How To Make An Entry-Level Employee Quit In 10 Easy Steps


1. Hire an overly-qualified employee for the position.
Also, make false promises about growth and tell him he’ll get a raise after 90 days.

2. Offer no benefits to your new hire. 
Explain how two weeks (technically 10 days, not 14) of paid vacation is all he really needs. Health Insurance? Nah, you’re fresh out of college. No need for that.

3. Talk shit about former employees who lasted less than a year in front of your current employees.
Extra points: Your company is actually less than a year old when this happens.

4. Hold three hour staff meetings while getting absolutely nothing done.
Tell your employees in these meetings how much they suck at their jobs despite putting in 45 hours a week.

5. Do not pay overtime.
Hours are 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. and they get a 30 minute lunch break. Oh, and tell them to not even dare to leave at 5. Did they think for a second they were part-timers or something?

6. Change your new hire’s job responsibilities as you please.
Make him fully responsible for something he knows absolutely nothing about. Provide no training whatsoever–it’s his responsibility to know what he should be doing.

7. Praise the employee who does less and fucks up the most.
Especially the one who has big boobs and wears tights and short dresses 99 percent of the time.

8. If snow and ice are covering the roads, do not offer employees the option to work from home.
Make them stay until the work day is over. Icy roads? Whatever. Make fun of them for being worried about their pipes bursting in the freezing conditions.

9. Bombard them with emails and texts in caps on Saturday and Sunday nights.
Because why not?

10. Threaten to talk shit about this employee if he decides to quit.
Do it even if no one knows who you are or why your company exists.

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Mean Girls, Happy Hour and Brunch are my religion.

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