How Are You Feeling Today? I Feel Pretty Terrible

How Are You Feeling Today? I Feel Pretty Terrible

I love me some day baseball. I’m lucky enough to work in an environment that allows me to commandeer a conference room and watch the boys of summer swing the bats like they do. Yesterday was one of those days, as I took in a little Rangers-Blue Jays during the afternoon. Great stuff. The good guys won. But it left my Thursday evening with a big question mark. With no baseball to watch, I did what any other salt-of-the-earth American would do: I made some drinks and watched high school football.

Not much of a game, really. The Trojans of Anderson showed they are a forced to be reckoned with in their district as they imposed their will upon the Knights of McCallum. I watched the entire game. There was nothing else on. I made two drinks — Maker’s Mark and water on the rocks. I earned it. It’s been a busy week, and I’m fighting through this neck injury that just won’t go away. Hopefully, it’s just a muscle strain. I don’t have time to go to a doctor, though. Back to the drinks. I feel like shit today.

It’s pretty amazing how two reasonably poured beverages can make you feel like you’re fighting off the Swine Flu. It happens, and we all know it. As I sit here, I’m trying to develop a hypothesis as to what I did wrong exactly. I ate dinner. Tacos. They were homemade. Nothing unusual about that. Maybe the sodium content was a little high, and when combined with the dehydrating effects of alcohol, it really hit my system hard. It was two drinks, though. It just doesn’t make sense.

I have another theory, though. Maybe I’m being punished for watching a high school football game on television when I have absolutely no connection to either school. It’s known as The Taco Shack Bowl, in case you were wondering. What if God him/herself was looking down upon me last night and shaking his/her head? I am, after all, a grown man who was drinking bourbon and watching high school football while having no gambling interest in the game whatsoever. Does God punish the pathetic? Maybe.

I’d like to think that if God thought I was having a pathetic Thursday night, he’d let me know it in ways that don’t involve ruining my Friday morning. But that’s not for me to know. I’ll let the theologians and shamans ponder that question. For now, I’m just trying to power through this two bourbon hangover. I had some breakfast tacos this morning. They were great. Didn’t really do the trick, though. Coffee, too. Of course.

I even found an old Emergen-C packet in my briefcase. Because no person should feel like I feel after two adult beverages, I mixed it with some refreshing water from our water cooler. Still nothing. So here I am, hungover AF after drinking two completely reasonably sized glasses of bourbon. That’s where I’m at. Next time, I’ll just have four glasses of bourbon on a Thursday night. Feeling terrible after four drinks makes much more sense than my current predicament. At least then I wouldn’t be sitting in front of a computer scratching my head like this.

Thank you in advance for your concern.

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Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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