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Eighteen.
That’s the number of people who have either left for better jobs or gotten fired in the year and a half that I’ve been at my small company. Our Glassdoor page reads like the first draft of a Comedy Central roast. The turnover rate is so high that I now actively avoid getting to know the new hires since there’s a good chance they’ll be gone before October. Sometimes I go to a park two blocks away and look at dogs for half an hour to avoid doing real work.
To be blunt, I hate my job and everyone here. Except Carl. Carl’s cool.
There are advantages. My manager works from home three days a week. Sometimes I leave 20 minutes early. Nobody gives a shit.
I changed my schedule so now I work 8:00-4:00 every day. I usually get in at 7:45. Then I play NBA Jam online for 45 minutes before checking my email and starting work. When other people arrive, I acknowledge their existence with a nod, plug my headphones into my work station, and continue playing NBA Jam online. Sometimes Carl and I talk about the Premier League. These are the only conversations in my day that give me joy.
Two weeks ago, I got yelled at for entering a conversation about breakfast cereals “too aggressively.” I’m sorry I like Cinnamon Toast Crunch more than I like any of the actual people here.
All of my work assignments are massive and usually take days to complete. This gives me ample time to not give a shit. Not giving a shit usually consists of throwing my resume into the void on Indeed, bullshitting on Twitter, hoping I get more freelance writing work from my company, and going on PGP to see if they finally published Nived instead of another Reddit list.
The days pass with mechanical efficiency. I know at some point I’ll find something better. But deep down, I don’t want to leave Carl behind..
Image via Shutterstock
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Parker Jammstein
Stand-up comic. Soccer nerd. Water polo enthusiast. Eater of burritos. NY/NJ.
That feeling when you don’t post Reddit lists but get no love
You’re a goddamned gem. Never forget that.
Psh you get both published and loved.
*raised fist emoji*
I appreciate the support, everyone. I’ll keep trying to get a column on here. I’ve been slacking with the content as of late though.
I hope PGP has job openings coming soon because after learning about the NBA Jams game, I’m 100% getting fired from my job now.
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/TkVjkvaeFnQ/hqdefault.jpg
At this point they’re just trolling Nived with the amount of references to him in published columns.
I have nothing but respect for the guy.
Getting yelled at for entering a conversation about breakfast cereals “too aggressively.” PGP.
The guy in the article image having better shoes than me. PGP.
Those are cowboy boots and they cost a hell of a lot more than whatever’s on your feet right now. My feet too. 🙁
The apathy is strong with this one. I like it. Your company doesn’t give 2 shits about you, so why would you care about work? Just gotta do enough to not get fired.
The Office Space motto
Minimum pieces of flair. PGP.
Carl is probably trying to gtfo of there too
8:00-4:00 is the way to go.
I didn’t think it would be that much of a difference but holy shit the commute home is so much better.
Oddly enough in the city where I work 8-4 is a fairly common schedule for a lot of people. As a result it creates a really weird rush hour that starts earlier than you would expect and is over by 6.
How is 8 – 4 a thing? You only work 7 hours per day?
That’s 8 hours
I work a 600-230. It’s a little on the early side, but you have so much free time after work.
I’m 8-4 too and love it, especially in DC. Flex schedules are the best.
A fellow follower of Nived i see….but this nba jam so can you post the addy for it.
http://www.playretrogames.com/1804-nba-jam
Mario Kart is about to get some serious playtime.
Although I respect your apathy, I actually like busier days at work only because the time goes by much faster.
A buddy recently told me his step father, when working as a big shot at a MAJOR local university, got tired of the job. He’d go to the library and spend all day reading, waiting for someone to say or do something. They never did. He was making 6 figures as well. To read all day. Amazing.
That is the dream.