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The lines seem easy. The spread looks like cake. The under is a straight gimme. I take them all. Those idiots in Vegas are just trying to give me free money. I can double up everything I have this weekend. Maybe I’ll jump into a parlay or two. Maybe I’ll hit up Five Guys on Monday to ball out with some of my winnings.
I mean that’s not terrible. I’m still pretty even for the most part. I can carry this into next weekend and just try again! Wait, these Monday Night Football lines look great. I’m jumping on that under with confidence. Might even take that money line too. We got this.
Deangelo Williams runs across the goal line with a minute left.
This is fine. Everything is fine. There’s another game and I have a lot of money. I’ll jump on some live betting to get back to where I was and then I can roll into next weekend with a big stack. Todd Gurley is +400 to score the first touchdown of the game? No one else in this game is even going to score a touchdown. I am jumping on that. I’ll throw everything I have left on that, quadruple it up, and then I’ll be sitting real nice. There’s no way anyone else scores. These scrubs are about to give me hundreds of dollars, what a bunch of idiots.
Carlos Hyde runs across the goal line and scores.
Why is my world crashing around me? I was supposed to make a bunch of money this weekend, not lose it all! How will I ever recover from this deficit? I’ve got all kinds of things I’m saving up for, but my dumbass is over here gambling all my money away on a bunch of large men in pads and helmets hitting the hell out of each other. Football was way more enjoyable when I didn’t have money involved.
I even bet against my own team Thursday night. I’ve loved this team for twenty years, through all the bad years and the Super Bowls and here I am. Seven months ago I cried tears of joy as we won a Super Bowl, and now I am actually cheering for Cam Newton. I need this cover. I need those extra twenty dollars. I’m not even happy that my team won the game because I lost the bet. This is what I deserve. This is where gambling has taken me.
Why do I even bet on football? Is it peer pressure? Is it because everyone on Twitter is talking about all the spreads and covers and I just want to feel included? Is it because I actually want to make money fast? Is it because I am bored with football and needed to spark it up? Is it because I’m a degenerate?
I just can’t decide if I want to continue. I know my girlfriend wants me to stop. I know my mom would kill me. I know I’m not very good at it. I’m an impulse guy. I don’t always think things through and if I see a good line I am jumping on it. Maybe I should take a break, do some research, touch base later on and re-approach with a new strategy. Maybe I should just stop and save myself the money and stress. If I quit now, I’ll avoid so much future heartbreak and angst. Okay, that’s it. I’ll give it up.
Wait, A&M is +3.5 Saturday? Fuck it, guess I’m making another deposit..
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