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When I was in college, a fraternity friend of mine got a terrible call. He had gone home a few weeks prior and knocked boots with an ex; I guess she thought she was pregnant and let him know. Unfortunately for him, he was hammered when he got the news. One thing led to another, and he was in tears listening to Bowie’s “Changes” on repeat crying about being a father. Luckily, he didn’t have to turn and face the strange as it was just a scare. But, for that short time, we all came together to support a good friend in need.
Change is inevitable. I live behind a cemetery. More often than not, someone’s grandma is getting buried when I’m taking my morning growler after a night of drinking. I feel voyeuristic watching people pay respects to their loved one. Sometimes there are only a few people in attendance, other times there is a cavalcade. There are people laid to rest there from the mid-1800s through the present day. While I sit on the can reflecting, knowing that a few days ago this person was alive, I think about their loved ones and how it changes a dynamic of said person’s circle of influence. It makes you think about how these people lived and loved, made mistakes, and had great achievements, but also that with or without them the sun will rise the next day. I usually finish off thinking, “This is pretty heavy for a bowel movement.”
I have to be straight up honest: I am afraid of change. Whether it is death, a new job, moving, or a new car, I’m not really a big fan of it. I haven’t written all that much in the last few months or so and my frequency has slipped. Life has been happening and quite honestly, writing has always been the place I could hash out what is going on to find meaning in this crazy existence. Without this, I’ve spent a lot of time in my own head.
I’ve been writing for PGP for over three years. Writing has been cathartic for me and something that has become part of who I am. But, like many, there’s a lot of self-doubt. Am I running out of things to say? Do people even enjoy reading what I write? Would people care if I stopped writing? My stuff is quite different than a lot of what is featured on PGP, but the thoughts in my head that maybe I’m coming off whiny, boring, or overused still give me reminders that maybe it’s not good enough. I’ve often thought about hanging it up. Please don’t take this as me needing validation; these are merely racing thoughts that run their progressions in my head. Having an avenue to channel my creative spirit — if you could call it that — has been some of the best medicine to get over the idle thoughts.
As I’ve gotten older, change has come whether I wanted it to or not. Even though I’ve technically been a postgrad for six years, I don’t know if I am any better or worse at it. I used to see a lot of my friends on a weekly basis. Now, we struggle to find a weekend a year during which we can enjoy each other’s company. I’ve written at length about this because dealing with change has been one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced. Many have moved away. Others have kids and are in a different place in their lives. I remember growing up, many of my parent’s best friends were who they saw because my brother and I played sports. I’m afraid of this being my future and that I will be left out. It’s not so much fear of unknown but rather “I enjoy what’s going on now, and I don’t want it to end.” Like Andy Bernard said, “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”
Change isn’t bad; it is the natural progression of life. But that doesn’t make it any easier to accept. What were once mainstays in my life are now memories. Things that were foundational to my being are now discarded ideas from a simpler time. Places I used to feel were in my element are now places I avoid. In college, I could be ready for bed and a buddy would knock on the door and ask, “You ready to roll?” Now, rather than rattling sabers and sending the troops back onto the field, I often say, “I’m too tired for this shit” and stay home. The funny part is, even the asking to go out has gone down.
You ever go to a place that has had a seminal moment at some point in history? I’ve spent some good time at Harpers Ferry, hiking and visiting. It was the site of John Brown’s raid, a catalyst for the Civil War. There’s an air about it; you can taste that something happened there of great importance. Now it’s a national park. Things change, places change and people change. Just when you think you get your feet set, the Terry Tate Office Linebacker that is life brings the pain train right up in your ass..
Respond
Madoff
I specialize in damage control, being the drunkest at any and all functions and social assassination. Always appreciate a strong gif game. Follow me on Twitter. Sometimes I put up cool stuff about golfing at the local dirt tracks.
@BLMInvestment
Watching your parents age and realizing they are not, in fact, immortal has been a tough change for me post-grad, but I try and make the time I do spend with them as meaningful as I can, so I guess there is a positive to change.
This. I remember as a freshman coming home from college for the first time, and being shocked at how suddenly it seemed like my parents had aged. It was a change I never noticed in my first 18 years growing up, but something that seems to be more and more obvious now as a post grad.
I have to read obituaries of our members in my job and when some passes away that’s the same age or even younger than my parents, it kills me. I can’t imagine losing them now- or ever.
Right in the feels. Yeah, I second this.
You are the most relatable writer to me on PGP. Thank you for keep on keepin on.
This article was, in fact, pretty heavy for a bowl movement. My best friend and his wife are expecting their first child and it made my more grateful for the weekend football watching we have and the summer golf trips. Keep writing, we will keep reading.
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. I’ve moved about 10 times in the last 6 years, had the family house burn down and lost all our pets and possessions, lived in 4 different cities and did it all on my own. Is it tough? Hell yeah brother. Try making new friends in a big city where you don’t know anyone, 4 times. But the growth I’ve received from those changes have shaped who I am today and I wouldn’t change any of it (wish my dogs were still alive though, but then again I wouldn’t have this new one.)
I’ve often wondered what normalcy is. For me, change has been normal. I’ve not lived in a city more than 6 months in the last 6 years. But to me that’s the new norm. Sometimes I envy those who have grown up in the same town, went off to college but then came back and there’s a sense of comfort. But then again if I did that I wouldn’t be who I am today and I look at some of those folks and am sort of sad they don’t experience the world like I have. There’s so much out there, change is good.
Sorry for the long-winded selfish post.
Tl;dr: Change is good, embrace it.
No doubt. Great perspective. Everyone starts and ends in a different place. I don’t mind change although it does stuck when you’re having fun and it ends. Reminds me of that Sugar Ray song….
Thank you for this, Madoff. Change is terrifying because stasis inherently feels “safe”. But stasis didn’t get us where we are today and it certainly won’t make us as individuals move forward. This is a great reminder. Never stop writing, man.
Madoff Forever
Ypu have a weird ability to mirror my exact inner dialog at the time. After the month long fog of a break up and project of work, I am staring into the prospect of zero obligations for the next few months and how to handle it. Thanks for some further introspection material.
Probably an overused phrase but “Change is the only constant in life” is one of the most accurate sayings even if it’s not always great to hear
Madoff, your pieces on here always hit closest to home for me, and I’ve always enjoyed reading them.
Change has been interesting for me and my group of friends; we’ve had friends move away, had one pass away, had one lose his father suddenly, and had friends start families. Some of us want(ed) kids, some of us don’t. The worst part is trying to get the ones that still live close by together – we used to hang out much more frequently, but now, it has to be an event to get everyone together – Friendsgiving, New Years Eve, or something like that. That’s been the hardest thing for me to try and accept, it used to be a simple text asking who wanted to go to Happy Hour and we’d have 6-8 of us show up at least. Now? It seems that if it hasn’t been planned a month or more in advance, it ain’t happening.
Reading this, however, has reminded me to embrace those times we do actually get together and try not to lament the fact that we can’t just hang out whenever. Thank you for that, and please don’t ever stop writing. We all need an outlet, and some people have a gift for reaching others with theirs.
The only thing tougher for me to accept over the post-grad years than change itself has been understanding what I can and cannot change. Keep on writing. More than ever, I think we need that different perspective.
I moved back to my hometown after graduation a few months ago. I’m living with the folks while I save up from a job I recently landed. I wouldn’t describe my hometown as a shell of its former self per se, but it’s different. As I go through life, it’s tough to ignore an increasing sense of change, distance and unfamiliarity. People move on with their lives, some people die, some people fade in to obscurity, some never leave. I suppose it’s just a necessary and unfortunate part of life. As a sentimental person, it’s definitely tough. Great article, man.
Definitely a heavy read on a Tuesday, I feel this. I’ve seen a decent amount of places throughout the country over the past couple years and moved far away from home for jobs. It’s been really interesting and I’ve learned a lot, but as I cycle through temporary friends and relationships, I can’t help but thinking that I’m on the outside of everyone else looking in, as everyone else moves on with their lives. Maybe it’s just because I grew up in a small town that I feel this way. Anyways, great piece.
I suck at change which is why I like to plan things 40 months in advance and then figure out what may take me off track. Some people call it overthinking but I’ve funneled these skills into a successful (so far) project management career.
Needed to hear this today. Thanks Madoff
Seeing your best friends go from high school and college to being in your life every day is very somber. I have two friends left I see on a regular basis. I know we get older and things change, just gotta make the most of it when you get the chance to turn the clock back for a weekend.
Name checks out.
So… do go back to your alma mater? @Will