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I grew up like most kids. I loved my Legos and Nickelodeon. I loved playing Pokemon and eating Fruit by the Foot. Kickball was my life and I was always down to smear the kid holding the football. Also like most kids, I was afraid of the dark. But a lot of kids split on one particular thing: clowns. Some kids were deathly terrified, while others like me didn’t seem to care. It was just a clown, right?
My great uncle was a Shriner and I had seen him dressed up as a clown multiple times. I had been to the circus and to birthday parties. I had seen clowns at school festivals making balloon animals. Clowns never really phased me. Then as I grew older I saw It and Clownhouse and I soon had a slightly different perception of clowns. Party clowns and circus clowns were cool, but some assholes had to go and ruin it and make clowns horrifying.
To be honest, I don’t really think about clowns on a daily basis. Sometimes I see some on Twitter that I wish I could unsee.
I’m sorry, but if that thing smacked my girlfriend’s ass then I would probably nervously smile and try not to piss my pants. If I was carrying, then maybe my reaction would be a little different.
A month or two ago, some news stories started to pop up about clowns showing up at playgrounds across the south and trying to lure little kids into the woods. Then these altercations started to increase in frequency and location. Soon there were clowns all across the country. They went from freaking out kids at playgrounds to hanging out in abandoned parking lots to walking down roads at night. They’re following women home and standing outside their window begging them to “come outside and play.” These clowns are on jogging trails and other public areas. They’re carrying knives and chainsaws and whatever else they can freak people out with. One asshole near where I live was hanging out in a corn field just popping his head out and waving at cars as they drove by at night.
Mom, if you’re reading this, sorry in advance.
Fuck. That.
I’m not putting up with this clown bullshit. I have seen enough pictures, videos, and other posts on Facebook to know that these clowns are not fucking around. All they are trying to do is scare people. 2016 has been the worst year ever and these douche bags are trying to make it worse. We already have two clowns running for president, we don’t need any more on the streets. People are starting to fight back. One clown in Indiana is in critical condition because someone didn’t feel like putting up with his shit and shot him in the head.
Dear clowns: come the fuck at me. Please walk towards me. Run if you want. I don’t care. I don’t care about anything anymore. I have nothing to lose. I am buried beneath a mound of student loan debt, work stress, peer pressure, rude people, and all sorts of other bullshit. I am not scared of you. If you come running at me with a chainsaw, I am not running away. I am standing still. You won’t do anything. All you clowns are too scared to get in any sort of altercation and that’s why you hide under a mask.
So yes, all these clowns are scary. Yes, I don’t ever want to run into one. Yes, I will probably urinate myself. Yes, I probably should not engage with the clowns if I see any. Yes, I am a dumb redneck that doesn’t heed to common sense. Do I care? Not one bit. I’m not fucking around with these clowns..
Image via Shutterstock
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@delph_13
@gdelph13
gdelph
I’ll square up with a clown. Head on a swivel.
A clown made a bomb threat against a school here and it shut down for the day. The police department made a vague statement saying they probably wouldn’t shoot the clowns on sight, but in a way that made you think they’d almost definitely shoot the clowns on sight.
Just moved to Gainesville and found out they’re doing that here. I have my CWP and am not afraid to shoot it a clown that’s following me around. Fuck that shit.
Couldn’t you just call out the demons possessing the clowns?
There’s a special place in hell for those sons of bitches, and I would not give them the pleasure of being exorcised.
It’s been a Dem talking point for years but now I get to legitimately ask…. what DOES Jesus carry?
(2A supporter and budding gun enthusiast – seriously asking)
I thought he carried a shepherd staff, kind of like Gandalf or some shit
I’m going to guess Colt 45 Peacemaker
I’m not much for revolvers. 45 wise, my heart is set on a 1911. That’s gonna be a personal gift to myself in the future.
Put in the research on a 1911 so you get what you want, there are so many manufacturers, options, and price points that it can be a pain if you’re looking for one under about $1200. I probably wouldn’t get anything less than a Springfield TRP. If you do get a cheaper one, just don’t shoot the more expensive ones to avoid disappointment.
Walther PPS M2. I also have a Ruger 9E at home for home defense. Both 9mm.
You see, I have the problem of deciding what to shoot the clown with, not whether I shoot it or not.
damn, bruh… I didn’t know PGP would let you link to porn like that
Man, don’t fuck with Jesus.
Hey Jesus I just moved to Gainesville too!
Praise be! Come to mass with me and join in splendid community! Also, I need a co-op friend to help me with these fucking clowns!
Come out with us if you need friends outside of the chapel! PGP always welcome.
Now I’m all hyped up and ready to hunt some fucking clowns, but instead I’m stuck working in a cube downtown. PGP.
#clownlivesdontmatter
There’s even been a few here in Texas the past week or so. I don’t these these crazy bastards realize how many of us have our license to carry.
A guy dressed up as a clown was attacked last night in Fort Worth. Walked up to a guy and said, “Wanna play a game?” Guy decked clown, is lucky guy didn’t have a CWP.
Reservoir HH this week.
What?
The Googles tells me this is a bar in Ft Worth. I be in Houston, but thanks for the invite and have fun.
There was a reported sighting of a clown last night on the campus I work at. If you have a CHL you can carry on our campus now and honestly I’m surprised that idiot wasn’t shot.
I don’t really have a strong opinion on clowns in general. But these people are the worst. It’s one thing to stand around being creepy (still dumb as hell), but the following people home (specifically women) and approaching people’s personal space is a bridge too far. Same shit goes for these YouTube prank “comedians” who like, pie random people in face at the mall. Some stranger tries to put their hands on me or a friend, they’re very obviously trying to catch this fade.
I will fucking shoot any of these fucking clowns on sight
I remember a kid doing this back on campus one year. Hanging out in parking lots. Following people home from parties. Eventually, he got suspended for a semester because he scared an anxiety riddled freshman so bad she had a panic attack and left the university. Fuck clowns.
I’m not sure what’s more surprising, the clowns thinking they wouldn’t be getting merc’d or the lack of a certain Happy Gilmore gif in the comments.