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Remember your first night in the dorms? Somewhere in between taking down half a bottle of Smirnoff and the RA guilting you into a lame ass game of freeze tag, you probably met someone worth remembering. For some reason, you two just clicked. For the next 4 (or 6ish) years, you knew you could count on him to swipe you in for meals, anchor your intramural dodgeball team, and let you borrow his graphing calculator for that statistics final junior year.
Maybe today they’re slated to be a groomsman at your wedding. Or maybe they were just the least weird of all the goobers on your floor. Regardless, you found your “ride-or-die”, and that’s not something you just forget about.
In my own experience, I found a whole house of ride-or-dies when I pledged a fraternity. To this day, I have a solid core of guys from the house that I still make a point to talk with at least every couple of days. Pair this group up with my childhood buddies, and I’ve got myself a solid support system of friends in my young life. We meet up for wild weekends when we can, roast each other in the group chat, and mix in the occasional Sunday night phone call when we’re feeling serious or chirping about the week’s fantasy match-up.
The thing is, I’m satisfied. I have enough friends and simply no need for more. Sure, work affords me the chance to network, but the people I meet there will never be more than just acquaintances. You don’t crap where you eat, ya know? I’m over the rah-rah ordeal of trying to find meaningful friendships for the rest of my life.
The idea of showing up blindly to some happy hour by myself sounds exhausting. After a full day of work, the last thing I want to do is take in some stranger’s Colin Kaepernick hot take as I anxiously take down a pitcher of Miller by myself. And forget about trying to buddy up at my apartment complex. I’ll just stick with the soft smile and stoic head nod in passing on the stairwell, thank you very much.
I’ve heard friendships happen once you establish common interests. In college, it was easier when most people just wanted to catch a buzz and dance to “Party Rock Anthem.” In the real world the waters are muddier. Trying to find crossover between work schedules, marital status, and out of work hobbies is a challenge and I’m not so sure I’m up to the task. Even the people I small talk with at the gym everyday are just filler in the grand scheme of things. It’s just hollow conversation, skin deep and just polite enough to let others know that I have a soul.
Please don’t get any ideas that I’m some scrooge. I like to think I’m pretty outgoing though I’m definitely an introvert. I like people but a lot of the time they just tire me out. Am I off base on all this? Is it really worth trying to force new friendships once you have a core of keepers? I recently relocated for work, and I had to leave some newish friends behind. Maybe I’m just bitter?
Talk to me, Goose. What has worked for you? Have you had luck making new friends as a 20-something? Is it worth it at this point? Let’s hear it. .
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@BOATSnJOES
I don’t agree with this. I think closing yourself off to making new friends is selfish because you might be closing off friendship to someone who doesn’t have any. This is another reason why I don’t like millennials who don’t make any more friends after they graduate because they’ve had the same friends through college into their careers. I get having those friends from college and high school, I’m actually roommates with my high school buddy now, but now making friends all together because you “have enough” is ridiculous and doesn’t take into account a person you might meet who could be a better friend than any of your “frat bros.” I have my frat bros, but I also have my friends that I’ve made (who to be honest are better than my frat bros) because I’ve established who I am now and have made friends that appeal to who I am now. If I just said “yea I’m good” I wouldn’t have the opportunities I have now.
If I didn’t go make new friends I wouldn’t have any. Nobody from high school or college are in my city so I’ve had to resort to Meetup events and walking up to groups at bars, both have which have introduced me to some incredible people.
I play racquetball with some random people from a meetup and have made friends through my church. Those are some good friends who are better than my roommate, who I’ve discovered doesn’t clean the pan (my pan) after he’s done using it.
If you’re an introvert make as many friends now as possible. Once you meet a special lady friend and get married it only becomes more difficult to meet new people since it’s so easy to stay in your your comfort zone with said lady. Source: married introvert who lives far away from his hometown and college town.
Rico, you know you’re always welcome to come visit my cardboard box in Austin (read: I have an actual house) and go paddle boarding and shoot some shit.
That’s exactly what a person who doesn’t have a home would say…..
Regardless of what you say, I am king of my castle.
Can I be one of your disciples?
“If you remain in my word, you will truly be my disciple, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” – John 8:31-32; but he left how you’ll got bomb ass chicks and basically free booze at any bar.
I like this take. I think I’d be making a huge mistake not opening up myself to new opportunities with cool people I haven’t met yet. I’m still figuring out who I am, so I’m excited fir the chance to make new friends that complement the changes in my mindset, priorities, and day to day life as I get older and better understand myself.
Yeah, but there’s only so many times you can snap or text your buddies back home without feeling a little lonely and wistful. To be fair, I just moved to a new city and I’m having some childhood flashbacks.
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I moved to Atlanta from the Midwest in March and didn’t know a single person here. You hit the nail on the head. And when your friends visit it actually makes you miss them a lot more.
Hey man, fellow Atlantan here. Hope you’re enjoying the city!
I have plenty of friends from Greek life, classes, sports, high school, etc.
However, I think evolving and expanding my social circle has helped me develop as a person. As an extrovert, I don’t think I’ll ever understand the “No New Friends” trend.
I’m extroverted as well, and whenever I walk into a public establishment my immediate thought is “friends (disciples) everywhere!”
I will willingly toss out “no new friends” in Instagram captions for the likes, but it couldn’t be further from the truth.
Me at 24: “I have a really great number of friends from high school and college. I don’t think I really need anymore. Oh, someone just got engaged? That’s great news, and I’m sure they’ll still be able to hang out all the time!”
Me at 29: “well… shit.”
Who the hell takes Stats their Junior year?
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I relocated for a job 4 months ago from a huge city to a small sleepy city. I’m bored out of my mind and I have a hellish work schedule. Meeting people is hard
I think a lot of this is determined by if you’re an introvert or an extrovert. As an introvert, I never try to hang out with co workers or neighbors, although my extrovert roommate does all the time. I already have a few different friend groups and the only new friends I make are through my already existing friends. Although, if I have to move to a new city, I’m fucked.
I’m coming to grips with the fact that I’m introverted. I like people; they just wear me out. It’s exhausting for me to get pysched up and just go randomly try to make friends. I need to step out of that comfort zone.
Feel this. I was the only one from college to move to the East Coast and then I moved to London. It was insanely hard as introvert to get out there and make new friends.
Agree. It is harder for introverts to make new friends because we aren’t willing to have people around just for the sake of having people around. I’m exhausted by how many tedious interactions go into forming friendships in the adult world and it just doesn’t seem worth it.
This is true except when your friends turn into lameos and you have to make new friends