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I Hosted A Dinner Party And It Was Fucking Awesome

I Hosted a Dinner Party Tonight and It Was Fucking Awesome

I love having people over. I literally love inviting friends over to my house. I am constantly vacuuming with my new Dyson and dusting surfaces that no one ever looks at in preparation for people showing up to my home unannounced.

First off, that never happens. No one shows up unannounced except for the two Jehovah’s Witness ladies in my neighborhood who should absolutely know by now that I am hungover and angry literally every Sunday. But here’s the thing. Anyone who has room enough to host a dinner party: Get off your ass and fucking do it.

I don’t care if you don’t cook. I don’t care if you don’t have a huge space. Dinner parties are the literal shit.

Let me ask you three questions.

(1) Do you like to eat food and drink alcohol with your friends?
(2) Do you like to eat that food and drink that alcohol and then walk to your bedroom to sleep for the night?
(3) Do you like to spend less than $75-$100 per night of the weekend?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, then the dinner party might be your new best friend.

There are so many reasons to host a dinner party. First of all, you can get hammered as a nail at your own home and never leave. For real cheap. Drink all the cocktails or glasses of wine that you prefer, and crawl to your room at the end of the night to blackout-watch Curb Your Enthusiasm and then have to repeat episodes next weekend. It is a beautiful cycle.

Secondly, you’ll be saving money. You’ll be preserving your dignity. The only people showing up to your dinner table will be the ones you invited. If you want to tie one on and act like a fucking fool, then go for it. You trust these people. You invited them! If they haven’t seen you drunkenly quote Borat by now, then they never will.

Dinner parties are casual. People show up wanting to have a nice meal and drink some wine and chat. Well, within two hours, everybody is yelling about how fucking amazing my fantasy football team is and how they wish they could have been as aware during their drafts as I was. Admittedly, my draft comes from my 10-year-old brother who understands professional sports 2000% more than I ever could. He also supports the Va Jay Jay Cutler name. Regardless, we are ready to take it to the house this season.

I have very much digressed from the point of this column. My point is this: Dinner parties are fun. They’re generally very casual. They’re not extremely stressful. People show up with food and alcohol and then everyone hangs out. I literally had everyone’s place set at the table. I had chilled spoons and bowls in the freezer for dessert.

I will say, that tonight, my friends showed up because I promised a Chrissy Teigen-special with some booze and no judgment. Luckily, they gave it at least a 7.8 and are willing to try again next week. Let’s shoot higher than Chipotle and aim for no salmonella.

Dinner parties for life. Game on.

Image via Shutterstock

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Taylor

Texas native and Alabama grad with a Drake problem.

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