If These NFL Quarterbacks Were Your Awful Coworkers

Calling All Fantasy Football Players

NFL quarterbacks have a pretty stressful job. Have you ever wondered where they would all be if it weren’t for the money, fame, and football? Here’s where I see them in the office.

Ryan Mallett – Everyone knows this guy. He is always late to work and doesn’t really seem to care. He finally got fired, which was a big mistake on his part, because he could have been the top guy in the office.

Johnny Manziel – This man got fired for doing cocaine in the bathroom, but you still check up on him every week to see how he’s doing because you know he has serious potential.

Eli Manning – Everyone loves his brother way more, even though he’s just as accomplished.

Peyton Manning – He was one of the funniest people you ever worked with, but he just retired to go run the local pizza place.

Brett Favre – This is the old guy who retires but keeps coming back to work a few months later.

Sam Bradford – This dude helps train the new grad in the office, but he knows the new grad is going to replace him really soon.

Tim Tebow – The guy who really sucks at his job but he is just so damn nice to everyone that everyone loves him.

Philip Rivers – Guy who kept getting promoted so he’d stop whining. Also can’t stop having kids.

Ryan Fitzpatrick – This is the dude that graduated Ivy League with a 4.0 but lacks some job skills and industry knowledge.

Tom Brady – This guy closes some serious deals, but everyone is always a little sketched out over how he closed said deals.

Tony Romo – You can always count on this guy to perform at a high capacity throughout the fiscal year, but when deadlines approach he completely caves.

Jay Cutler – The guy you’re not quite sure what his job actually is, nor does he. He doesn’t really seem to care about his job and brags about his hot wife all the time.

Ben Roethlisberger – The guy you never want anywhere near your daughter, ever. Don’t even mention you have a daughter.

Kirk Cousins – Every time he closes a deal, he makes sure everyone in the office knows. Even though they are always mediocre deals, he still wants to know if you like that.

Jameis Winston – He’s kind of an idiot, he harasses the receptionist, and he always steals food from the kitchen, but he is pretty good at his job.

Mike Vick – This guy used to be really good at closing deals, and then he got into some trouble with the law. He came back once he got out of jail, but other than a couple huge deals here and there, he’s just not the same.

Colin Kaepernick – He’s the handy man your office calls when something breaks, but you try not to because he’s not great at his job and always reeks of Newports.

Russell Wilson – It took him a while to find this job, but he’s damn good at it. He always tries to preach success to everyone in the office, but he exaggerates a lot. His wife was born with a dick.

Matt Stafford – This guy produces. He usually carries his whole office on his shoulders, and they consistently finish at the bottom of the region. His wife is even hotter than Jay’s.

Tyrod Taylor – Everyone thought he would suck at his job, but he patiently learned under an elite deal slinger, and now he’s taken over his own office.

Joe Flacco – This dude makes hella dough and closes hella deals. He’s elite.

Marcus Mariota – He’s really good at his job, but unfortunately his office is falling apart. One day it will collapse entirely and he will be lost in the rubble.

Andy Dalton – The stupid ginger that always crumbles when deadlines come.

Image via Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock

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I'm just a cultured redneck that coaches hoops and loves Dale Earnhardt.

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