A Realistic Boyfriend Wish List


Men would be crazy to think that women don’t have a wish list of qualities they look for in a potential suitor and really, I’d like to think that the dudes do, too. Standards, people, standards. We’ve all naively, or at least drunkenly, lost sight of them at some point or another, but everyone should have at least some admirable criteria they’re in search of in a significant other. Hopefully, for both sexes, these lists go deeper than just physical features, because while “he/she is endowed/hawwtt/DTF, whatever” may be fine for someone you’re looking to travel with you on a one-way trip to #town, more should likely come into consideration if you’re looking a little farther down the road.

In the evolution of wish lists, the one you develop in adolescence consists of all the hype those princess movies brainwash daydreaming girl minds with. Then you get a little bit older and realize intrinsic values are important, too. Somewhere along the way I became skeptical of people who are too mainstream good-looking, even on paper. So for me, a guy who’s six foot five, rock-hard (muscles, that is; some other things are non-negotiable related to that adjective, no matter how you look), with the jawline of Brad Pitt, the suaveness of George Clooney, and a last name with the definition of “ass-tons of old money” if you wiki it just makes me wary. He may briefly get my attention, but I’m not trying to spend my time constantly fighting off thirsty whores either. So as I’ve aged and played the metaphorical field (read: mostly just acted as tribute in whatever relentless game is being played on said field), I’ve developed a more realistic idea of the kind of qualities a gentleman caller should possess, or at least, what they absolutely should fucking not. If I ever have to resort to eHarmony or some shit, I’ll just link the following and let it speak for itself.

Similar Interests

I don’t want to agree with every single thing my main man thinks, nor do I want us to have every interest in common. Without a little bit of diversity and civil debate, shit would get real old and boring real quick. However, some ideologies at least have to be in the same ballpark. For instance, if I’m a classic rock aficionado and you don’t even remotely appreciate real music, I’m not sure we’d even be very good friends, let alone lovers. Politics are another sensitive subject. We don’t have to fully agree on every issue plaguing this effed up world of ours, but I can guarantee you we won’t be hanging any “hope and change” posters on the wall any time soon…or ever.

A Dad Body

I’ve already stated that I’m not after a six-pack of abs, and not just because I’d hate to have to cut a bitch eyeing my man on chest day at the gym. I’m not trying to cuddle up next to a rock. When we curl up on the couch and I rest my head on my dude’s stomach, I don’t want a pillow to be necessary. Not to mention, I want the dad body from day one. That way I know exactly what I’m getting and he knows I’ve been happy with what’s been there since the first night I drunkenly ripped that polo off his back and he kicked his loafers off across the room.


Money is nice because it’s never fun to be poor. However, the only reason you sometimes see fewer large-asset divorces than the “Take your shit and I’m keeping the financed TV” variety is because the old adage “cheaper to keep her” (or him, depending on who the breadwinner is) is actually loaded with truth. I can deal with not rich — and “Can’t Buy Me Love” explains why — but I cannot deal with having zero ambition. Goals and a yearning to reach those goals are much more important for both individuals involved. If money comes with the attainment of such goals, that’s great; home girl appreciates a new Cadillac Escalade just as much as the next person.


This one is easy. Don’t cheat. In any way. Period. Or at least tell me before you do so I can peace out without having to schedule a corresponding doctor’s appointment.

Empathy and Humor

I don’t pretend to think that any person who spends a significant amount of time with me will intensely listen and care about every word that exits my mouth, though I definitely wouldn’t mind if they did. However, at least an attempt at empathetic concern goes a long way. Additionally, the ability to laugh with and at one another is key. If there’s one thing I’m amazing at, it’s being an idiot and laughing my ass off about it. One of these days, I hope to share funnies with someone besides my Twitter account.

Settling for the sake of not being perpetually single is something that personally scares the shit out of me. However, realism doesn’t mean settling. It means coming to terms with what’s most important. Oh yeah, and go #TeamDadBody!

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After stretching college out for 9 years, McMagistrate is now an attorney in her late-ish 20's who earned her title by embracing the stigma that accompanies a healthy partying habit. She enjoys showing off her sub-par golf game and pretending her impressive law school loan doesn't exist. You can likely find her on her patio, live-tweeting her wine binges, and concerning her neighbors.

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