I Have A Baby Face And I Use It To Manipulate My Entire Office

I Have A Baby Face And I Use It To Manipulate My Entire Office

Since I was old enough to speak, I’ve been trying to convince people I’m older than I am. This is partially due to the fact that when you’re a kid, being older is fun because you get to do more stuff, like stay up past eight, and partially due to the fact that people always seemed to think I was younger than I was in reality. This was a trend that continued throughout what my mother refers to as my Ugly Betty years, aka puberty, and on into high school and college. I was getting gas the other day and a complete stranger asked if I was old enough to be driving. I totally get being carded at every bar I go to, because that’s what bars do, but seriously? The guy didn’t think I could even be sixteen. It’s even worse in the office because while I actually am one of the youngest people at the company, my coworkers will still double check if I’m old enough to go to happy hour, which I am. It can be embarrassing, having this issue happen over and over again, but I know exactly why it does.

I have what’s generally referred to as a baby face. I have a face that’s round with big cheeks and big eyes, basically. I used to be convinced that the face I was cursed with was going to be nothing but an annoyance until I hit my forties, when it would be nice because I’ll look younger than all the other MILFs. But ever since I started working, I’ve been making it work for me.

What I’ve realized is that having a baby face is useful because it makes people trust you. My coworkers tell me things they would never even consider spilling under normal circumstances because of my face’s misleading appearance of trustworthiness and vulnerability. I have a naturally innocent-looking face, and I do nothing but use it to my absolute advantage to manipulate other people. I’m an absolute pro at keeping secrets until it would benefit me to tell someone, but somehow I always manage to escape being blamed when the truth comes out. My bosses have promoted me since I started at my company partially because I’m capable, but mostly because I said I would be good at something and they trusted me. There might be way more physical evidence that someone else would be better at it than me, but they didn’t have a baby face, and they lost out.

Having this type of look makes it seem like people would be less likely to give me more responsibility, or think I’m not equipped to handle a higher amount of stress since I have the face of an infant, but it doesn’t seem to translate in that direction. It just makes it really difficult to yell at me, or blame me for anything, really. I look about as guilty as, well, an innocent baby, and that makes it impossible to pin things on me, which is perfect for my preferred method of working which involves doing just barely less than necessary to skate by on a daily basis. Here I am, sitting in the office and writing this up right now, and not one person has asked me yet about all the shit I should’ve gotten done today. I give all the credit to the baby face for making it possible.

Image via Shutterstock

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Rory Gilmore

Rory Gilmore on the outside. Emily Gilmore on the inside. Email me funny shit at

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