographs are exchanged — semi-clothed and merely sensual at first, then naturally evolving into some seriously intense territory, depending on how adventurous you are and how many sex toys you’re comfortable with the other person knowing you own.
Pros: You get to see what the other person is working with. There’s nothing worse than seeing something you weren’t anticipating on a person’s naked body right before you’re about to bang. It might not even necessarily be a bad thing, just stuff you weren’t expecting. A lot of boobs look different than you’d assume once they’re out of the bra. Dicks take all sorts of dimensions and directions. Bodies are weird, people. Sure, the element of delight when you undress someone you’ve been wanting to sleep with for the first time is pretty great without prior knowledge, but going in knowing all the facts ain’t bad either.
Cons: The thrill is gone. Yeah, if you ever get around to doing it, it’s still a much better experience than looking at pictures, but all of the surprise is lost. But that’s not even my main gripe. The real issue is that the sending of pictures is so one-sided. Let’s face it, girls don’t want dick pics. Don’t argue with me, ladies, you know it’s true. The fact is, penises are just not all that aesthetically pleasing. And that’s fine! But it’s a weird power imbalance that one gender is just so much more turned on by visual stimulation than the other. Oh, some girls are still disagreeing with me that they don’t want dick pics? Fine, let’s talk about it. You’re not being turned on by the picture itself; what you like is the shared vulnerability. You could care less about the penis you’re looking at (I highly doubt you’re gonna spin the turntables looking at it later tonight), but the fact that you and the guy have both been vulnerable and showed each other your naked bodies IS a turn on. The problem is that once it’s been done once, it’s much less intriguing any subsequent times. Guys are ALWAYS down for new pic’s, new poses, and just generally more boobs. The gender flipside of that is, sadly, a case of diminishing returns. There are only so many angles you can use to show off your schlong and she doesn’t particularly want any of them anyway.
3. Outright Simulation Of Bangin’
Cybersex, the pioneers called it. Once upon a time, I thought this was a weird thing that only lonely people did in chat rooms where none of the girls were actually female and all of the sex acts were illegal in Tennessee. Perhaps that was once the case. However, it’s pretty commonplace to get to the “this is what I’d do to you” stage early on in a texting relationship.
Pros: You can tell a lot about someone’s experience by the way they talk and the things they choose. There’s only so much you can learn by watching porn and reading weird erotic fiction in your incognito tab. Some things are just a product of experience, and you can always tell the difference between someone who just read about a certain move or action and someone who’s been down in the trenches.
Cons: It gets old FAST. This was fun and exciting when you first tried it, but even when it’s with a new person, the thrill isn’t quite what it used to be. There are only so many different ways that a girl can “swirl her tongue around your shaft” before it becomes rote and unimaginative. And let’s face it, it ain’t the real thing.
So what do we do with all of this information? Is sexting a good thing or not, damn it?! Well I obviously don’t have the answer; otherwise I would’ve applied it to my own life already. Disappointing, I know. Maybe the answer isn’t really a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, but rather a simple acknowledgement of the cons and an application of moderation. Or maybe try not doing it with someone and see how that changes the way your relationship progresses. Actually, yeah, let’s try that. And by “let’s”, I really mean you guys. Try it out and report back. In the meantime, I’ve got some phallic fashion shots to take.